Trevor Matich & Dustin Pedroia

What do they have in common? Asshats. Both of them...

You played football. We get it. You are, without a doubt, the stupidest analyst on ESPN (that includes Skip Bayless). For the record, Bayless isn't really stupid; he just tries to say outlandish things to sound original. Although he can never back up his statements with any facts, he can use his annoying voice to fend off any rebuttal. Matich, on the other hand, is an absolute dolt. First, he picked Glenn Dorsey for the Heisman because he makes "piles." Second, he said that USF shouldn't be in the BCS Championship if they won out. While this could almost be a logical argument, his reasoning was completely insane. He said that wins and losses shouldn't be the determining factor when choosing the title contenders, you should see "what else they do." He mentions things like scoring points, playing with injuries, who they beat on the road and at home (USF beat Auburn on the road), and their strength of schedule. When asked if he thought the Big East was weak, he said "au contraire" like a douche. So why not USF?!?!?! He doesn't explain it at all. Seriously, watch College Football Live; you can tell that Joe Schad hates him and thinks he's an idiot. I actually lifted this quote from his website, www.trevormatich.com (clever name), "But if you can't sing, but you think you can, well, that's pathetic." I don't care to tell you the context, but he should take his own advice. You're pathetic. Quit.

Dustin Pedroia. If you saw this chump's locker room blow-up, you'll know what I'm talking about. He has like one hit in the postseason and when asked about his slump, he launched into a cussing fit at his locker. Why? He said that he nearly took Sabathia's head off with a liner and a few more that almost got through. If that works out, he says, then everyone would be talking about how great he is. First of all, if you watch the replay, the Sabathia liner, while a nice play, would have been handled on a hop and he would've been thrown out. It was a soft-liner; had it hit C.C., it would've bounced off his face hilariously. Second, if you had three more hits then you'd be batting, what, .200? You're not great. Since you play for the Sox, everyone is supposed to believe you are because Boston is so awesome. You aren't half the player Troy Tulowitzki is. Shut up. You're a mediocre rookie.

Since I have literally hours of down time at my job, I spend a lot of time on various message boards. Since UL fans usually have far more intriguing conversation than "how bad will BCG beet [sic] FEBUK this year!," I tend to spend more time at ITV, with Jaxcard. Anyway, there was a discussion about Tebow and Grothe. I first said that while Grothe was good, Tebow was much better. Someone cleverly laid the laughing head emoticon on me, and I responded that he was actually much, much better. I cited that Tebow has twice as many TD's than Grothe, but that apparently means nothing. I also cited that Grothe was the 74th rated QB while Tebow was 4th. No matter; facts only lessen the strength of your arguments on those boards. They really piss people off. Even after I said that Brohm was better than both of them, this badass, "Feesh," called me a dipshit and told me to go to the Smack Board! He also told me that "there was no such thing as a "letdown" or a "hangover" and that excuses were for pussies." He must be Vince Lombardi or something. The nerve! First, I wasn't talking smack, so it didn't make sense. Second, yes I know how lame Smack Board sounds. Third, Grothe? I know USF is undefeated and good, but he is a good QB at best. He's a poor man's Dennis Dixon. Good runner, fair passer. Whatever. Go to hell Feesh.

One final note about message boards, this time UK's. Can we face the fact that Brohm is the best QB in the country? He was at the beginning, he is now. Matt Ryan is GARBAGE. I would love to see him get drafted ahead of Brohm. No way. Brohm is a pro style QB with a great arm. I'm not saying he should win the Heisman because that doesn't necessarily go to the best player, but we must give him his due. He's better than Woodson, tool-wise. Yes, tool-wise. Woodson is better managing the game and they both are extremely good under pressure (they both showed that they can be rattled, though - Brohm at Rutgers, Woodson at USC). I think if they were to switch teams, Brohm would experience the similar success (but not as much as Woodson) and Woodson would have less. I think Woodson thrives in an offense where he can read the defense and choose the correct formation and play call. Brohm doesn't do that, and it's been Woodson's game management that have won us some big games.

Basically, I'm saying that Brohm would be successful under any offensive scheme. Woodson is better where he can use his head and manage the game. He knows he doesn't need to throw fifty times and he will run on third and five if he sees an opening. His pump-fake is lethal, and he's been throwing the deep out tremendously. In three to five years, they could both be NFL starters.

Overall, Brohm is a great QB on a good offensive team which relies on his talents to guide them. Thus, his numbers will be much better than Woodson's. However, Woodson is on a good team that needs his intelligence to be successful; his knowledge of defenses and schemes has thrusted him to elite status, and given him a chance at the Heisman. With my vote (I don't have one), I'm going with Woodson because I'm a UK fan. Suck it.