Sunday, December 30, 2007

Well, We're Just Not Good at This

I don't really have much to say about the game yesterday, except that, even in late December, we are clueless. Ramon Harris does not get it. The game is way too fast for him and he makes very lazy passes. Jasper and Meeks are rusty, and Jasper looked even slower than usual. Coury looks and plays like a character from Nickelodeon's "Doug," and Perry Stevenson isn't strong or agressive enough to play at the Y. A.J. Stewart and Porter didn't play enough to piss me off yesterday, but given the chance, they would have. Crawford and Ramel: I really hate to say this as I've tried liking them for their entire careers, but if you could give me a group of worse seniors to have in a transition year, I would be astounded. Not as far as talent or effort, but they aren't really very good leaders. Saddens me, as it seemed that they had both really bought into Gillispie in the offseason and were ready to do big things. But as it has been for their entire careers, a lot of talk, not a lot of results. I honestly believe they tried; they just can't be leaders. Patrick Patterson is our only bright spot; can you imagine what would happen if he didn't get 20 and 10 every night?!

All that said, and that's not even everything, we still have potential THIS YEAR. I've seen bigger turnarounds from shittier teams. Perhaps a fully healthy Jasper and Meeks will help tremendously, especially since that may mean Harris will be off the floor. I apologize, but, that guy sucks. In reality, if my turnaround doesn't happen, we will still but someone surprisingly. I don't know who it is, but someone good is going down!

Friday, December 28, 2007

Little Sat Out the Rib-Eating Contest?!?!?

Last year, in the midst of all of the Music City Bowl hoopla, Rafael Little eight like forty pounds of ribs. This year, he didn't even participate (yet we still won). In what is really a microcosm of his season, Little sat out something that he could have personally affected. Luckily, FSU's best rib-eaters were academically ineligible.

Of course, most of the Little ribbing (that's good journalism) is in jest. However, I hope he really comes out Monday and blows up. I will admit that I'm pretty tired of hearing about his nagging injuries and watching him run like a bitch. Next week, he will have no excuse; and I will praise him endlessly if he plays the same way he did last year. I understand he's our best receiver out of the backfield by far, but we needed him a few games this year that he sat out.

I used to think that if Barry Melrose cut his mullett he would lose his job, however, I have found myself chuckling at some of the weird shit he says. I don't have any examples, but don't immediately change the channel when he comes on anymore. His hair is bad, though.

Maybe more tomorrow, maybe not. I'll be out of town for a while; deal with it!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Could that Duke-Pitt Game have been any Longer!?!?!?!

I don't know if you're like me, but I couldn't wait for that stupid basketball game to end. We almost missed the entire first quarter of the Poinsettia Bowl (which I picked correctly)! Navy's offense was a little more explosive than I expected, and Utah's defense was a little rough, but we pulled it out. OK, go FAU!

Back to the Duke-Pitt game, is Gerald Henderson Duke's best scorer? Down the stretch, he was really firing up some tough and bad shots. One in particular, you could hear the never-biased Jay Bilas groan, "Oh God!!!" as it went up. He (Henderson) should probably stick to elbowing people in the face intentionally. Oh, I forgot, he's not that kind of player.

Kentucky? has a big one tomorrow. Tennessee Tech rolls in boasting a shitty record (gues who's too lazy to look it up). Let's get back to our winning ways! What do you guys say!? Seriously, if we lose to Tenn. Tech, I'm not sure what will happen to some fans. I imagine there are several at the bottom of the Kentucky River already, and it's not even January. We are dangerously close to being full strength, so marked improvement will be made in the next few weeks. I guess "marked improvement" basicall means we won't get humiliated by bad teams anymore; just beaten soundly.

Thursday, December 20, 2007


Brace yourselves everyone, I have breaking news. It has recently come to my attention that no one gives a shit about Bill Parcells or what job he takes. In the span of about thirty minutes yesterday, the headline of changed from Parcells taking the Falcons VP of Footballnobodycares, to him not taking it. Thus, ESPN is breaking false news, just so they can make more news with the retraction. In the end, they were finally able to report that he took the Dolphins job instead.

They way they presented it was priceless. Of course it was "sources close to the situation" had said that he was taking the job. Then they were all, "not so fast..." No shit assholes, you fucked it up! I love the way they were acting like they were these tremendous sleuths who were able to get to the bottom of some amateurish report. Basically, it would be the same as me being like, "OMG, a source close to UK is telling me that Scotty Hopson will sign!" And then, moments later, me being like, "hold your horses, Cat fans. The deal has yet to closed...." In the end, they reported the wrong news, and then followed it up with a "Breaking News" alert, which basically said nothing has happened. The "Breaking News" was literally, "nothing has changed."

Why is this news to begin with? First of all, I ask everyone to name as many VP of football operations, or whatever the hell is title is, in the NFL. I'm not saying that it's a meaningless job, although it could be, but no one knows.

Also, what's the deal with Berman and the greatest highlight ever? Another subjective competition to muddle up Sportscenter. I don't even know when the highlights are on anymore. Also, ESPN wants "you the fan" to choose the TOP 100(!!!) highlights of all time. So, you know, set aside three or four hours so that you can rank those.

Furthermore, I saw the "Budweiser Hot Seat" with Skip Bayless and Mike Golic today. In an epic battle of two men who should be unemployed, Bayless and Golic spouted off about who was better between the Packers and the Cowboys. As you can imagine, I was on the edge of my seat. It was akin to watching The View.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Packing Bowls: Part 2

The better half of bowls....

Chick-Fil-A Bowl-Auburn v. Clemson
There's going to be a lot of orange on the field in Atlanta, as well as some bad quarterbacking. I can't imagine Clemson being any better than "crap," so I'll go with the Runnin' Tubervilles. Pick: Auburn

Music City Bowl-Kentucky v. Florida State
Since this will be a game pitting my favorite team against 35 or 40 second-stringers, it seems pretty easy. And it will be. Pick: Cay-uts

Humanitarian Bowl-Georgia Tech v. Fresno State
This will be a close game; unfortunately, no one cares about it. The blue turf bit is old as well. Pick: Georgia Tech

Sun Bowl-Oregon v. South Florida
Once thought of as two national championship teams, both Oregon and South Florida sputtered at the end of the season. Oregon because their star QB got hurt, South Florida because they sucked. I don't know if Dixon will be back, but it doesn't matter. Pick: Oregon

Armed Forces Bowl-California v. Air Force
I thought this was always a high school game, but whatever. I'm assuming Desean Jackson will do some things against Air Force. Who knows, maybe he won't. But he will. Pick: Cal

Capital One Bowl-Michigan v. Florida
I love Tim Tebow. I'm not sure if I've made that clear. I think he'll go absolutely wild against Michigan. Plus, they don't have a coach. Pick: Florida

Gator Bowl-Virginia v. Texas Tech
Texas Tech will probably score like 200 points; UVA won't be able to keep up. Question: how the hell did these two teams get to a New Year's Day bowl? Pick: Texas Tech

Cotton Bowl-Arkansas v. Missouri
This is a tough one in my mind. On the one hand, there is a team that is BCS-worthy and boast a Heisman contender. On the other hand, there is a team with an awful QB and no coach. I guess it's not that tough. McFadden and Jones can only do so much; they'll get blasted. Pick: Missouri

Outback Bowl-Wisconsin v. Tennessee
Tyler Donovan and Erik Ainge will be mired in the battle of two guys that get way too much press, while Arian Foster lights up Wisconsin's shitty D. This one will be hard to watch, as all games involving Big Ten teams are. Pick: Tennessee

International Bowl-Rutgers v. Ball State
You know you're watching a a horrible bowl when you can hear all the scrubs on the sideline yell "PAAAAASSSS" when the opposing QB fades back. An alarm goes off in your head, and you're like, 'what the hell am I doing?" This is one of those games. Pick: Rutgers

GMAC Bowl-Bowling Green v. Tulsa

Sugar Bowl-Hawaii v. Georgia
I truly don't think Colt Brennan and Hawaii will keep this one close. Georgia will shut their offense down fairly well, and the UGA offense will move the ball easily (despite having Matt Stafford). Pick: Georgia

Rose Bowl-USC v. Illinois
I don't think this game will be close either. Juice Williams and their running back with a long last name are very good, but probably not strong enough on D to stop all of USC's weapons. Pick: USC

Fiesta Bowl-Oklahoma v. West Virginia
In my opinion, Oklahoma is the best team in the country. Sam Bradford is for real, and Pat White is not. The love affair surrounding White was very, very annoying. He can't pass at all. Pick: Oklahoma

Orange Bowl-Kansas v. Virginia Tech
Really? Virginia Tech is bad, but Kansas is worse. This should be Missouri, not Kansas. Pick: Virginia Tech

BCS Title-LSU v. Ohio State
For the second straight year, Ohio State is in the title game. For the second straight year, they will get pasted by an SEC team. LSU has shown flashes of being extremely vulnerable, but a healthy Early Doucet will make all the difference. However, they'll have to overcome NFL prospect Todd Boeckman. Read that without laughing. Pick: LSU

That's it! It's over! Bowls start tomorrow, so that will be a good thing to get my mind off of our basketball team.


Part 2 is coming; I have to go do something. I have a life, ya know! Anyway, for your enjoyment, watch as the UK fanbase melts down on CatsPause. For your further enjoyment, read my angry and slightly disgusting exchange with a certain loser poster who dreams of naked Joe Crawford "dunks."

OK, look. I can't figure out links. Just copy and paste until I do. I'm getting sick of all your shit! Although, to be fair, no one gives me shit. I just imagine you guys all make fun of me though... I may seem stable, but I am fragile, like an egg. Anyway, enjoy!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Packing Bowls: Part 1

I know that title doesn't make sense, but what would you use, smart ass? OK, we'll move chronologically from earliest to latest, then the BCS games. Sixteen today, sixteen tomorrow. If you follow my lead, Vegas will be out of business!!!

