Tommy Wallace is a huge douche.

Write it down!

This is the Sound of...

...me being a loser. Lose with me. Not UK, though, no. You guys win.

Tomorrow...

Even though I don't think anyone's going to read between now and then, I'm going to live-blog the IU-UK shitshow alone. Because everyone sucks. Maybe Beisner will join; but I haven't asked him yet. I don't care. I'm tired of watching games with no one to talk to (L.J. and Steph are like talking to...well, a dog and a chick).

So, if you's around, hang out. I'll fucking do it alone, though. Watch me. Er, re-watch me.

This Kind of Funny

Bowl Season, Kiddos!

Hey, I'll do that bowl outline thingie again this year...but not today. When do they start? Soon? Oh well. I'll maybe do the first half tomorrow.

As for the live-blog Saturday, you guys are cocks. Beisner may be on board, though he's yet to respond to that email so probably not. I hope you enjoy your stupid little Xmas party that I was going to come to until my teacher changed the date of my final.

Funniest Shit Ev'

I don't really have anything to say about our gargantuan win over MVSU, so I thought I'd share this instead.

As you know, Fire Joe Morgan was easily, easily the funniest blog on the webs. Yeah, funnier than Sports Pickle, and that takes a lot. Well, they shut it down recently, b/c they have jobs or whatever, and I decided to go back and read some old stuff. I forgot about this one. Please read it; good gracious, it's hilarious.

Michael Porter=Will Scott, You Clueless Fuck

I don't know how to properly channel my frustration, so this should be interesting.

Michael Porter: I like the guy. I think he plays hard and can do some things well. And I want to be completely clear in saying that I blame him for nothing. He does his best, and he's a solid player.

Apparently, Billy Gillispie fucking hates him. (Hi-yo! Plaschke-esque misdirection, bitches!) Why is he put in a position of failure every game? Is it stubbornness? Sheer stupidity? Seriously, someone tell me. What could possibly be occurring in these practices? On what fucking galaxy is Porter a better point guard option than DeAndre Liggins? Wait, easier question: Why is Porter playing point guard, ever? That is not his position.

Michael Porter is a spot up shooter. His job is to enter games, run off screens, and basically occupy a defender. He doesn't even need to score; he just needs to spell Meeks and Miller for 6-8 minutes a game. He should never, and I can't stress this enough, guard Jack motherfuckin' McClinton man-to-man. Ever.

Listen, Billy. I don't give a shit how gritty you are, a slow white guy cannot guard a quick guard. It's humanly impossible. And Porter busts his ass. He does. Everyone on the team does. UK is a lot of crappy things this year, they are not quitters. You succeeded, in that regard. They're tough. Now, teach them how to incorporate Patrick Patterson into an offense. That shouldn't be difficult.

We've been firmly mediocre the last few years. However, I've never been more frustrated watching a team than I am this year. And Liggins is not impervious in this realm. He does some stupid shit. He's a freshman; he'll learn. But when guys are lost on both ends of the floor (or out of position, altogether), that's on you.

Short version: Why are shooters open so much? And, can you teach Stevenson to not be such a gash?

I don't want to sound melodramatic, but you're doing your team a disservice. You know, the guys who got up at 6 all summer for boot camp. The guys who would run through a fucking wall for you. And I know you love your players. Shit, you cry all the damn time about them. Then why are you doing this to them?

I want to say you're the man for this job, Billy. I really, really, really want to. I want to look at the box score of today's game and say, "Aw shucks, we're coming along, at least!" I can't. We should have won this game. Miami is an OK team. We cannot continue spotting teams 8-10 point leads in the first 5 minutes of play.

Look, I guess my point is simple: starting Porter is batshit crazy. Call me a man of low-integrity, but Liggins could shit in my cereal and I'd start him over Porter. He gets a free pass.

I don't have to tell you that, though, do I?

Jed's a Douche

Liggins' Defiance Saved Our Season!

Thanks, D! Without your dick-holery, we'd still be clanging around, looking for an offense!

I kid. Of course I love Liggins and think that, since he's good, he should be able to do whatever he desires. And hell, where/when did he learn to shoot so...so...effectively.

Was it me, or was that Lamar squad rife with assholes, including their coach? He gave Gillispie the ol' breeze-by after the game, that's for sure. Plus, one anus gunned the ball at Harrellson's junk. To Josh's credit, he calmly picked up the ball (which was dead), and deftly laid it in.

OK, that's it, for now. Join me and the others on KSR tomorrow night for some live-blog action, as Da Ville faces Rutgers for abso-fucking-lutely nothing.

Our Offense

Yeah, we should start posting again. The rigors of KSR have pulled me away, but the lack of redneck commenting (Tommy notwithstanding) has brought me back! With that, who's up for an illogical discussion of our offense? Alright, let's keep this modicum of momentum going! (That applies both to this blog and UK basketball.)

First, Louisville...ha. Pitino should kick Edgar Sosa off the team for agreeing to enter the game. Of course, UL will be in the mix come June. However, this group of dunderheads will find a way to blow it.

As for UK, we run a middle school offense. Seriously. We have two big-time scorers, and we choose to throw that ridiculous lob pass every play. It works on occasion, but it is also very easily defended. I've seen Patterson seal his man--he can do it, I promise. Plus, I think he is much better scoring with his back to the basket anyway. He also has a great face-up game from like 18 feet and in. Lob passes are stupid; they're fine with Harrellson, but we look like a team that knows only one play. And I hate to be the person who says this, but that play is a rolled ankle waiting to happen. A spazzy little guard is going to slip into the post, and Patterson is going to land on his foot. Don't blame me...


I don't really understand the complete lack of an inside-outside game with Meeks and Patterson. I doubt that we will continue running this play as often as we did in Vegas. And I think it's a good piece to have in our offense; I just think we need other stuff too. Like, anything. I've never seen a team beat a formidable opponent without EVER initiating an offense. OK, we ran an offense late, but it was ugly.


Last thing, I've considered live-blogging the games again. I don't know if I will or not. However, we can use the high-fallutin' software that we use on KSR, so Train, Jed, Tommy, and whoever else can all contribute in real time. It would be like watching the game together, without having to smell one another. Plus, Tommy's constant positive panderings are probably much more tolerable in text.

In all fairness to Coach P

A lot of times, my buddies and I (Tommy) like to make fun of Ricky's ostentatiously bold claims about all thing Louisville (i.e. Marvin Stone will be a lottery pick, Palacios will be better than Mashburn). But, our boy Billy G will not be outdone.

Here's his quote about the new darling of Lexington, Deandre Liggins, after his game against West Vagina (sp?):

Gillispie said Liggins' game against WVU -- four points, three assists and two rebounds -- was the "best we have seen maybe in the two years that I have been here as far as a commander at the position."

I'm all about intangibles, but Ramel had at least one better game than that. Obviously, he's trying to pump up his prima donna frosh, but I always thought that this type of bravado was only necessary in the Derby City. Apparently, I was wrong.