Friday, October 26, 2007

Pooping on Matt Ryan...

I hadn't seen Matt Ryan play a game until last night. However, he was about as good as I expected him to be--not very. The thing that pisses me off the most is that every douche on ESPN and any other outlet is going to spout off about his late comeback and how cool he was under pressure. What they will do is completely disregard the 55 game minutes where he looked like a frightened toddler, and the post-game vomiting that proved it. Seriously, why did he spit-up?

If the nation cannot find five (Woodson, Tebow, Dixon, Hart, Daniel...there) better players to go to New York, then they are not looking at all. There are probably five better QB's (Woodson, Dixon, Tebow, Daniel Bradford, Brohm...there) in the country. Matt Ryan is a chucker; and I can't imagine a more annoying fan base to get two big wins last night than Boston fans.

Ryan looked good under pressure. He looked like an experienced solid QB leading his good team down the field against a tired defense. That's pretty much what I expected. He was far from spectacular. The rest of the game, though, he was frightened and flustered and absolutely refused to step into throws. Furthermore, VT should have had at least two more picks in that game.

CRAIG JAMES IS AN ASSHOLE. Not because of his horrific voting; but because of how stupid he is. He waited the entire game, mouth gaping, and it wasn't until the last five minutes that he could shove Ryan's cock right in there! Did he ever! His head was on a swivel and he was blowing like a cheap hooker (or your mom). ESPN is becoming more and more unwatchable as the days go on.

I can't get over how bad both of those teams looked last night. I hate to sound like Mr. SEC, but neither of those teams should be in a BCS game. I understand the differing circumstances, but if you saw a glimpse of the VT-LSU game, you would have seen a scared bunch of pussies getting man-handled. Let's just all hope that the NC is not OSU-BC; awful, awful, awful.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

CentreCard Nailed It!!!

I was making my usual rounds on the message boards this morning (again, I do NOTHING at work) and I noticed a thread that caught my eye as being something that I had once thought about. The main premise of the post was that the offense is just as productive as they were a year ago. Along with that, the poster continues, where did this man-crush for Jeff Brohm originate? I have never understood, other than his last name, why everyone wants him to be the new coach so badly. I understand that the fans want a change, but why Jeff Brohm? What has he proven? That would be a bigger blunder than Kragthorpe.

I was reading some older entries--namely ones directly preceding the UL-UK game--and I realized that I am a genius. I nearly correctly predicted the score, I predicted that UK was good, and I predicted that UL would suck. I also said that they would struggle with the new coaching change more than they thought (but I didn't think they'd be this bad). I'm a prophet! My next prediction is that Edgar Sosa will become the most-hated player in Big East history. I think that's a pretty safe bet.

Monday, October 22, 2007

UConn, Keyshawn, Tim-mey!

I understand that UL fans are very angry about the fair-catch situation, but please stop pretending that you're pissed because the integrity of the game was damaged. You're mad because you lost, and rightfully so. Their offense was poor, but your defense continues to give up big plays. Blame this loss on the refs all you want; they didn't blow your ten point lead. In fact, they attempted to preserve it by giving UL the ball after it hit Pat Carter and letting them keep it after Anthony Allen clearly fumbled. You can't pick and choose which calls you want to bitch about; one gave them a TD and one saved them from scoring one. Also, it's not like there was a whistle.

The Keyshawn Johnson-Chad Johnson televised tickle-fight was the worst piece of television journalism I have ever seen (and I know bad journalism!). Did he write down any of those questions before they began talking? And why were they shouting? Why did Keyshawn attempt to end it after gaining no perspective? Why ESPN keeps giving jobs to spastic ex-players is beyond me.

Tim Tebow is really, really good. He's also humongous. Perhaps he is not the giant douche we all thought he was last year. He carried himself well while dominating our defense and the game. He's going to win the Heisman and he should. We could be looking at a two-time winner. I hope now the Matt Grothe/Tim Tebow debate can finally be laid to rest. Grothe sucks.

Speaking of people who suck, Matt Flynn proved me wrong and had a hell of a game against Auburn on Saturday. One question remains; how does Les Miles keep getting so lucky? One bone-headed coaching move after another and somehow his teams still win. They needed three and threw for the endzone, but if that gets tipped or bobbled the game ends with Colt David on the sideline. Somehow it was caught and LSU escaped.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Trevor Matich & Dustin Pedroia

What do they have in common? Asshats. Both of them...