Poinsettia Bowl-Utah v. Navy
Utah looked explosive against UL, but, then again, who didn't? Either way, what's Navy going to do, run the option? Seriously Navy, you are the most disciplined team in a bowl, lose the middle-school offense. Germantown Catholic has you figured out. Pick: Utah

New Orleans Bowl-Florida Atlantic v. Memphis
The crash-course has ended; the New Orleans Bowl title will finally go to, um, wherever Florida Atlantic is located. Pick: FAU

Las Vegas Bowl-UCLA v. BYU
Ah yes, the battle of the acronyms. There's one in every bowl season. Are there any more Detmer's? Those kids were annoying. OK, L.A. kids vs. Mormans... Pick: UCLA

New Mexico Bowl-New Mexico (surprise, surprise) v. Nevada
Wow. This is a bad one. When I first got a PlayStation, GameBreaker was my game of choice. In my first season in "Dynasty Mode," my team was Nevada. There is no other way to choose between these guys. Pick: Nevada Bowl-Cincinnati v. Southern Miss
If UofL didn't have such a shitty stadium, maybe they'd play this game in Louisville. Better yet, they should play it at Jeff High. Anyway, I see a big game from all those guys on Cincy who turned out to be not very good. Pick: Da 'natti

Hawaii Bowl-Boise St. v. East Carolina
If you've ever seen an East Carolina game, you would know that they have an awesome painting of a pirate at midfield. You would also see that they have an awful, awful football team. Pick: Boise St.

Motor City Bowl-Central Michigan v. Purdue
Oh my, what a bad game. Pick: Central Michigan

Holiday Bowl-Arizona State v. Texas
Jammal Charles will likely run wild on the ASU defense, who searches in vain for some of the famed "Holiday Bowl magic." They can't find it, but they did manage to roofey the "Sun Devil magic" and bed some pretty fine co-eds. Pick: Texas

Emerald Bowl-Maryland v. Oregon St.
Ralph Friedgen, the fattest man alive, is an offensive mastermind. He's going to have to pull out all the stops, because his team blows. Pick: Maryland (upset!)

Champs Sports Bowl-Boston College v. Michigan State
Nary a month ago we were discussing the prospect of Boston College going to the National Championship. Thank God that didn't happen. I didn't even know Michigan State was bowl eligible. Pick: Boston College

Texas Bowl-TCU v. Houston
I didn't know there was a Texas Bowl, but by God it's living up to its name. Since the game is in Houston, there's no other way to go. Pick: Houston

Alamo Bowl-Texas A & M v. Penn State
Remember when Joe Paterno almost pissed himself on the sidelines? Or when he broke his leg? What about the story about him snapping at a female driver? These things aren't talked about nearly enough. Pick: Texas A & M

Liberty Bowl-UCF v. Mississippi State
Once famous for an embarassing UL rap song, the Liberty Bowl has quickly turned into the "oh God, anything but this game" for lower-tier SEC teams. Judging by the beatdown administered by the Bulldogs against UK, I assume they will bottle up the nation's top rusher. Pick: MSU

Meineke Car Care Bowl-Wake Forest v. UConn
Using last year's match-up of UL v. Wake Forest as evidence, apparently the Orange Bowl is a curse for your team. Judging by this year's match-up of Va. Tech and Kansas, it may actually be true. Either way, UConn sucks. Pick: Wake

Independence Bowl-Colorado v. Alabama
John Parker Wilson, older brother to that kid on "Two-a-Days," isn't all that horrible. He's horrible; but not horrible enough to lose to Colorado. They're horrible. Horrible. Pick: Alabama

Insight Bowl-Oklahoma State v. Indiana
Since I live up here, all I hear about is, well, Eric Gordon. No one cares about football. It was a nice story for IU, but if you watch this game, you will understand why people think the Big 10 sucks. IU's bad. Very bad. Pick: Oklahoma State

That's the end of part I. Part II should be much better, as I'll be able to make fun of more people because I won't be dealing with teams that suck.

A final word about Kentucky? basketball. Remember the ugly wins we used to get with Tubby, where we'd beat team like 59-50? I would do anything for that to happen tonight.

Want to feel angry about not being a professional athlete? Check this out:

And I thought that I couldn't hate Scott Podsednik more...

Monday, December 17, 2007

To Be Fair...

Warning: You will get the sick feeling!!!!

This has to be fake, but after reading CatsPause, you never can tell... Still, it makes me uncomfortable.

Meeks is back and I learned how to imbed YouTube videos!!! What a day!!!


"We take it hard to the hoop,
We drive to the hoop,
We live for the hoop,
We die for the hoop."

"UofL #1, now that's the final score..." Someone should explain to Code Red how basketball games are scored. There is too much fodder in this video; my brain is overflowing. Just do it yourselves...

No one should ever ask me again why I hate Louisville.

Rory's Back!!!...Oh, Well, He's Gone Again

If there is any athlete in the world the best epitomizes the term "cheese dick," I haven't found him. Rory Sabbatini is the biggest chump alive. I'm sure all of you know (from reading my glorious blog) of Rory's spat with Tiger last year. Well, it wasn't much of a spat. Rory just ran his mouth and Tiger blasted him the two times they met in a final round. But Rory's latest exploit, occurring this past Sunday, tops any of his previous poundings administered by Tiger. He withdrew from Tiger's tournament before the last round, while in last place, 28 shots off Tiger's lead. However, he is still able to collect his absurd prize money check. Citing shin splints, Sabbatini withdrew around 8AM before his round Sunday, but he left the site late Saturday night for Hawaii. What a bitch. There is no way Sabbatini would have withdrawn if not for the little rivalry he tried to create; unfortunately, Rory is not good enough to have a rivalry with Tiger. Classic case of "little man's syndrome." Seriously, he's like 5'8".

Warning: Story about me! I had a dream last night that I played football for NC State (what???) and I was trying to recover a fumble, and when I woke up I was trying to recover my dog. I'm serious. He is still pretty freaked out.

OK, tomorrow will be part one in a two-part series outlining every bowl game and the weight that I gave them in my Pick 'Em thingie. I have a lot of spare time, so I'm going to make this blog awesome!!! Plus, by viewing my picks, we can all see how smart I am. I'm serious; I won the Pick 'Em League I was in by like 200 points. Granted, it came down to the wife of a friend of mine and myself, but she didn't stand a chance.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

OK, Here Goes

It's time to accept the fact that we are not going to be very good this year. Many people have already succumbed to this un-awesome theory, but I still thought we could do some good things--especially after the first half of the UAB game. The fact is, we were playing pretty damn well; in fact, this is the best we have played all year. Remember, it took Robert Vaden going off in order to beat us. I'm not giving up, I'll hold out for Jasper and Meeks; plus, it's only natural to have some growing pains after a coaching change. I, and many others, had unrealistic expectations for this team. In a few years, we will be very good. I'm not worried about our future.

There were some very positive aspects of today's game: Crawford, Bradley, and Porter looked good shooting; Patterson is awesome; and Ramon Harris completed a few passes. Really, has he played basketball against non-Eskimos before? Anyway, I liked the way we shot the ball. As I may or may not have already said (I say pretty random shit on a daily basis), Porter is definately good when not handling the ball and running the offense. He can shoot when he's open, and he makes fairly good entry passes. As far as his defense on Vaden, I think Billy Clyde was employing the rarely used "white boy D" made famous by Steve Wojodouchebag. Allow me to explain: whenever a good player is guarded by a short, slow white dude, they frequently force bad shots. The superior player always thinks, "oh man, what a mismatch. I have to shoot no matter what." Inevitably, they hoist up some shit. T-Will does it all the time as, in his mind, any defender on him is overmatched. Vaden did it a few times in the first half; apparently he settled down in the second half.

Ramon Harris. What do people see in him? Be honest, when he has the ball are you looking at their guards to see what kind of fast break they're going to have? I am. He literally lobs the ball across the floor. Not that Joe doesn't do that too; but at least he can score. I'm embarassed to admit that I believed the hype about him (Harris) this fall. I really hope he can turn it around.

The fact that our offense consists of anything more than a Patterson shot or uncontested three is beyond me. Pat should be taking twenty shots a game. Force him the damn ball, who cares. It has to be better than those back-cuts we run.

On a slighlty different note, I want to say, on the record, that I firmly believe that we will be in the tournament. The SEC sucks, and we will surely have some help with Jasper, and maybe Meeks. From our next win (whenever that may be) on, we will be a better team each time out. We are going to be very good soon. Very soon. I am already sick over the shit that I read on the message boards with the fans. Those rednecks can all blow me. We have shitty fans who are too stupid to understand change. They are STILL blaming Tubby. No one is to blame (between Tubby and Gillispie). I believed (and still do) that in order for us to get better we needed a change. However, it took these losses for me to come to grips with the fact that these sorts of changes take time. Good God, I feel like I'm breaking up with UK fans.

I'm just as frustrated as the next guy, believe me. I just want to say that I know we will be back. We just have to wait.

No Mike Davis meltdown?!?!?!?!

Friday, December 14, 2007

College Football Will Never be the Same

The Mitchell Report is not the most tragic announcement occuring in sports over the last 24 hours. Instead, it is the announcements coming from OSU QB Todd Boeckmann (I hope I spelled that wrong) and UL WR Mario Urrutia. These two largely meaningless athletes have entered their names into the NFL Draft.

In Urrutia's case, I don't think he caught a single pass this season. He had one of the best QB's in the nation and he was the third or fourth best receiver on his team. Although certainly NFL-sized, "Super" Mario is nothing short of a failure. I guess that may be harsh, but he is a big-time underachiever.

I didn't see Todd Boeckmann play, so my analysis of him is completely unfair. However, judging from past OSU QB's, he blows donkey balls. I don't care what anyone says, but the Big 10 is shit, so his inflated numbers are skewed (I don't even know if he has good numbers). Remember Troy Smith? Yeah, he sucked too.

Anthony Allen's transfer is going to be a huge deal if he comes out and says that he wants to go to Arkansas. UL is showing their true colors by blocking him, which is bullshit. I understand their anger towards Petrino, but Allen is the one getting punished. You don't play Arkansas, let him go with Petrino if he wants to. Hell, 50% of your fanbase would probably go too.

I cannot believe Randy Velarde juiced. Is anyone else astounded at some of those names? I mean, if Velarde batted .260 people would be like, "something's up with him." Jerry Hairston Jr.? The fact that guys who made it to the majors because of their gloves decided to use some sort of performance-enhancing drugs is alarming. I suppose, especially in these guys cases, as well as Clemens and Pettitte, that the drugs are more for expedited healing and career-lengthening. I don't see why every player isn't tested monthly. Get 'roids out of baseball; stop pretending you care so much and you're such a badass, Selig. You let these d-bags walk all over you and juice right in your face. Fuck the Players Union and test these fools.

I'm sure there are millions of reasons why the Players Union is allowed to block mandatory testing. I'm sure, also, that those reasons are shitty.

Here's to hoping Mike Davis loses his mind again...

More tomorrow...

