Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Packing Bowls: Part 1

I know that title doesn't make sense, but what would you use, smart ass? OK, we'll move chronologically from earliest to latest, then the BCS games. Sixteen today, sixteen tomorrow. If you follow my lead, Vegas will be out of business!!!

Poinsettia Bowl-Utah v. Navy
Utah looked explosive against UL, but, then again, who didn't? Either way, what's Navy going to do, run the option? Seriously Navy, you are the most disciplined team in a bowl, lose the middle-school offense. Germantown Catholic has you figured out. Pick: Utah

New Orleans Bowl-Florida Atlantic v. Memphis
The crash-course has ended; the New Orleans Bowl title will finally go to, um, wherever Florida Atlantic is located. Pick: FAU

Las Vegas Bowl-UCLA v. BYU
Ah yes, the battle of the acronyms. There's one in every bowl season. Are there any more Detmer's? Those kids were annoying. OK, L.A. kids vs. Mormans... Pick: UCLA

New Mexico Bowl-New Mexico (surprise, surprise) v. Nevada
Wow. This is a bad one. When I first got a PlayStation, GameBreaker was my game of choice. In my first season in "Dynasty Mode," my team was Nevada. There is no other way to choose between these guys. Pick: Nevada

PapaJohns.com Bowl-Cincinnati v. Southern Miss
If UofL didn't have such a shitty stadium, maybe they'd play this game in Louisville. Better yet, they should play it at Jeff High. Anyway, I see a big game from all those guys on Cincy who turned out to be not very good. Pick: Da 'natti

Hawaii Bowl-Boise St. v. East Carolina
If you've ever seen an East Carolina game, you would know that they have an awesome painting of a pirate at midfield. You would also see that they have an awful, awful football team. Pick: Boise St.

Motor City Bowl-Central Michigan v. Purdue
Oh my, what a bad game. Pick: Central Michigan

Holiday Bowl-Arizona State v. Texas
Jammal Charles will likely run wild on the ASU defense, who searches in vain for some of the famed "Holiday Bowl magic." They can't find it, but they did manage to roofey the "Sun Devil magic" and bed some pretty fine co-eds. Pick: Texas

Emerald Bowl-Maryland v. Oregon St.
Ralph Friedgen, the fattest man alive, is an offensive mastermind. He's going to have to pull out all the stops, because his team blows. Pick: Maryland (upset!)

Champs Sports Bowl-Boston College v. Michigan State
Nary a month ago we were discussing the prospect of Boston College going to the National Championship. Thank God that didn't happen. I didn't even know Michigan State was bowl eligible. Pick: Boston College

Texas Bowl-TCU v. Houston
I didn't know there was a Texas Bowl, but by God it's living up to its name. Since the game is in Houston, there's no other way to go. Pick: Houston

Alamo Bowl-Texas A & M v. Penn State
Remember when Joe Paterno almost pissed himself on the sidelines? Or when he broke his leg? What about the story about him snapping at a female driver? These things aren't talked about nearly enough. Pick: Texas A & M

Liberty Bowl-UCF v. Mississippi State
Once famous for an embarassing UL rap song, the Liberty Bowl has quickly turned into the "oh God, anything but this game" for lower-tier SEC teams. Judging by the beatdown administered by the Bulldogs against UK, I assume they will bottle up the nation's top rusher. Pick: MSU

Meineke Car Care Bowl-Wake Forest v. UConn
Using last year's match-up of UL v. Wake Forest as evidence, apparently the Orange Bowl is a curse for your team. Judging by this year's match-up of Va. Tech and Kansas, it may actually be true. Either way, UConn sucks. Pick: Wake

Independence Bowl-Colorado v. Alabama
John Parker Wilson, older brother to that kid on "Two-a-Days," isn't all that horrible. He's horrible; but not horrible enough to lose to Colorado. They're horrible. Horrible. Pick: Alabama

Insight Bowl-Oklahoma State v. Indiana
Since I live up here, all I hear about is, well, Eric Gordon. No one cares about football. It was a nice story for IU, but if you watch this game, you will understand why people think the Big 10 sucks. IU's bad. Very bad. Pick: Oklahoma State

That's the end of part I. Part II should be much better, as I'll be able to make fun of more people because I won't be dealing with teams that suck.

A final word about Kentucky? basketball. Remember the ugly wins we used to get with Tubby, where we'd beat team like 59-50? I would do anything for that to happen tonight.

Want to feel angry about not being a professional athlete? Check this out: http://coedmagazine.com/sports/4076

And I thought that I couldn't hate Scott Podsednik more...

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

let me guess the SEC will go undefeated in bowl games? Actually, I only have Petrino's boys losing to mizzou.

A-Train