Thursday, September 27, 2007

Damn You, CBS!!!

CBS (and for some, Peter) has single-handedly ruined what could have been the greatest weekend in recorded history. Friday night: midnight madness. Saturday: Keeneland. Saturday evening: Tailgating. Saturday night: UK-LSU in Cats' biggest win in history. The game will be at 3:30 so we'll just have to settle for tailgating. Oh well.

The Cubs magic number is 3. That is simply a number that will haunt us all after they blow the lead in the last week. The only hope remaining is that the Brewers are bigger chokers than us. Let's hope that's enough.

UL fans are freaking out and I can't stay away from their message boards. I just had to post in response to this:

good post. I totally understand. Another game to add is the Michigan St game in the mid 90's,... pouring ran all day. I sat in the open side of the Fairgrounds, under a trash bag.

I have invested a great deal of time, money and most importantly my heart and soul into being a card fan. This season it is like getting dump by your wife, kicked in the nuts by your kids, biten by your dog and so on. If booing helps you deal with it, go for it, I understand. Get it out of your system and then try to be positive. We need to circle the wagons

(all grammatical and spelling errors his...I mean, ran??????????)

My reply:

I'm not even a UL fan and this pisses me off. The reason you feel this way is because of the hype YOU ALL (and the CJ) created. I can assure you that the players are working as hard as they can to win games. Trust me, they care way more than you do. If you don't like Krag, fine. Talk about how much he sucks and call-in and bitch about it. Don't boo a bunch of kids, many of whom you've praised for so long, because their coaches don't have their sh*t together. Coming into this season, it was evident that the Cards had very good team, but w/ a new coach anything can happen. No one wanted to believe that and the fans wanted to build this team into something that they weren't. It appears that as of now they are not very good; that doesn't mean that effort is lacking and these 20 year-olds deserve boos from fat, drunk rednecks. Brian Brohm could be the best ever out of UL and you want to boo him. Good way to repay the Louisville native who turned down millions to return to school and please ALL OF YOU. Quit acting like fairweather losers and support these guys who have given up so much of their time to please you. If I was them, I would be so excited to play on the road and they'll probably perform better. I hope they come back from Raleigh after blowing out N.C. State to all of your cheers at the Red Mile and they boo all of your dumb asses.

I find it very interesting how before the UK game UL fans were opining on ITV on the topic of how great their fandom was. You lose two game, and poof, gone. Jesus, UK fans aren't that bad. It's just funny how all of the misguided build-up by these fans has completely blown up in their face and their mad at--anyone else. Be mad at yourselves; you guys were the ones christening Krag. Even through that, this loyal blogger predicted a Cats victory and even said that UK was better than UL. Changing coaches is hard no matter how good your QB is. Also, until the UK game, I'd only heard of Willie Williams on your defense and that was only due to his convictions. I don't know who made up the fact that they were all-world. They suck. They're clueless.

Also, I know a little something about booing. I have to be the only person in history to almost get kicked out of a bar for doing it. It was tremendous. So I'm not anti-booing; I just don't boo my favorite team--ever.

Monday, September 24, 2007

A Weekend in Text

In honor of the Cats blasting Houston Nutt's Hogs, I give to you the actual compilation of text messages, the senders and my replies. Enjoy!

Sean: (2:23) Are you watching UL?
Me (to Sean): (2:24) No but im gettin scores...What is it now?
Sean: (2:25) 28
Sean: (2:25) 28-14
Me (to Sean): (2:25) Wow
Jed: (2:27) Wow.
Jed: (2:40) I told you Soriano was good.
Jed:(2:54) Lee is 4 for 4 you big meanie
Me (to Jed): (3:00) Wow...Louisville is terrible.
Jed: (3:00) They are killing our rpi
Me (to Jed): (3:01) Well, that doesn't exist in football so I think were ok.
Jed: (3:02) What is it called
Me (to Jed): (3:04) Bcs..surprised you haven't heard of it... Benn surrounded by contraversy for ten years now.
Jed: (3:08) Well smart guy...try spelling 'controversy' correctly

During the Cubs...
Jed: (3:13) Thiskid in the booth on WGN is awesome

Cards making a comeback...
Jed: (3:33) Seriously Syracuse
Jed: (3:40) That was embarassing

Coy: (5:56) what is the uk rap on youtube called
Me (to Coy): (5:57) I don't know what youre talkin about.

Casey F: (6:07) We Believe!

After the early UK fumble and Arkansas return...
Me (to Jed): (6:18) Clueless. We are without clue.

Something bad happened but I can't remember what...perhaps the McFadden TD run...
Me (to Jed): (7:12) Was that a comedy routine?

After the Lindley return...
Me (To Jed, Coy, Sean): (7:30) That's a positive

After the announcers said that McFadden and Jones, as well as 5-7 other players had a "virus"...
Drew: (7:59) You know that virus is hiv right?
Me (To Drew): (7:59) Nice!