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Baseball has been Cancelled

80 Players?!?!?! That's like, three teams. We can only pray for Ryan Freel to be on that list, but he's probably too insignificant for anyone to care. It's only natural that Freel would take a "gritty" substance. Also, the Astros got screwed trading for Tejada. He's on steroids. He gained like 70 pounds in one offseason. I'll have continuing coverage of the Mitchell Report (which is akin to the Mort Report), which begins at 2. That's a lie; I might watch, but probably not. I hate watching press conferences; you can never hear the question.

They just said that Clemens is going to be named in the report. That explains his chucking a jagged bat at Piazza.

Thank God T.O and Keyshawn are mired in a feud based on, well, stupid opinions. I don't mind Keyshawn too much as he's a TV journalist now and paid to say stupid shit, but what's with T.O.? He's a nut; remember the suicide attempt? What was that about? The real story here occured when Keyshawn was talking to the other black people on Countdown and he said that he "played for Coach Parcells" and TJ quickly blurted "torture," assuming that's what he was driving at. He wasn't, though. Thus, I imagine the make-up room will be rather awkward this week.

OK, I'm having trouble thinking of other stuff. Read Mosley's piece on KSR. It's hilarious.

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The NCAA Reads the Blog!!!

I hope the rumors are true about Sampson leaving; if you haven't heard, I don't like him. I could not be more excited about the chance of IU getting a postseason ban and Kelvin resigning. It's getting pretty annoying up here. Plus, Illinois can laugh in the face of Eric Gordon...and not just at his ears.

If you haven't seen the awkwardness that is the Bobby Petrino "pig sooey" cheer, get your ass to ITV and find the link. It is 'Saved by the Bell' Zach-and-Jesse-BFF-hug awkward. The best part, surprisingly, is not the cheer itself. In fact, it is Petrino's smug ass greeting the cheerleaders. He is such a dick; is there anyone he could care less about than Arkansas' cheerleaders? I guess the UL and Falcon fan base, but whatever. Oh, and his daughter is alarmingly hot. I can't believe he spawned pig-face and this chick with the same woman. Given his history, though, chances are he didn't.

UL fans are really crying foul about this, and I'm not sure why. They pretend like they own Petrino b/c he made them good for a few years; they are so jealous that he left the Falcons for Arkansas. However, is Jurich kicking himself for not firing Krag? Could Petrino have come back to da Ville? Tough to say, but not really. I don't think there is any way that he would've returned; I know it hurts, but Arkansas is a better job. More money, more resources, all that shit. If Miles leaves for Michigan, though, watch as Bobby takes over LSU. Seriously.

OK, Legion is gone. That is horrible, horrible news. Everyone is trying not to care because Jasper is back and "we don't need him." The problem is, we need him. He would provide points off the bench and some much needed depth that is not in the form of Michael Porter. No offense to Porter, he just sucks. He will be a star somewhere (Legion, not Porter), unless his mom continues acting like a psycho. In which case he'll end up at a JuCo.

I know this is a bit late, but I am very glad Tebow won the Heisman. I am more glad, though, that he, as a public figure, left religion and God out of his acceptance speech. Except he didn't. Did he write anything before-hand except GOD in giant letters on an index card? That was rough.

Tamme not an All-American?!?!?!

Monday, December 10, 2007

Howie Schwab has Spoken!!

I don't know what channel this was on, or if it was on TV at all, but I saw Howie Schwab on last night and he had some interesting things to say. Not really that interesting, actually, but he thought both Kentucky? and UL would get better. The real news here is that Howie Schwab is absolutely awful; and I have a suspicion that he smells.

As far as what he actually said, I think he is right. Once Jasper and Meeks return, we will be a much better team. I think my comments about Jasper may have been misrepresented, as I know we will be waaaaaaaaaay better when he's back. I guess it took the IU game for me to realize how bad of a point guard Porter truly is. However, I don't think it's fair how much shit he takes. He will be a great spot-up shooter for us in the future. He's out of position, and I think he can actually play. We need Meeks and Jasper bad, though. With only Jasper, we will be a much better team. We will definately be in the NCAA tourney. The SEC is awful.

OK, I know I've made fun of Trevor Matich before, but good God. I cannot believe that he is on TV. The shit he says is absurd, and he's always slapping Joe Schad. It's really creepy. First of all, Matich looks exactly like Giuliani's kid from the SNL skit. Second, I don't think he should ever be in public. His appearance really bothers me; he seems like a guy who would eat poop for money. I don't see what ESPN's criteria is when hiring new employees. Here's what the interview questions must be: Can you speak? Have you ever seen a sport being played? If someone were talking to you, could you answer while staying slightly on topic? If on the Budweiser Hot Seat with Skip Bayless, can you make sure that he looks stupid by the end (easier than it sounds)?

Seriously, these guys suck. Why can't Eric Wynalda do everything? He should be on every show, including College GameDay. He'd be a perfect sidekick for Herbstreit when they go out shagging co-eds.

Friday, December 7, 2007


IU preview: Pat-Pat outplays slow-J White; Gordon can't play to his potential due to his injury; while both Crawford's press, Joe is more experienced in pressing than his younger brother and scores 14 to Jordan's 7. Cats win, 76-71.

OK, let's hope that happens.

More importantly, the UL-Dayton preview: No one cares.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

A Desperate Plea

Dear Alex,
Come back. Please, come back. For some reason, much of my UK brethren is more concerned about our slow point guard returning. Not me. I want you. Only you. So, come back and play for my favorite team.

Thank you.

I emailed that to Alex Legion and cc-ed his mom. That sounds dirty; but kinda hot. Oh, and that's not true. Anyway, is anyone else concerned that we are basing our season's successes on the return of Derrick Jasper? Does anyone remember last year? I believe that he is a nice player who may have improved, but how much could he improve? He is coming off surgery, so he will be much slower than he was last year. Also, remember the shooting and ball-handling? We are reaching here; he can't be THAT much better. I hope he is, but let's be realistic. We need Meeks back FAST. And, unfortunately, that looks unlikely.

As for emails I really did send, here is what I sent the ACC (after calling a number on their website, and someone answered. I feel like I could've just asked for the commissioner):

To whom it may concern:

During the UNC/Kentucky game this Saturday, North Carolina forward Alex Stepheson clearly and intentionally elbows Kentucky guard Ramel Bradley in the mouth, bloodying his lip. The swift and violent act occurs with :44 seconds remaining in the game during a dead-ball situation. I am not asking for any specific punishment for Mr. Stepheson, but simply a reply to know that it has been viewed and considered.

Thank you.

Surprisingly, I have gotten no response.

Apparently, John Clay, who sucks MAJOR donkey balls, reads the blog. Way to get the scoop, four eyes! Hey, at least he stayed on one topic for an entire column...

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

The Return of Legion?

Since I wasn't one of the people who bashed Legion and said we didn't need/want him, I can say without conviction that I would be delighted to get him back. No questions asked; just take him back and play him. He's really good; let's not lose him.

June Jones is a clown. I don't want to go into much detail about what he said, as I realize he has to stick up for Brennan, but try not to bring Tebow into it. Timmy has shown that he can do anything that is needed of him; he can make every throw and he runs through linebackers. Leave him alone.

In honor of the impending UK/IU game, allow me to share with you my thoghts on Kelvin Sampson. He's a fucking dirty cheating whore-face. Clear enough? Living where I do, it's understandable to get a lot of news on Sampson and his star recruit, Eric Gordon. Except, that wasn't his recruit at all. In fact, it was Bruce Weber's. I understand verbals, and the fact that they are not binding. With Sampson's track record, however, I can't believe that some shady shit didn't go down in order to sign Gordon.

Being reprimanded twice for the same violation shows that it was not simple oversight; Sampson was cheating and he knew it. In May of 2006, he was banned from recruiting for one year after he and his staff made 577 phone calls too many. Clearly, they cared nothing for the rules. Ironically, it was during that next year that Sampson landed the already taken Gordon...soehow, without calling or meeting off-campus with him. Then, in October of this year, Sampson was again caught making illegal phone calls and participating in not awesome three-ways. Unfortunately, for Rob Senderoff, someone else had to take the fall. Thus, "lead recruiter" Senderoff resigned.

It's not that I believe that IU runs a dirty program; I think Kelvin Sampson does. In fact, I know he does. I refuse to believe that Eric Gordon had a simple change of heart, as do most of the folks in Champaign. I'm not writing this so that I have an excuse for the bludgeoning that may occur at the hands of Gordon and his teammates; I just am tired of the frequent praise rained-down upon Sampson for his success at IU. I certainly don't dislike Gordon or Jordan Crawford; they are both terrific basketball players (especially Gordon). I'm also (trying) not implying that they have been paid or received illegal gifts. I am, however, saying that what Sampson does and has done is not fair, and he should be more harshly punished. Obviously banning him from making calls or off-campus recruiting trips has no effect on him. He acts as if the NCAA violations and rules do not apply to him.

I suppose my point is that Sampson is a cheater and no one cares. I understand that his violations are minor, and he's not getting caught paying players. But if the NCAA had any balls, they would stop letting him walk all over them and do whatever he wants. What's the point of having rules that someone can break, and then, while punished, break again? Smells. Smells bad. Sampson's a fucking rat.

Oh, and don't call me a hypocrite and bring the Legion recruiting situation to light. He was let out of his LOI after Amaker was canned and then Gillispie got him.

Finally, I saw D.J. White at McCallister's yesterday and launched into the diatribe written above. He disagreed. Some of that is untrue. You decide, America!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007


Sorry for no post today. Here's the abridged version: Legion's mom is nuts; Adam Neft is a douche; Colt Brennan isn't a system QB, yet Tebow is (according to June Jones). Anyway, I'm sure you can infer every joke that I would make anyway. More tomorrow.

Monday, December 3, 2007

Jeff Brohm Cured Cancer!!!

The Cards have made some changes on their staff (will that word ever not be funny to me?), and thank the good Lord, they promoted Jeff Brohm to OC. This, while a move they had to make, doesn't seem like a cure-all for this team. What has Jeff Brohm done to prove that he is this magnificent offensive mastermind? They may be successful next year on offense, but I see no way they are better than they were this year. They still lose B. Brohm and Douglas. And no, I didn't forget about Hunter Cantwell. I'm not sold on him at all. I contend that he sucks; walk-ons usually do.

With the departure of Cassity, though, the Cards have another hole to fill at DC. The rage on ITV suggests that they should go "big name," as being the DC at a high-pressure job at a mediocre program on the decline is usually a terrific selling point. I vote for Bob Redman; hell, Manual hasn't figured out the cover zero and they're a magnet school!!!

