BREAKING NEWS!!!

Brace yourselves everyone, I have breaking news. It has recently come to my attention that no one gives a shit about Bill Parcells or what job he takes. In the span of about thirty minutes yesterday, the headline of ESPN.com changed from Parcells taking the Falcons VP of Footballnobodycares, to him not taking it. Thus, ESPN is breaking false news, just so they can make more news with the retraction. In the end, they were finally able to report that he took the Dolphins job instead.

They way they presented it was priceless. Of course it was "sources close to the situation" had said that he was taking the job. Then they were all, "not so fast..." No shit assholes, you fucked it up! I love the way they were acting like they were these tremendous sleuths who were able to get to the bottom of some amateurish report. Basically, it would be the same as me being like, "OMG, a source close to UK is telling me that Scotty Hopson will sign!" And then, moments later, me being like, "hold your horses, Cat fans. The deal has yet to closed...." In the end, they reported the wrong news, and then followed it up with a "Breaking News" alert, which basically said nothing has happened. The "Breaking News" was literally, "nothing has changed."

Why is this news to begin with? First of all, I ask everyone to name as many VP of football operations, or whatever the hell is title is, in the NFL. I'm not saying that it's a meaningless job, although it could be, but no one knows.

Also, what's the deal with Berman and the greatest highlight ever? Another subjective competition to muddle up Sportscenter. I don't even know when the highlights are on anymore. Also, ESPN wants "you the fan" to choose the TOP 100(!!!) highlights of all time. So, you know, set aside three or four hours so that you can rank those.

Furthermore, I saw the "Budweiser Hot Seat" with Skip Bayless and Mike Golic today. In an epic battle of two men who should be unemployed, Bayless and Golic spouted off about who was better between the Packers and the Cowboys. As you can imagine, I was on the edge of my seat. It was akin to watching The View.