After Keenan's first TD...
Me (to Drew): (8:04) Keenan is really good
Drew: (8:05) Before the snap: we need to get Burton the rock
Me (to Drew): (8:05) Well done
Drew: (8:07) Hopefully their crippling virus will keep them from playing to their potential
Me (to Drew): (8:08) It's our only hope
Drew: (8:08): Unfortunately true

After nearly recovering a fumble...
Me (to Drew): (8:10) That would have been nice
Drew: (8:11) Sure would have

After the McClinton pick...
Coye: (8:25) I love him. (editor's note: Coy's a queer)
Me (to Coy): (8:26) Yeah he's good but fucking Kelley!

After the QB draw when we were going for two...
Me (to Coy): (9:09) We run really bad plays at really important times

After Keenan's 2nd TD...
Me (to Drew): 9:20 He's really good.
Drew: (9:20) He's good (these were received simultaneously...weird)

Once the game was in doubt...
Me (to Coy): (9:34) This is very interesting... Are we gonna win the National Championship?
Coy: (9:36) How bout dem Cats... And we didn't even play that well
Me (to Coy): (9:36) I know... Scary
Shuey: (9:38) Wow! Great win!
Me (to Shuey): (9:39) I cant believe it. We played like shit
Shuey: (9:40) I know. u said it though. they can only run
Jed: (9:55) Believe.
Me (to Jed): (9:58) We played like shit and beat a good team on the road. We are the truth.

Sean being a drunk retard...
Sean: (11:41) The graphic on Sportscenter was LSU, FL, UK - who's best?
Sean: (12:20 Sunday morning) Andre Ware has Woodson as his #2 Heisman candidate
Sean (12:26 Sunday morning) McClinton's pick was #5 top plays.

After the rankings were released...
Joe: (2:53 Sunday) UK #14 coaches poll #15 coaches (note: I think he was a little confused or something)
Me (to Joe): (2:34 Sunday) Wow!

A Worm analogy fit for an English Lit class...
Worm: (4:11 Sunday) Have u seen the "family guy" where meg makes the flag squad?
Me (to Worm): (4:12 Sunday) Yes...and the cool kids fling rancid meat at her
Worm: (4:17 Sunday) Louisville football fans are meg...they get a tiny taste of begrudging football acceptance from the Connie D'Amico's at the cool kids table, then they become so obnoxious and drunk with their own modicum of we all laugh when syracuse tricks them into making out with a pig after we catapulted rancid meat on them!

Again, the rankings...
Shuey: (8:49) See the new rankings?
Me (to Shuey): (8:50 Sunday) Yeah... This is crazy

For good measure...
Casey F: (9:03 Monday) Hey ol ball coach, we're ranked higher thank you. Dick!

All in all, a pretty good week to be a Cat fan. We were finally allowed the opportunity to gloat all week and even come out of an SEC road game with a win. For all of you who thought that we did play well, you're right. Our defense was very bend-but-not-break and our offense was solid. There were several encouraging factors in the game; but we gave them lots of points with bad mistakes. Anyway, I am excited as ever for the early morning Cat Walk on Saturday.

Keep checking out the Bass. We're trying to update as frequently as possible; it will have some really funny shit on there. Chuck is going to try and get on the air with the afternoon underdogs, so be listening on Wednesday. He's already got his one-liner set up, "Hey, although Notre Dame finally scored, word on the street is that Charlie Weis still hasn't."

Thursday, September 20, 2007


I know you were all on the edge of your seat waiting to what happened in the great "FedEx Bonanza of 2007," so I will share. After all was said and done, I received another email from Tubby which was a forward of an email from a professor near here who was said to have received the package. He hadn't, but that was the fault of someone else. All good. However, when I scrolled the forward down I saw the apology letter she had written to all of the professors. In it, she states "the guy who's responsibility it was to mail these (not me, but became me) NEGLECTED (caps mine) to follow my instructions to overnight them" (I'm sure you all remember the "for deliver tomorrow"). I really didn't care much that she sold me out to these random nerds, but she copied my department chair on the email, so now I look incompetent. At this point, as you can imagine, I was not pleased. About an hour later I went upstairs (where her office and the office of other department professors are) to take copies or something to a professor. Two older professors were talking and asked me to come in (these guys are very cool and they like me). While there, they asked what happened. I told them and they told me that she was literally shouting about me and what I had done so that the entire office could hear for about fifteen minutes. We then discussed how she was psychotic and they fully supported me saying that she was oftentimes "bitchy." Anyhow, I was leaving and Thunder-thighs came over and apologized for "blowing up" and added that it was "OK to make mistakes." I told her that I knew it was and it was OK she blew up, but I hadn't made a mistake. She kind of shyed away from this as I stood there like a goon, and the two professors were outside listening like teenagers. She then said, "really, everybody makes mistakes. I took care of everything." I said "yeah, I know everyone makes mistakes. I make them often. However, in this case, I didn't." She plodded away and that was it.