Interesting tidbit: during most of this season, UL fans were bitching about the schedules of many SEC and Big Ten schools as they play eight home games. UL, however, has eight already scheduled home games for next year with the likelihood of adding a ninth. Nine home games. Equally distributed throughout the week. Also, quit bitching about teams not playing you. YOU ARE NOT ELITE. Good teams don't want a home and home with you b/c they don't want anyone to see them playing in your shitty stadium. It's like being seen at Trixies on a Tuesday afternoon. If you want to gain some more credence, go play at Cal or Oklahoma State or something. UGA agreed to the home and home though, so I still don't see what the bitching is about. Oh, and they will massacre you.

The BCS is in complete destruction mode. I really don't feel like breaking it all down, but something needs to happen. Missouri is out, even though they beat Kansas. Their only losses were to Oklahoma. Thus, since KU didn't play OU, neither KU or Mizzou should be in. They both suck. KU's best win was over mighty Kansas State. Mizzou's was, well, Kansas, or at Illinois. They also throttled Texas Tech; I think they deserved it over the Jayhawks, if at all.

Unfortunately, the MCB is no longer a BCS bowl. We do, however, get to play a washed-up big name program. All the talk about this season being disappointing is really frustrating. First of all, we need to stop comparing ourselves to UL (which I do on a daily basis on this blog). We get too caught up in what they've done and fail to realize what we accomplished this year. For comparison's sake, two things happened this year at Commonwealth that will never happen at Sloppa John's: we beat a #1 team and College GameDay came. We also had a thriller with UT and UL, as well as a great game against future Heisman winner Tim Tebow. What do you want? Are you not entertained? It's impossible to turn into a football powerhouse in one year. We are moving in the right direction. Be glad. Sure, I was unhappy with some of our losses; I believe that we got a little amped after the LSU game and expected some things that this team was unable to achieve. Oh well. Recruiting has really jumped and we look like a team that can be consistently good; stop expecting SEC Championships. Two straight bowls; that's pretty damn good.

OK, basketball. Alex Stepheson is a fucking asshole. I posted on TCP about this, but no one seems to care because of my complete lack of posts. Anyway, he absolutely elbowed Smooth in the mouth on purpose. Had Realease the Squirms posted this, it would have already circulated the interwebs and Roy Williams would be getting bombarded with emails. Anyway, it happened during a dead-ball situation with :44 seconds remaining in the game. I will be emailing the ACC commish. Take it to the streets!!!

One last thing, I love the C-J praising UL's defense after that absolute shitshow with JCrew U. If you saw the end of the game, you would know why I hate T-Will so much. He made two classic T-Will plays: one was when he got fouled and ran the ball to the opposite end of the floor and placed it under the basket, like a douche. The other was when he sealed the game with a steal, on a halfcourt pass, and slammed the ball to the ground. If that game was played at St. Polycarp he would've gotten T'd up.

Friday, November 30, 2007

Message Boards are Heating Up!!!

See a-holes, had you guys done this on the other site, I'd be rich!!! Anyway, in response to our nameless friend, I would almost concede the 'UT is awful' idea. However, what few people realize about these teams, is their non-skill players are soooooooooo good. When playing UT, getting to Ainge is almost impossible (especially since he throws the ball anywhere after the hint of any pressure). Their defense is solid and good teams like UT and UGA don't make bad mistakes often. In order to win against these teams, you have to BEAT them. You won't get anything easy.

In regards to the WVU comment, I can guarantee that the wouldn't run all over UT, UGA, or even UF (who's defense kinda blows). WVU, while very good, is a gimmick. They can only do one thing; good teams can stop that. Their defense is shit, and if they fall behind they would have trouble coming back. I don't have a clue who will win the NC, but a lot of points will be scored. Actually, it'll probably be fucking OSU.

As for the White over Tebow nonsense, it is just that, nonsense. There is no way to argue it, unless I give you stats. Oh, and Pat White can't throw. Here ya go..

SOS: Tebow-3, White-29 (adv. Tebow)
Passer rating: Tebow-177.85 (2nd), White-153.17 (10th) (adv. Tebow)
Passing yards: Tebow-3132 (20th), White-1498 (t-101...w/ Casey Dick) (adv. Tebow)
Pass TD's: Tebow-29 (t-9th), White-12 (t-77) (adv. Tebow)
Pass INT's: Tebow-6 ('s backwards), White-4 (adv. White)
Rush yards: Tebow-838 (t-70), White-1144 (31st) (adv. White)
Rush TD's: Tebow-22 (3rd), White-14 (t-18th) (adv. Tebow)

OK, I'm tired of that. In the end, choosing White over Tebow would be absolutely ridiculous. Thank you, nameless one, for reading. But you are really wrong. Like if right were a ten-win season, you'd be UL. Tebow's awesome and if he played linebacker UF would be in the NC. He MUST win the Heisman. I guess it's him or McFadden, both of the "shitty" SEC.

Moving on to the Cards, they won! It was a good game, and it was(n't) nice to see the seniors go out with a win. Unfortunately, Brohm played in front of twice as many people for his senior state championship. Good job, L-raisers! Way to support your best player ever...maybe. If they would've painted the seats black, the blackout would've been a tremendous success.

OK, maybe some sort of UK-UNC preview later today....

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Oh. Well, I Guess they Went Inside...

Contrary to what young'n's do at the Stonybrook movie theater, the basketball version came inside Rupp and nearly beat us. They suck immensely, and for us to play that close to them is surely a frightening sight. However, I have some insight and opinions that may surprise you.

I see one of two things happening on Saturday vs. UNC: we can either get bludgeoned, or we can win. Sure, they can roll in and blast us as we have no one that can match-up with anyone on their team, especially if Joe and not-Smooth play like the ball-hogging clowns we remember from, well, their whole career. On the flip-side, though, I think we can be a team that is eager to show that we are not completely terrible and that we have something to prove. I must note, however, that I felt this way nearly every game last season, ending before the Florida game in Gainesville. That game marked the first time in my life when, as a UK basketball fan, I felt that we had absolutely no shot to win. We'll see what happens.

Oh Bozich, you tool. I don't want to re-enter the Big East/SEC argument, but West Virginia and Missouri would be an awful NC. Unfortunately, OU will beat Mizzou and the game will be even worse, with OSU v. WVU. I love how OSU is just going to back into a National Championship. The BCS is such bullshit. I know all you bitches hate to hear this, but UGA, LSU, and maybe even Florida are better teams than OSU, WVU, Mizzou, etc... I honestly believe that the level of play in the SEC is higher than in other conferences. I know USF beat Auburn and WVU throttled MSU; but remember, LSU destroyed VT and Florida massacred FSU, etc. Overall, you put any team in the SEC that has to play those games every week, no one can go undefeated.

I do hate doing all this, because it is literally guessing. Someone create a playoff system. OK, I will. The top eight in the BCS go to a playoff and each conference must have a conference championship in order to be recognized. There, I did it. Here's how the tourney would look this year (before the outcome of the championships this weekend):

(1) Mizzou v. (8) USC
(2) WVU v. (7) LSU
(3) OSU v. (6) VT (good God; you couldn't pay me enough to watch that shit)
(4) UGA v. (5) KU

That would be round 1. As it plays out, on neutral fields, USC beats Mizzou, LSU beats WVU, OSU beats VT ( the rain...b/c God hates that game too), and UGA beats KU (by 20).

That gives us USC v. LSU and OSU v. UGA in the semis. LSU and UGA play in the championship. UGA wins b/c Les Miles is retarded.

Regardless of what you think would happen, wouldn't this be fucking awesome?

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Yes, Just Like the Movie Theater

If my high school years are any indication, Stony Brook will be a group of ninth-grade, cigarette-smoking wiggers. Further, they will arrive at the game in their parents' mini-van. Should be interesting; they probably won't even go to the game, they'll just hang around outside Rupp.

However, Stony Brook does have two very famous players on their team: Nick Carter and Chris Martin. I hope we can overcome their star power; everyone else has.

Why do we care that Tello and Vein were at a club? They're 21, and they aren't playing. If anyone on these message boards were ever at 4th street, they would see all of these guys every weekend. Big deal; college kids drink. We often forget that these guys are only college kids; it always makes me feel pathetic when I remember that.

More tomorrow. Good heavens I hope Duke loses tonight.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Remember Me?

My name is Jacob Tamme. I try really hard when I play football. Unfortunately, for some reason, when the game that I have been dreaming of winning since I was a little boy came down to the wire, all the old people on the sidelines forgot that I was on their team. Oh well. I guess it's back to being the silent tight end that no one can guard but rarely gets the ball.

I've made it a point to never bitch about coaching decisions and whatnot throughout this season. I understand that their job is very hard and it's difficult to please everyone. But from the outset, we were thouroughly outcoached by fat Phil. We constantly failed to pressure Erik "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" Ainge (he gets the nickname from the noise he makes and subsequent pass he throws when he sees a rushing defender). We were absolutely lit up by a sub-par quarterback. Furthermore, we had numerous chances to win the were wasted by what can only be described as poor coaching. You want examples? Here they are (all of these are off the top of my head, BTW)
1) Arian Foster's success as a receiver. He was WIDE open to begin the game on a simple RB throwback. I know the coaches can't be out there to make the play, but seriously, do our LB's still not understand staying home?
2) The run play at the end of regulation. I agree with running the ball, but not up the middle and not with Vagi Little. He is the furthest thing from an inside runner that we have on our team. If you want Vagi to run the ball, swing him wide where he can make a move. Otherwise, run Locke or Grinter.
3) Sitting on the ball after the pick. Three runs. Three mother fucking runs. We have one of the best QB's in the country and FOUR top notch receivers, and we want to put it all on our improving yet still kinda shitty kicker. I'm not saying we shouldn't have confidence in Lones, just that we should have tried moving the ball.
4) Tamme. See above. Throw him the ball.
5) The Derrick Locke fiasco. I don't know what happened, it could be Locke's fault, but he wouldn't just run onto the field. Someone told him something that made him do that.

Even with these mistakes, we should have won. Woodson makes an easy throw to Keenan to end regulation and the game is over. I'm not trying to say that the coaches completely lost the game, but I think they could have made some better calls. It's tough, though, until you're in that position. Hindsight and all that shit. One other thing about the coaches, we may need to reconsider hiring Joker if RB retires. Parcells is available...

Friday, November 23, 2007

Billy Clyde Lives!!!