You played football. We get it. You are, without a doubt, the stupidest analyst on ESPN (that includes Skip Bayless). For the record, Bayless isn't really stupid; he just tries to say outlandish things to sound original. Although he can never back up his statements with any facts, he can use his annoying voice to fend off any rebuttal. Matich, on the other hand, is an absolute dolt. First, he picked Glenn Dorsey for the Heisman because he makes "piles." Second, he said that USF shouldn't be in the BCS Championship if they won out. While this could almost be a logical argument, his reasoning was completely insane. He said that wins and losses shouldn't be the determining factor when choosing the title contenders, you should see "what else they do." He mentions things like scoring points, playing with injuries, who they beat on the road and at home (USF beat Auburn on the road), and their strength of schedule. When asked if he thought the Big East was weak, he said "au contraire" like a douche. So why not USF?!?!?! He doesn't explain it at all. Seriously, watch College Football Live; you can tell that Joe Schad hates him and thinks he's an idiot. I actually lifted this quote from his website, (clever name), "But if you can't sing, but you think you can, well, that's pathetic." I don't care to tell you the context, but he should take his own advice. You're pathetic. Quit.

Dustin Pedroia. If you saw this chump's locker room blow-up, you'll know what I'm talking about. He has like one hit in the postseason and when asked about his slump, he launched into a cussing fit at his locker. Why? He said that he nearly took Sabathia's head off with a liner and a few more that almost got through. If that works out, he says, then everyone would be talking about how great he is. First of all, if you watch the replay, the Sabathia liner, while a nice play, would have been handled on a hop and he would've been thrown out. It was a soft-liner; had it hit C.C., it would've bounced off his face hilariously. Second, if you had three more hits then you'd be batting, what, .200? You're not great. Since you play for the Sox, everyone is supposed to believe you are because Boston is so awesome. You aren't half the player Troy Tulowitzki is. Shut up. You're a mediocre rookie.

Since I have literally hours of down time at my job, I spend a lot of time on various message boards. Since UL fans usually have far more intriguing conversation than "how bad will BCG beet [sic] FEBUK this year!," I tend to spend more time at ITV, with Jaxcard. Anyway, there was a discussion about Tebow and Grothe. I first said that while Grothe was good, Tebow was much better. Someone cleverly laid the laughing head emoticon on me, and I responded that he was actually much, much better. I cited that Tebow has twice as many TD's than Grothe, but that apparently means nothing. I also cited that Grothe was the 74th rated QB while Tebow was 4th. No matter; facts only lessen the strength of your arguments on those boards. They really piss people off. Even after I said that Brohm was better than both of them, this badass, "Feesh," called me a dipshit and told me to go to the Smack Board! He also told me that "there was no such thing as a "letdown" or a "hangover" and that excuses were for pussies." He must be Vince Lombardi or something. The nerve! First, I wasn't talking smack, so it didn't make sense. Second, yes I know how lame Smack Board sounds. Third, Grothe? I know USF is undefeated and good, but he is a good QB at best. He's a poor man's Dennis Dixon. Good runner, fair passer. Whatever. Go to hell Feesh.

One final note about message boards, this time UK's. Can we face the fact that Brohm is the best QB in the country? He was at the beginning, he is now. Matt Ryan is GARBAGE. I would love to see him get drafted ahead of Brohm. No way. Brohm is a pro style QB with a great arm. I'm not saying he should win the Heisman because that doesn't necessarily go to the best player, but we must give him his due. He's better than Woodson, tool-wise. Yes, tool-wise. Woodson is better managing the game and they both are extremely good under pressure (they both showed that they can be rattled, though - Brohm at Rutgers, Woodson at USC). I think if they were to switch teams, Brohm would experience the similar success (but not as much as Woodson) and Woodson would have less. I think Woodson thrives in an offense where he can read the defense and choose the correct formation and play call. Brohm doesn't do that, and it's been Woodson's game management that have won us some big games.