The Liberty game gives us hope; however, we play UNC in nary a week and they could very well come into Rupp and destroy us. Crawford and Bradley are eager to be our scorers on the perimeter, and Patterson is holding his own in the post. As long as Legion, Stewart, and Coury continue to play effectively, we should be OK. It is my opinion that Legion will be a star in a couple of years.

My big fear has been constant throughout the season, and it is that a team with a strong low post game will be impossible for us to stop. Patterson is a strong player down low; however, he is merely a four. We don't have a true center that can body-up a Hansbrough or Caracter in the paint. Thankfully, there are no Florida's with a front line Horford and Noah, but we will still struggle against big teams. In the meantime, we have to beat the teams that we are supposed to beat; losing to UNC, IU, and UL will suck tremendously, but it won't ruin us. I'm more worried about Houston, UAB, and the "shitty" teams. We can't afford anything close to another GW slip-up. First, for the good of our program; second for Gillispie's personal health.

Kragthorpe is staying. Not surprising at all; but a very good decision despite his naysayers. Firing Kragthorpe would make UL look like twice the joke that they are now. Having a down year during a oaching change is fine (prepare yourselves, UK fans), but quickly firing the replacement makes the UL football head coach job impossible to sell. He can bring in some recruits and UL will slowly glide back to their spot in mediocrity.

Duke's postgame celebration after winning the Maui Classic was fucking sickening. There is no way they act like that in real life. Tell me they are being extra douche-y for the cameras. One guy couldn't stop hugging players; he was the obligatory short, white tool at the end of the bench (not Pocious). Coach K still gets some bullshit calls. There were at least two touch fouls called, in successive possessions. I cannot handle watching Paulus win; they won, but it was no thanks to him. He threw the ball directly to a Marquette player once; and in the waning moments, he again attempted to literally soft-toss the ball to them. He sucks so bad at everything.

Oh, surprise here, Jon Scheyer won the video game competiton. What a nerd. He's the only player, coincidentally, that I can stomach on that team.

I think we will beat UT tomorrow. Ainge blows and maybe our D will stop runs, screens, and slants! We'll put up some points as well. Should be an emotional day for me, as I frequently cry at senior day celebration. I cried at J.P. Blevins' and even Josh Carrier's. Those videos get to me.

Pete Sampras still plays tennis!!??!??

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

...Or Give Me Death...

There's a way to connect the Patrick Henry speech with Billy Gillispie's current state at UK, but I can't figure out how. What I can say is that if we lose to Liberty, Gillispie may die. I really hope we win.

Drew Neitzel proved his mettle last night by draining a three late; however, he also missed badly and completely airballed...later. Thus, Neitzel is pretty much what I thought he was: an overrated honky who thinks he's good. He wants to be "the guy;" unfortunately, he is a poor shooter. He seems to be a role player trying to morph into a star. Just run the offense, Drew. You're a good enough shooter to take 4 or 5 threes a game, just not at crunch time. Drew Neitzel sucks.

OK, I'm bored.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Hi, My Name is David...

How many times is this guy going to get hurt? He is the Rafael Little of UL basketball. In all seriousness, I wish he would put more arc on his free throws. It bothers me.

Tough blow for the Cards. I guess now we can understand why they won't win a national championship this year. Any game they lose will be a direct result of the Padgett injury--that's how Pitino will spin it at least. Pitino lies so much that it is almost admirable. It wouldn't be, however, if the UL fanbase didn't take everything he says as absolute truth. He treats the fans and media like a group of drunk chicks. He says a bunch of crazy shit, which they believe, but when they wake up in the morning they think 'that guy is the next Mashburn?' (Seriously, Palacios hasn't been the same since the Rondo eye-rake) Point is, Pitino's optimism is fine and I understand that he is motivating his players and instilling confidence, but it's just annoying how he overreacts with any injury to a player and he builds up opposing teams to be much better than they are. He's a Spin Doctor--without the terrible songs.

Another note on UK and their defense. They are getting a lot of credit as the offense is taking much of the blame, but I don't see why teams ever throw the ball downfield against us. If they ran slants and screens on third down and runs every other play, we wouldn't stop anyone. LSU lost because Flynn kept trying to throw down the field and he is an awful passer. Richt was smart enough to give the ball to his backs and throw at least one short completion (that I remember). Stafford sucks and Richt knew that his passes would get picked; thus, he stopped throwing them. If only we could've put them in a deeper hole we may have forced Stafford to pass; that could've resulted in a blowout.

I realize I may be over-simplifying things here, but have you seen this defense stop a screen or a slant? I know slants are tough, but Vandy scored twice on them (wide open) and UGA converted a key third down. We are very confused by people standing on the outside of the field and running to the middle...we can't stop it. Beyond that, we have major trouble guarding backs and tight ends. Ainge is better than Stafford (I guess), but I suspect UT will try to power over us and use safe passing plays to move the ball effectively. I hope we can adjust accordingly, because we have not shown that we can stop those plays.

Bass college bball preview...catch the fever.

Monday, November 19, 2007

No Love for Tebow?

Why Tim Tebow isn't the clear-cut Heisman leader is absolutely beyond me. He now holds the SEC record for most rushing TD's in a season (20), and he has 27 TD's through the air. However, Ivan Maisel of thinks that Dennis Dixon should win the Heisman, basically because he got hurt. His injury, Maisel thinks, shows how valuable he is to his team. That's all well and good, but if Oregon didn't have a Leaf as their backup, they probably wouldn't suck so badly. Tebow is the best player in country; give him the damn trophy.

Fifth-grader Matthew Stafford is the worst QB that UK's played all year. Seriously, you're not eight, drop the 'hew.' His passes have nothing behind them and they often go to the wrong team. He was dying to throw a pick to Lindley; a feat that he failed to achieve. I think we could've won that game, but all the bitching and whining from UK fans is sickening. I thought UL fans had unrealistic expectations, but we're bitching because we lost at Georgia, the #9 team in the country. It's hard to be good in the SEC week in and week out; I feel like we should know that.

After watching UL get stomped, I am convinced that Urrutia is on the take. He really drops easy passes when he's open, which is rare. He's a tall, fast, and strong wideout who has a physical advantage over every DB, why can't he get open? He's either a giant pussy or someone's in his pocket.

Speaking of the UL game, they certainly managed to make Grothe look good again. Also, all the talk of Cantwell may have been blown out of proportion. I saw him make one pass and it was a horrible INT. I realize he hasn't played all year, but come on. We'll see; he may be good, but he certainly won't be nearly as good as Brohm was this year. UL may be worse next year...much worse. Remember, Hunter was a slightly recruited QB out of HS; no one just becomes great like was predicted by so many. Perhaps both he and Brohm were system QB' Ragone and Lefors.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Why Can't GW Beat UConn?

I understand that this is a completely desperate plea, but what about UConn makes them powerful? They sucked last year and there is no reason to believe that they have greatly improved. I was really excited to see that we were going to play them this year after Calhoun said we weren't any good last year. I guess we both suck now; I just hope that they suck worse than us like they did last year.

Regardless of what happens tonight, I still hold out some hope for the Cats. A few years ago, UNC got blasted by Santa Clara in the first game of the year and they cruised to win it all. I'm not saying we can win it all, but I am saying that we will still be good. We have a good coach (I think), good players (well...I like Legion's potential), and a good fan base (unreasonable...but loyal). I think we'll end up being a six seed (in the NCAA tourney...sadly, it's completely necessary to clarify).

If you haven't had the opportunity to watch IU play, consider yourself lucky. They will scare the shit out of you. Not only do they have the best freshman in the country, they also have a Crawford! This one, Jordan, seems to play with a level of control that eludes Joe. Perhaps Jo-Jo can watch his brother, three years his junior, and learn something.

If you haven't seen the preseason All-American team, here it is:
C: Roy Hibbert, G-town
F: Tyler Hansbrough, UNC
G: Chris Lofton, UT
G: Darren Collison, UCLA
G: Drew MOTHER FUCKING Neitzel???????, MSU
Drew Neitzel is an All-American?!?!?!? First of all, there are at least five players, at his position, that are better than him. Second, what is his position? He is slow, a decent ball-handler, a serviceable shooter, and a defensive liability. What about him makes him an All-American? Is it because he's a senior? No Sean Singletary? No Eric Gordon? No Ty Lawson, Wayne Ellington, Brandon Rush, DJ Augustin, Patrick Beverly? Where are these guys? All of them are much better players than Neitzel, but are for some reason not gaining the same recognition. The media is so ridiculous when they make these picks. Here's mine...bitches:

C: Roy Hibbert-Who cares, there are no good centers in college basketball anymore. He's certainly tall enough.
F: Tyler Hansbrough-Somehow, Randolph Morris made him his bitch last year. I am in great fear of the day he returns to Rupp...
G: Sean Singletary-Best guard in the country on a bad team. Bad, bad team.
G: Eric Gordon-Best PLAYER in the country.
G: Chris Lofton-Best shooter since J.J.

I don't really have the stamina (knowledge) to elaborate any further on these guys, but if UVA is on, watch. Singletary is very good and he is able to single-handedly win games for his shitty team.

Watch Eric Gordon. He's unbelievable.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Kevin Love is a Big, Fat Douche

From watching this tool in the Mcd's All-American game to seeing his highlights in his first games as a Bruin, I can already tell that this fatass is going to be a real chump. As if his facial hair wasn't lame enough, Love excels in the "fat center" game which was perfected by Glen Davis. Basically he plants his fat ass in the paint and waits for the ball to come to him; once it does, he flails his lard-ass around and runs over the defense. A foul is called, and he lives at the line. Big, fat tool.

I really don't have much else to say. Read the Bass.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Andrew Siciliano Blows

Like four years ago, Siciliano (probably spelled wrong, so he'll be Dr.D-bag from here out) filled in for Rome and I pegged him the best sports radio personality ever. He was funny, entertaining, engaging, and he spoke with a certain swagger and confidence that made him kind of a dick, yet endearing. He had fun, playful, yet aggressive arguments with listeners, and he seemed to know a lot of what he was talking about. He seemed very prepared, as he also does when filling in for Rome on the TV show (which is still called "Rome is Burning," even when mega-chump Doug Gottlieb fills in). Recently, while working nights, I found that Dr. D-bag had a show at 7PM called "Gametime" where he updates all of the current game and speaks to their significance, trends, etc. I thought it was a great concept; it's fucking lame.

I began listening at the beginning of the year, and the show wasn't half bad. It kept me abreast of the college b-ball action of the night, and Dr. D-bag was his endearing and engaging self that I remembered from Rome's show. Most of the material was unscripted, and he can be kind of funny. My only (major) annoyance was his constant obsession with talking about shitty Syracuse. It wasn't like he would mention them and openly root for them, at least an hour of the show was him arguing with callers about whether or not they sucked. It was pretty annoying, but it would end quickly and rarely cut into the actual show. He was good at doing his schtick during slow times of games, or when there were no games of interest. He also had some slutty little skank report all the news, Crystal, and their fake-flirting banter was pretty stupid, but tolerable. I haven't listened for some time, but I am again working nights so I thought I'd go right back to Dr. D-bag and the skank. My God this show sucks.

It was last Friday, so I understand they had little to talk about as far as actual games. I was ready for some NBA talk and maybe some previews of the college football games of Saturday, but what I got was completely different. The show began with skank talking about how these cops she banged in some alley (I may be getting the story wrong) giving her a ride when she couldn't get a cab. Dr. D-bag took offense because they should have been working, but as she had mentioned thirty times, they were off duty. So, basically, her story was that someone gave her a ride. First of all, that's the least engaging story I have ever heard. It was literally told like a Jeopardy interview; very lame, pointless, and awkward. Furthermore, I wanted it to be over as soon as possible (shut up Trebek! We'll never get through all of the first round!) Anyway, the banter, scripted by a couple of methed-up high school freshman, was so stupid and fake. To make matters completely unbearable, Dr. D-bag has this fake laugh that makes you want to stab your own face off.

Scripted stories are bad; when they are bad stories, they're worse. The story didn't make sense, and they argued about it for the first hour. They took calls! It was so awful.

Not awful: Ohio State lost! Their mighty defense couldn't stop the same exact play 4 times in a row. They did, however, get the last laugh as they began punching the Illini after the game. Good job, tools; enjoy getting blasted in your bowl again.

I watched the replay of the Vandy game, and, I never say this, but the officiating was atrocious. From the missed fumble call to the pass interference penalties to some phantom holds, those guys were middle school bad. Also, the Ashton Cobb hit, while vicious, was not dirty. Dude was pushing for more yards; got laid out. Deal with it. He wasn't trying to hurt him; he was trying to blow him up. He did; it's unfortunate he was concussed, but these things happen. Vandy fans are crying foul and reacting just as any dork would after getting a wedgie. An atomic wedgie.

BTW, Eric Gordon is scary good.

Thursday, November 8, 2007


That's the text I received at 11:13PM BEFORE having seen the UK game. I saw it this morning and thought nothing of it until I was taking my doggie to go potty (he pees now). Just as the brisk winter cold hit my face, the stark realization of UK's demise flooded my head. Just as LJ squatted for his steamer, I let out an audible "oh fuck." It was a pretty terrible feeling. We didn't get beat by Gardner-Webb--we got fucking smoked. I don't think I've ever been so stunned by a loss since the NC in '97 (I had no doubt that we would win that game). Needless to say I haven't watched SportsCenter and I immediately deleted the DVR recording; thus, to me, it never happened. Why did our games in NY get cancelled? OK, working already.

The real tragedy with all this is that I was primed to write an entire piece on why UL was going to beat WVU, but I just don't have the heart. I truly belive that WVU defense is total shit and if, in some way, the Cards can hold the Mountaineers to less than 40 they can outscore them. No one respects UL anymore, so they can surprise some teams. Look for a good game, I hope they lose by 50.

If you haven't heard the Nickelback song yet, consider yourself lucky. Despite my tireless picketing, this song has not been removed from radio playlists. I'll have the quesadilla, on the house. That is an actual FUCKING lyric in that song.

When I sat down to blog this morning, I needed inspiration after the game of yester-night. Luckily, we have YouTube. Please, anyone and everyone, search Mark Knopfler & Eric Clapton. It will change your life.

I hate to sound like a music snob, but last night at work (we often have CD's blaring in the kitchen...even Snoop Dogg and shit) some skank put in a Dire Straits mix. I hadn't heard Romeo and Juliet in some time, and it solidified its place as my favorite song EVER.

If you dislike this song, you are a Communist. Even if you don't like it, you have to enjoy the fucking righteous 80's gear. As the The Clarks told me Sophomore year of college, I was born too late.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Does LSU Play in Bad Games?

I don't know what happens when LSU plays, but it is never a normal, boring game. Every game for them is like a movie, starting with the Florida game and extending through the UK, Auburn and Alabama games. I don't want to get into another conference blah-blah with anyone, but there is no comparison between what happened at the top of the SEC and the Big East last weekend. If I had to watch the UConn-Rutgers game, I'd shoot my face off. Also, the "mighty" South Florida D gave up 31 in the first quarter to Cincy. With that, Matt Grothe, as I said, sucks balls. So eat it ITV d-bags.

All I can say after watching the LSU game, is that I am super glad Early Doucet didn't play against us. He is huge and fast and unstoppable. Even Matt Flynn can throw TD's with Early on the field!

In order for UK to prove to everyone (inluding me) that we were not pretenders, we may need to win out. A close loss at Georgia would be accaptable, but if we lose to either Vandy or UT this season is just about a wash. We really blew it against MSU--very disappointing.

If you get the chance, listen to Nickelback's "Rock Star," the lyrics are posted below, but they cannot do the song justice. You must envision that tool from Nickelback with the long hair singing with his lame voice.


I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me

(So what you need?)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, on the house)
I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name


And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so I don't get 'em wrong


And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

Friday, November 2, 2007

Go to Hell

Sorry. I haven't written in a while so I thought some attitude might do you some good.

What the hell is the matter with the Yankees? Did they really let Torre go to sign Girardi? When will they learn that turning over the team EVERY year doesn't work? They have no pitching; they have no chemistry; and now they have the equivalent of an unproven manager. I can't wait to watch them fail.

Football Saturday of last week blew. I knew that the game against MSU was being overlooked and that Anthony Dixon was a monster, but I had no idea we would lose...badly. Couple of thoughts: 1) why did we run the ball and throw some many swing/screen passes to our FIFTH string running back? THROW THE BALL!!! 2) why do we, without fail, run to get as close as we can to punts that have been kicked to us? Do we realize that touching them would cause a live ball situation? We had six turnovers; should have had eight. Instead of fire or poison, we should yell "SEC supremacy," we're surely not going to touch that.

What was with the UGA celebration? At first, I thought it was cool. The more I considered it, though, I realized how pissed I would be if someone did that to us. The really bad thing is that type of behavior (especially against Florida) usually results in a brawl. I don't know how that was avoided.

Sean Glennon wears a GT jersey and lights up the Jackets; that only proves that he will do everything in his power to throw to the players in the opposite jerseys. He literally threw like 25 picks last night.

Friday, October 26, 2007

Pooping on Matt Ryan...

I hadn't seen Matt Ryan play a game until last night. However, he was about as good as I expected him to be--not very. The thing that pisses me off the most is that every douche on ESPN and any other outlet is going to spout off about his late comeback and how cool he was under pressure. What they will do is completely disregard the 55 game minutes where he looked like a frightened toddler, and the post-game vomiting that proved it. Seriously, why did he spit-up?

If the nation cannot find five (Woodson, Tebow, Dixon, Hart, Daniel...there) better players to go to New York, then they are not looking at all. There are probably five better QB's (Woodson, Dixon, Tebow, Daniel Bradford, Brohm...there) in the country. Matt Ryan is a chucker; and I can't imagine a more annoying fan base to get two big wins last night than Boston fans.

Ryan looked good under pressure. He looked like an experienced solid QB leading his good team down the field against a tired defense. That's pretty much what I expected. He was far from spectacular. The rest of the game, though, he was frightened and flustered and absolutely refused to step into throws. Furthermore, VT should have had at least two more picks in that game.

CRAIG JAMES IS AN ASSHOLE. Not because of his horrific voting; but because of how stupid he is. He waited the entire game, mouth gaping, and it wasn't until the last five minutes that he could shove Ryan's cock right in there! Did he ever! His head was on a swivel and he was blowing like a cheap hooker (or your mom). ESPN is becoming more and more unwatchable as the days go on.

I can't get over how bad both of those teams looked last night. I hate to sound like Mr. SEC, but neither of those teams should be in a BCS game. I understand the differing circumstances, but if you saw a glimpse of the VT-LSU game, you would have seen a scared bunch of pussies getting man-handled. Let's just all hope that the NC is not OSU-BC; awful, awful, awful.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

CentreCard Nailed It!!!

I was making my usual rounds on the message boards this morning (again, I do NOTHING at work) and I noticed a thread that caught my eye as being something that I had once thought about. The main premise of the post was that the offense is just as productive as they were a year ago. Along with that, the poster continues, where did this man-crush for Jeff Brohm originate? I have never understood, other than his last name, why everyone wants him to be the new coach so badly. I understand that the fans want a change, but why Jeff Brohm? What has he proven? That would be a bigger blunder than Kragthorpe.

I was reading some older entries--namely ones directly preceding the UL-UK game--and I realized that I am a genius. I nearly correctly predicted the score, I predicted that UK was good, and I predicted that UL would suck. I also said that they would struggle with the new coaching change more than they thought (but I didn't think they'd be this bad). I'm a prophet! My next prediction is that Edgar Sosa will become the most-hated player in Big East history. I think that's a pretty safe bet.

Monday, October 22, 2007

UConn, Keyshawn, Tim-mey!

I understand that UL fans are very angry about the fair-catch situation, but please stop pretending that you're pissed because the integrity of the game was damaged. You're mad because you lost, and rightfully so. Their offense was poor, but your defense continues to give up big plays. Blame this loss on the refs all you want; they didn't blow your ten point lead. In fact, they attempted to preserve it by giving UL the ball after it hit Pat Carter and letting them keep it after Anthony Allen clearly fumbled. You can't pick and choose which calls you want to bitch about; one gave them a TD and one saved them from scoring one. Also, it's not like there was a whistle.

The Keyshawn Johnson-Chad Johnson televised tickle-fight was the worst piece of television journalism I have ever seen (and I know bad journalism!). Did he write down any of those questions before they began talking? And why were they shouting? Why did Keyshawn attempt to end it after gaining no perspective? Why ESPN keeps giving jobs to spastic ex-players is beyond me.

Tim Tebow is really, really good. He's also humongous. Perhaps he is not the giant douche we all thought he was last year. He carried himself well while dominating our defense and the game. He's going to win the Heisman and he should. We could be looking at a two-time winner. I hope now the Matt Grothe/Tim Tebow debate can finally be laid to rest. Grothe sucks.