Basically, I'm saying that Brohm would be successful under any offensive scheme. Woodson is better where he can use his head and manage the game. He knows he doesn't need to throw fifty times and he will run on third and five if he sees an opening. His pump-fake is lethal, and he's been throwing the deep out tremendously. In three to five years, they could both be NFL starters.

Overall, Brohm is a great QB on a good offensive team which relies on his talents to guide them. Thus, his numbers will be much better than Woodson's. However, Woodson is on a good team that needs his intelligence to be successful; his knowledge of defenses and schemes has thrusted him to elite status, and given him a chance at the Heisman. With my vote (I don't have one), I'm going with Woodson because I'm a UK fan. Suck it.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

When will it Happen?

As I sat (stood) at the greatest sporting event I've ever attended, I asked this question about a thousand times, "when will they show us why they're #1." The fact of the matter then became clear, that they had been doing it the whole time; for the first time ever, we were able to withstand it.

When the score was 27-14 in the second half, I couldn't stop thinking that this was when they wore us down. One more score for them and there is no way we can come back. They were stupid enough to throw the ball, though, as Matt Flynn is an absolutely awful passer. We were able to get some scores and clutch FG's (whaaaaaaaa????), and what the hell, it's OT. Brax. We won. Bliss. The post-game playing of "Believe" literally brought tears to my eyes.

The scary thing is now we have to face, quite possibly, a better and certainly more rested team in Florida. There is a chance that they can roll into Commonwealth and smoke us. Of course I think we can beat them, but it will take a better effort than what we gave Saturday (somehow).

Get to GameDay. Get smashed. Support the Bass. Bumper stickers soon and a mention in the CJ Features section Saturday. Street cred, son. More tomorrow...

Thursday, October 11, 2007


The title may be a bit misleading, but if anyone saw Sportscenter this morning they may see where this is going. I'm sure you all know my feelings regarding the "Who's Now" segment SC once had, and many of you actually defended it. The defense was intriguing, saying that the feature was a space-filler to liven up the doldrums created by late-August baseball. At this time, you realize there is no lull and SC has responded with no stupid gimmicks. That is, until today, when SC unveiled the most God-awful segment in ESPN history. Worse than First and Ten, worse than the the "Budweiser Hot Seat," worse than anything with Skip Bayless, worse than the 2-minute drill with Berman that always lasts like fifteen minutes, worse than Berman's top ten plays (which always seemed to happen decades ago). Worse than all of those things. This feature was called "Poetry Jam," and it was Stuart Scott reading some sort of lame-ass rap poem. Oh my Lord, it was horrifying!

First of all, I can't understand why Stuart Scott has a job. His catch phrases are annoying, his interaction on Stump the Schwab is awkward, and his attempt at being a "cool, urban voice" rivals that of Stephen A. Smith, and I think you all know where I stand with him. I used to be OK with Stu working opposite Rich Eisen, as they had a solid chemistry--dorky white guy and cool,edgy, yet sophisticated and sharp black guy. Now it's just annoying; and I'm quite certain that there is no end to his madness, as he anchors one of the three thousand NFL shows.

I don't really understand who this is appealing to. The urban community is definitely not enjoying his pathetic "rap poetry," and uppity white people won't like it because they think black people do. So who? Russell Simmons? Terrible.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Is Emmit Smith Illiterate?

Has anyone seen him on TV? He is awful and he sounds like he has completely stopped breathing when he speaks. After the Monday Night game, he referred to turnovers as "interceptions, fumbles, and stuff." Yeah, Emmit, they have a name for that "stuff." When he was describing the interception and return by Terence Newman, he never once mentioned his name. Instead, he used a bevy of random last names to portray Newman. He was guessing last names; it was awful. He did something else but I can't remember it now. Shit. Anyway, remember when he was playing for the Cardinals and cried about how he saw his daughter's soccer game, and how he realized what was important? I guess his daughter sucks at soccer, because he is wasting a lot of time doing these games.

Les Miles is an idiot and LSU should have lost to Florida. First of all, the first down inside the five was not a first down at all. Hester did not make it (or even close). Secondly, he coaches like I coach on video games. He always runs fakes and goes for it on fourth down and stuff. Thirdly, and this is off the topic a bit, Jacob Hester is quite the stud. That guy is pretty awesome...ya know, for a honky.