Speaking of people who suck, Matt Flynn proved me wrong and had a hell of a game against Auburn on Saturday. One question remains; how does Les Miles keep getting so lucky? One bone-headed coaching move after another and somehow his teams still win. They needed three and threw for the endzone, but if that gets tipped or bobbled the game ends with Colt David on the sideline. Somehow it was caught and LSU escaped.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Trevor Matich & Dustin Pedroia

What do they have in common? Asshats. Both of them...

You played football. We get it. You are, without a doubt, the stupidest analyst on ESPN (that includes Skip Bayless). For the record, Bayless isn't really stupid; he just tries to say outlandish things to sound original. Although he can never back up his statements with any facts, he can use his annoying voice to fend off any rebuttal. Matich, on the other hand, is an absolute dolt. First, he picked Glenn Dorsey for the Heisman because he makes "piles." Second, he said that USF shouldn't be in the BCS Championship if they won out. While this could almost be a logical argument, his reasoning was completely insane. He said that wins and losses shouldn't be the determining factor when choosing the title contenders, you should see "what else they do." He mentions things like scoring points, playing with injuries, who they beat on the road and at home (USF beat Auburn on the road), and their strength of schedule. When asked if he thought the Big East was weak, he said "au contraire" like a douche. So why not USF?!?!?! He doesn't explain it at all. Seriously, watch College Football Live; you can tell that Joe Schad hates him and thinks he's an idiot. I actually lifted this quote from his website, (clever name), "But if you can't sing, but you think you can, well, that's pathetic." I don't care to tell you the context, but he should take his own advice. You're pathetic. Quit.

Dustin Pedroia. If you saw this chump's locker room blow-up, you'll know what I'm talking about. He has like one hit in the postseason and when asked about his slump, he launched into a cussing fit at his locker. Why? He said that he nearly took Sabathia's head off with a liner and a few more that almost got through. If that works out, he says, then everyone would be talking about how great he is. First of all, if you watch the replay, the Sabathia liner, while a nice play, would have been handled on a hop and he would've been thrown out. It was a soft-liner; had it hit C.C., it would've bounced off his face hilariously. Second, if you had three more hits then you'd be batting, what, .200? You're not great. Since you play for the Sox, everyone is supposed to believe you are because Boston is so awesome. You aren't half the player Troy Tulowitzki is. Shut up. You're a mediocre rookie.

Since I have literally hours of down time at my job, I spend a lot of time on various message boards. Since UL fans usually have far more intriguing conversation than "how bad will BCG beet [sic] FEBUK this year!," I tend to spend more time at ITV, with Jaxcard. Anyway, there was a discussion about Tebow and Grothe. I first said that while Grothe was good, Tebow was much better. Someone cleverly laid the laughing head emoticon on me, and I responded that he was actually much, much better. I cited that Tebow has twice as many TD's than Grothe, but that apparently means nothing. I also cited that Grothe was the 74th rated QB while Tebow was 4th. No matter; facts only lessen the strength of your arguments on those boards. They really piss people off. Even after I said that Brohm was better than both of them, this badass, "Feesh," called me a dipshit and told me to go to the Smack Board! He also told me that "there was no such thing as a "letdown" or a "hangover" and that excuses were for pussies." He must be Vince Lombardi or something. The nerve! First, I wasn't talking smack, so it didn't make sense. Second, yes I know how lame Smack Board sounds. Third, Grothe? I know USF is undefeated and good, but he is a good QB at best. He's a poor man's Dennis Dixon. Good runner, fair passer. Whatever. Go to hell Feesh.

One final note about message boards, this time UK's. Can we face the fact that Brohm is the best QB in the country? He was at the beginning, he is now. Matt Ryan is GARBAGE. I would love to see him get drafted ahead of Brohm. No way. Brohm is a pro style QB with a great arm. I'm not saying he should win the Heisman because that doesn't necessarily go to the best player, but we must give him his due. He's better than Woodson, tool-wise. Yes, tool-wise. Woodson is better managing the game and they both are extremely good under pressure (they both showed that they can be rattled, though - Brohm at Rutgers, Woodson at USC). I think if they were to switch teams, Brohm would experience the similar success (but not as much as Woodson) and Woodson would have less. I think Woodson thrives in an offense where he can read the defense and choose the correct formation and play call. Brohm doesn't do that, and it's been Woodson's game management that have won us some big games.

Basically, I'm saying that Brohm would be successful under any offensive scheme. Woodson is better where he can use his head and manage the game. He knows he doesn't need to throw fifty times and he will run on third and five if he sees an opening. His pump-fake is lethal, and he's been throwing the deep out tremendously. In three to five years, they could both be NFL starters.

Overall, Brohm is a great QB on a good offensive team which relies on his talents to guide them. Thus, his numbers will be much better than Woodson's. However, Woodson is on a good team that needs his intelligence to be successful; his knowledge of defenses and schemes has thrusted him to elite status, and given him a chance at the Heisman. With my vote (I don't have one), I'm going with Woodson because I'm a UK fan. Suck it.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

When will it Happen?

As I sat (stood) at the greatest sporting event I've ever attended, I asked this question about a thousand times, "when will they show us why they're #1." The fact of the matter then became clear, that they had been doing it the whole time; for the first time ever, we were able to withstand it.

When the score was 27-14 in the second half, I couldn't stop thinking that this was when they wore us down. One more score for them and there is no way we can come back. They were stupid enough to throw the ball, though, as Matt Flynn is an absolutely awful passer. We were able to get some scores and clutch FG's (whaaaaaaaa????), and what the hell, it's OT. Brax. We won. Bliss. The post-game playing of "Believe" literally brought tears to my eyes.

The scary thing is now we have to face, quite possibly, a better and certainly more rested team in Florida. There is a chance that they can roll into Commonwealth and smoke us. Of course I think we can beat them, but it will take a better effort than what we gave Saturday (somehow).

Get to GameDay. Get smashed. Support the Bass. Bumper stickers soon and a mention in the CJ Features section Saturday. Street cred, son. More tomorrow...

Thursday, October 11, 2007


The title may be a bit misleading, but if anyone saw Sportscenter this morning they may see where this is going. I'm sure you all know my feelings regarding the "Who's Now" segment SC once had, and many of you actually defended it. The defense was intriguing, saying that the feature was a space-filler to liven up the doldrums created by late-August baseball. At this time, you realize there is no lull and SC has responded with no stupid gimmicks. That is, until today, when SC unveiled the most God-awful segment in ESPN history. Worse than First and Ten, worse than the the "Budweiser Hot Seat," worse than anything with Skip Bayless, worse than the 2-minute drill with Berman that always lasts like fifteen minutes, worse than Berman's top ten plays (which always seemed to happen decades ago). Worse than all of those things. This feature was called "Poetry Jam," and it was Stuart Scott reading some sort of lame-ass rap poem. Oh my Lord, it was horrifying!

First of all, I can't understand why Stuart Scott has a job. His catch phrases are annoying, his interaction on Stump the Schwab is awkward, and his attempt at being a "cool, urban voice" rivals that of Stephen A. Smith, and I think you all know where I stand with him. I used to be OK with Stu working opposite Rich Eisen, as they had a solid chemistry--dorky white guy and cool,edgy, yet sophisticated and sharp black guy. Now it's just annoying; and I'm quite certain that there is no end to his madness, as he anchors one of the three thousand NFL shows.

I don't really understand who this is appealing to. The urban community is definitely not enjoying his pathetic "rap poetry," and uppity white people won't like it because they think black people do. So who? Russell Simmons? Terrible.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Is Emmit Smith Illiterate?

Has anyone seen him on TV? He is awful and he sounds like he has completely stopped breathing when he speaks. After the Monday Night game, he referred to turnovers as "interceptions, fumbles, and stuff." Yeah, Emmit, they have a name for that "stuff." When he was describing the interception and return by Terence Newman, he never once mentioned his name. Instead, he used a bevy of random last names to portray Newman. He was guessing last names; it was awful. He did something else but I can't remember it now. Shit. Anyway, remember when he was playing for the Cardinals and cried about how he saw his daughter's soccer game, and how he realized what was important? I guess his daughter sucks at soccer, because he is wasting a lot of time doing these games.

Les Miles is an idiot and LSU should have lost to Florida. First of all, the first down inside the five was not a first down at all. Hester did not make it (or even close). Secondly, he coaches like I coach on video games. He always runs fakes and goes for it on fourth down and stuff. Thirdly, and this is off the topic a bit, Jacob Hester is quite the stud. That guy is pretty awesome...ya know, for a honky.

Now that I live in Indiana, I can tell all of you about the joys of IU football and the Big Ten Network! Awful. Both of them. IU is not very good, and the BTN replays a bunch of Big 10 games and they are booooooo-ring. The Big 10 is such garbage every year it makes me sick. OSU beat the piss out of Purdue, so all of a sudden "they've arrived." Purdue is garbage; stinky garbage.

I can't figure out how to put a live link on here, so just type this in...every day...frequent changes being made...

If anyone wants to advertise something, Perhaps you want to sell something...or give us money. Whatever.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

85 Pitches

No excuse. You ride that bull until his arm falls off. If he can't come back on Sunday and throw again, then what's the offseason for? It's the playoffs. It's not like the Cubs were up 5-0 at the time. Leave him in until he's done.

Along those lines, Soriano needs to stop batting leadoff. I don't get it. Bat him third and move Lee to fifth. At least then Soriano will hit two and three run bombs to precede Lee's impending whiff or double play. I really have never thought the Cubs were very good this year and I am not confident at all. I'll be in Chicago when we get swept. Hooray.

I, however, am confident in the Cats tonight. It is absolutely monumental that we win this game. Playing three consecutive top 12 teams is never easy, especially when the most winnable is on the road--in an impossible place to play. LSU is almost indestructable, and we'll probably get Florida off of two losses so beating fake-USC is imperative. Little needs to get going, especially if it's rainy. Furthermore, Woodson cannot lay an egg; and he won't. Their offense sucks, so if we can jump on them and force them to throw it will be smooth sailing. They see the same old UK coming in; we'll go down there and blast them, 30-17.

Keep checking the Bass, and I'll have bumper stickers next week for those interested. We're getting some pretty solid word of mouth going; a couple of 1000-hit days!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

And So it Begins

Somehow, by the grace of God (Allah), the Cubs are in the playoffs and the Cats are 5-0. It's been a pretty crazy September. The Cubs sure did their best to completely collapse; luckily the Brewers were on their heels and they sucked just as badly. Hopefully Soriano can keep hitting bombs and Zambrano stops being a headcase and we can take one in Arizona. Otherwise, we're be in trouble because they'll throw off in 3 and 4 and we'll have to face Webb in Arizona in game 5. Plus, Marquis, Lilly, and Hill can all get rocked at any time. We really, really need to win game 1. That's our best shot and if we do that we'll win the series. As an aside, I'm going to Chicago this weekend, so it should be a pretty cool place to be. I'm assuming Saturday night, with the game being at 5 (local), could be a pretty fun time.

Along the lines of "must-win" situations, UK really needs to beat the Ole D-bag on Thursday. Let's face the music here Cat fans, we're probably not beating either Florida or LSU. If we can beat USC, we are in good shape to still finish the season as winners of the East. We will have the tiebreak with USC, and hopefully we can either steal one from UGA or they can lose a few more times to give us a chance. The winner of the East may very well have two DIVISION losses. Who knows, it could be UK. Or USC. Or UGA. Oh yeah, Florida's tough too. It's a weird year. UT apparently blows balls--which is nice.

I can't stop thinking about Keeneland. I have a horrible fear that CBS is going to pick up the Florida game and then the MSU game is going to be picked up by Lincoln Financial and we'll have zero Keeneland opportunities! That place is awesome and I don't want to miss out this Fall. I need to be able to give my money to someone in a green vest; otherwise, I'm just not happy. I've always been that way.

OK Big East-ers, get ready to be pissed. The marquee game of the year between WVU and USF was a complete and utter shitshow--and the surly old man in front of me at Commonwealth agreed. He had a lot of interesting things to say, in fact. Anyway, that comedy of errors proved to me that West Virginia is a gimmick offense, capable of doing one thing. When that "one thing," I'm not telling what it is because Coach Rod swore me to secrecy, is taken away, they are completely incompetent. I will say that South Florida's defense is apparently good, but I am not sold on them in the least. I know, I know; they beat Auburn at Auburn and Auburn beat Florida. If South Florida goes to a BCS bowl they will get beat, probably handily.

Pretty good week ahead with the playoffs starting today and big college football games all weekend. Perhaps the Cards can awaken from their five game weed-nap and play a complete game and blow someone out. Doubtful, but possible.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Damn You, CBS!!!

CBS (and for some, Peter) has single-handedly ruined what could have been the greatest weekend in recorded history. Friday night: midnight madness. Saturday: Keeneland. Saturday evening: Tailgating. Saturday night: UK-LSU in Cats' biggest win in history. The game will be at 3:30 so we'll just have to settle for tailgating. Oh well.

The Cubs magic number is 3. That is simply a number that will haunt us all after they blow the lead in the last week. The only hope remaining is that the Brewers are bigger chokers than us. Let's hope that's enough.

UL fans are freaking out and I can't stay away from their message boards. I just had to post in response to this:

good post. I totally understand. Another game to add is the Michigan St game in the mid 90's,... pouring ran all day. I sat in the open side of the Fairgrounds, under a trash bag.

I have invested a great deal of time, money and most importantly my heart and soul into being a card fan. This season it is like getting dump by your wife, kicked in the nuts by your kids, biten by your dog and so on. If booing helps you deal with it, go for it, I understand. Get it out of your system and then try to be positive. We need to circle the wagons

(all grammatical and spelling errors his...I mean, ran??????????)

My reply:

I'm not even a UL fan and this pisses me off. The reason you feel this way is because of the hype YOU ALL (and the CJ) created. I can assure you that the players are working as hard as they can to win games. Trust me, they care way more than you do. If you don't like Krag, fine. Talk about how much he sucks and call-in and bitch about it. Don't boo a bunch of kids, many of whom you've praised for so long, because their coaches don't have their sh*t together. Coming into this season, it was evident that the Cards had very good team, but w/ a new coach anything can happen. No one wanted to believe that and the fans wanted to build this team into something that they weren't. It appears that as of now they are not very good; that doesn't mean that effort is lacking and these 20 year-olds deserve boos from fat, drunk rednecks. Brian Brohm could be the best ever out of UL and you want to boo him. Good way to repay the Louisville native who turned down millions to return to school and please ALL OF YOU. Quit acting like fairweather losers and support these guys who have given up so much of their time to please you. If I was them, I would be so excited to play on the road and they'll probably perform better. I hope they come back from Raleigh after blowing out N.C. State to all of your cheers at the Red Mile and they boo all of your dumb asses.

I find it very interesting how before the UK game UL fans were opining on ITV on the topic of how great their fandom was. You lose two game, and poof, gone. Jesus, UK fans aren't that bad. It's just funny how all of the misguided build-up by these fans has completely blown up in their face and their mad at--anyone else. Be mad at yourselves; you guys were the ones christening Krag. Even through that, this loyal blogger predicted a Cats victory and even said that UK was better than UL. Changing coaches is hard no matter how good your QB is. Also, until the UK game, I'd only heard of Willie Williams on your defense and that was only due to his convictions. I don't know who made up the fact that they were all-world. They suck. They're clueless.

Also, I know a little something about booing. I have to be the only person in history to almost get kicked out of a bar for doing it. It was tremendous. So I'm not anti-booing; I just don't boo my favorite team--ever.

Monday, September 24, 2007

A Weekend in Text

In honor of the Cats blasting Houston Nutt's Hogs, I give to you the actual compilation of text messages, the senders and my replies. Enjoy!

Sean: (2:23) Are you watching UL?
Me (to Sean): (2:24) No but im gettin scores...What is it now?
Sean: (2:25) 28
Sean: (2:25) 28-14
Me (to Sean): (2:25) Wow
Jed: (2:27) Wow.
Jed: (2:40) I told you Soriano was good.
Jed:(2:54) Lee is 4 for 4 you big meanie
Me (to Jed): (3:00) Wow...Louisville is terrible.
Jed: (3:00) They are killing our rpi
Me (to Jed): (3:01) Well, that doesn't exist in football so I think were ok.
Jed: (3:02) What is it called
Me (to Jed): (3:04) Bcs..surprised you haven't heard of it... Benn surrounded by contraversy for ten years now.
Jed: (3:08) Well smart guy...try spelling 'controversy' correctly

During the Cubs...
Jed: (3:13) Thiskid in the booth on WGN is awesome

Cards making a comeback...
Jed: (3:33) Seriously Syracuse
Jed: (3:40) That was embarassing

Coy: (5:56) what is the uk rap on youtube called
Me (to Coy): (5:57) I don't know what youre talkin about.

Casey F: (6:07) We Believe!

After the early UK fumble and Arkansas return...
Me (to Jed): (6:18) Clueless. We are without clue.

Something bad happened but I can't remember what...perhaps the McFadden TD run...
Me (to Jed): (7:12) Was that a comedy routine?

After the Lindley return...
Me (To Jed, Coy, Sean): (7:30) That's a positive

After the announcers said that McFadden and Jones, as well as 5-7 other players had a "virus"...
Drew: (7:59) You know that virus is hiv right?
Me (To Drew): (7:59) Nice!

After Keenan's first TD...
Me (to Drew): (8:04) Keenan is really good
Drew: (8:05) Before the snap: we need to get Burton the rock
Me (to Drew): (8:05) Well done
Drew: (8:07) Hopefully their crippling virus will keep them from playing to their potential
Me (to Drew): (8:08) It's our only hope
Drew: (8:08): Unfortunately true

After nearly recovering a fumble...
Me (to Drew): (8:10) That would have been nice
Drew: (8:11) Sure would have

After the McClinton pick...
Coye: (8:25) I love him. (editor's note: Coy's a queer)
Me (to Coy): (8:26) Yeah he's good but fucking Kelley!

After the QB draw when we were going for two...
Me (to Coy): (9:09) We run really bad plays at really important times

After Keenan's 2nd TD...
Me (to Drew): 9:20 He's really good.
Drew: (9:20) He's good (these were received simultaneously...weird)

Once the game was in doubt...
Me (to Coy): (9:34) This is very interesting... Are we gonna win the National Championship?
Coy: (9:36) How bout dem Cats... And we didn't even play that well
Me (to Coy): (9:36) I know... Scary
Shuey: (9:38) Wow! Great win!
Me (to Shuey): (9:39) I cant believe it. We played like shit
Shuey: (9:40) I know. u said it though. they can only run
Jed: (9:55) Believe.
Me (to Jed): (9:58) We played like shit and beat a good team on the road. We are the truth.

Sean being a drunk retard...
Sean: (11:41) The graphic on Sportscenter was LSU, FL, UK - who's best?
Sean: (12:20 Sunday morning) Andre Ware has Woodson as his #2 Heisman candidate
Sean (12:26 Sunday morning) McClinton's pick was #5 top plays.

After the rankings were released...
Joe: (2:53 Sunday) UK #14 coaches poll #15 coaches (note: I think he was a little confused or something)
Me (to Joe): (2:34 Sunday) Wow!

A Worm analogy fit for an English Lit class...
Worm: (4:11 Sunday) Have u seen the "family guy" where meg makes the flag squad?
Me (to Worm): (4:12 Sunday) Yes...and the cool kids fling rancid meat at her
Worm: (4:17 Sunday) Louisville football fans are meg...they get a tiny taste of begrudging football acceptance from the Connie D'Amico's at the cool kids table, then they become so obnoxious and drunk with their own modicum of we all laugh when syracuse tricks them into making out with a pig after we catapulted rancid meat on them!

Again, the rankings...
Shuey: (8:49) See the new rankings?
Me (to Shuey): (8:50 Sunday) Yeah... This is crazy

For good measure...
Casey F: (9:03 Monday) Hey ol ball coach, we're ranked higher thank you. Dick!

All in all, a pretty good week to be a Cat fan. We were finally allowed the opportunity to gloat all week and even come out of an SEC road game with a win. For all of you who thought that we did play well, you're right. Our defense was very bend-but-not-break and our offense was solid. There were several encouraging factors in the game; but we gave them lots of points with bad mistakes. Anyway, I am excited as ever for the early morning Cat Walk on Saturday.

Keep checking out the Bass. We're trying to update as frequently as possible; it will have some really funny shit on there. Chuck is going to try and get on the air with the afternoon underdogs, so be listening on Wednesday. He's already got his one-liner set up, "Hey, although Notre Dame finally scored, word on the street is that Charlie Weis still hasn't."