Now that I live in Indiana, I can tell all of you about the joys of IU football and the Big Ten Network! Awful. Both of them. IU is not very good, and the BTN replays a bunch of Big 10 games and they are booooooo-ring. The Big 10 is such garbage every year it makes me sick. OSU beat the piss out of Purdue, so all of a sudden "they've arrived." Purdue is garbage; stinky garbage.

I can't figure out how to put a live link on here, so just type this in...every day...frequent changes being made...

If anyone wants to advertise something, Perhaps you want to sell something...or give us money. Whatever.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

85 Pitches

No excuse. You ride that bull until his arm falls off. If he can't come back on Sunday and throw again, then what's the offseason for? It's the playoffs. It's not like the Cubs were up 5-0 at the time. Leave him in until he's done.

Along those lines, Soriano needs to stop batting leadoff. I don't get it. Bat him third and move Lee to fifth. At least then Soriano will hit two and three run bombs to precede Lee's impending whiff or double play. I really have never thought the Cubs were very good this year and I am not confident at all. I'll be in Chicago when we get swept. Hooray.

I, however, am confident in the Cats tonight. It is absolutely monumental that we win this game. Playing three consecutive top 12 teams is never easy, especially when the most winnable is on the road--in an impossible place to play. LSU is almost indestructable, and we'll probably get Florida off of two losses so beating fake-USC is imperative. Little needs to get going, especially if it's rainy. Furthermore, Woodson cannot lay an egg; and he won't. Their offense sucks, so if we can jump on them and force them to throw it will be smooth sailing. They see the same old UK coming in; we'll go down there and blast them, 30-17.

Keep checking the Bass, and I'll have bumper stickers next week for those interested. We're getting some pretty solid word of mouth going; a couple of 1000-hit days!

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

And So it Begins

Somehow, by the grace of God (Allah), the Cubs are in the playoffs and the Cats are 5-0. It's been a pretty crazy September. The Cubs sure did their best to completely collapse; luckily the Brewers were on their heels and they sucked just as badly. Hopefully Soriano can keep hitting bombs and Zambrano stops being a headcase and we can take one in Arizona. Otherwise, we're be in trouble because they'll throw off in 3 and 4 and we'll have to face Webb in Arizona in game 5. Plus, Marquis, Lilly, and Hill can all get rocked at any time. We really, really need to win game 1. That's our best shot and if we do that we'll win the series. As an aside, I'm going to Chicago this weekend, so it should be a pretty cool place to be. I'm assuming Saturday night, with the game being at 5 (local), could be a pretty fun time.

Along the lines of "must-win" situations, UK really needs to beat the Ole D-bag on Thursday. Let's face the music here Cat fans, we're probably not beating either Florida or LSU. If we can beat USC, we are in good shape to still finish the season as winners of the East. We will have the tiebreak with USC, and hopefully we can either steal one from UGA or they can lose a few more times to give us a chance. The winner of the East may very well have two DIVISION losses. Who knows, it could be UK. Or USC. Or UGA. Oh yeah, Florida's tough too. It's a weird year. UT apparently blows balls--which is nice.

I can't stop thinking about Keeneland. I have a horrible fear that CBS is going to pick up the Florida game and then the MSU game is going to be picked up by Lincoln Financial and we'll have zero Keeneland opportunities! That place is awesome and I don't want to miss out this Fall. I need to be able to give my money to someone in a green vest; otherwise, I'm just not happy. I've always been that way.

OK Big East-ers, get ready to be pissed. The marquee game of the year between WVU and USF was a complete and utter shitshow--and the surly old man in front of me at Commonwealth agreed. He had a lot of interesting things to say, in fact. Anyway, that comedy of errors proved to me that West Virginia is a gimmick offense, capable of doing one thing. When that "one thing," I'm not telling what it is because Coach Rod swore me to secrecy, is taken away, they are completely incompetent. I will say that South Florida's defense is apparently good, but I am not sold on them in the least. I know, I know; they beat Auburn at Auburn and Auburn beat Florida. If South Florida goes to a BCS bowl they will get beat, probably handily.

Pretty good week ahead with the playoffs starting today and big college football games all weekend. Perhaps the Cards can awaken from their five game weed-nap and play a complete game and blow someone out. Doubtful, but possible.