In other campus news, nary fifteen minutes ago I saw an Asian kid fall off his bike and I really haven't completely stopped laughing yet. It was awesome.

I vowed when I started this blog not to tell stories about my personal life because, really, what's more boring than that but I couldn't resist. Moving on........

The Courier-Journal is making me sick. The Yom Kippur article is absolutely absurd. Mind you, the only knowledge I have about the holiday is that Shawn Green doesn't play that day so no one take this personally, but how many Orthodox Jews are there out there throwing up their L's? Also, do they not get drunk to celebrate holidays like we do? I guess you don't have to be an Orthodox Jew to celebrate, but really, how many people are going to miss the game because of this? Eight? Ten? However many it is, we know who to blame. No, not ESPN. Blame your boy Jurich for being the biggest network slut since Jesse Spano. It's not like anyone's going to watch this shit-show anyway.

Hey Bozich: you're a jerk-off. Not only did you do absolutely no research on your ESPN Classic article, it was awful as well. The game set a record for ESPN Classic viewership (which, admittedly, is akin to leading the International League in doubles) and drew at least close to the same amount of people as last year. He neglected to mention that the Lexington and Louisville markets, who showed the game on WKYT and WHAS respectively were not included in those numbers. Rick Bozich is the Michael Moore of sportswriting, except his points are never completely drawn out--they're just doctored. The most important part of using skewed research to prove that what you are saying is fact is to MAKE SENSE. See, it's easy for Moore to use propoganda with gun laws and healthcare because people don't know shit about it and they don't care to learn unless he is telling them--and that's as far as they'll go. In a situation such as Bozich's, his problem is that with his credibility, people read that and think, 'that can't be true.' Sure enough, it's not. The worst part always happens after the fact, and I always expect for him to write some sort of retraction. Instead, his next column always comes out and it's about Pitino or Jurich or something. Jurich, Crawford and Bozich should all just get it over with and triple-kiss. I'm tired of it.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

My Shitlist - September 19, 2007

Ever so often, there are a couple of people who either say, do, or audibly think something stupid. Normally it's one of these two d-bags Today, however, two other totally unrelated people crept into the picture.

First, the fat woman I work with. Fat people in general are difficult for most to handle anyway, with their odor and constant wheezing, but the woman who is some sort of secretary in my office really pissed me off today. For those of you who don't know, I am the assistant of like 25 Marketing professors. Now, they are a shifty bunch. Anyway, my duties include blogging/sending constant emails, reading KSR, TCP, ITV, ESPN, Sportspickle, and numerous other websites about 30 times a day, as well as the student newspaper and crossword puzzles. I also make copies, proofread, proctor, and deal with idiot students a fair amount (about an average of 14 minutes a week). On Monday of this week, fatty decided to up the ante a bit. She (an idiot who has worked here for over 15 years) asked me to send 6 seperate FedEx packages to professors all over the nation. I (who will have worked here a month tomorrow) thought that it was odd since my job was to send FedEx packages for professors, not fat secretaries. Anyway, I dodged asking the obvious, "why can't you do this?" and simply did what she needed. Today, I get a frantic email with a flaming red exclamation point asking me where these packages were and if I could find their tracking numbers. I did so and told her that the one to Houston, 1500 miles away, probably won't arrive until Friday. Then comes the most frantic and expletive-riddled phone call I've ever received. "What am I going to do?! Those all needed to get to the professors Tuesday! It's for a competition (nerds)!!!" I was like, "I mean, I sent them ground, not overnight." So the dust settles and I send her an apology email saying that I didn't know the packages were urgent and I'm sorry I didn't ask. Her reply is this bitchy retort: Please note…my e-mail noted (redundant much) “Delivery Tomorrow”. I looked at her old email that she had forwarded me, expecting to be greatly disappointed in my error, and saw this:


Here are the addresses for the FedEx packages. Please schedule these for deliver tomorrow. These should be charged to the Center for Global Sales Leadership Account #.

Is there anything else that you need??

I’ll bring the packets down in a few minutes.

(It took her literally three hours do bring the packages down. Three hours. Three.)

Can someone explain to me what the shit "for deliver tomorrow" means. That sentence is 1) retarded, 2) broken english, 3) grammatically incorrect, and 4) unclear. Even if it said for delivery tomorrow I would've assumed that meant that they should be ready for delivery, a.k.a shipped (which is what I thought). I don't understand, if these packages were so urgent, why didn't she say, "these are urgent. Get them there tomorrow" or "overnight these" or "send these next-day" or "man, I should really lose weight and change my horrible early-nineties haircut" or "maybe I should learn how to FedEx, with it being my job and all" or "can you hear my fat ass stomping around upstairs? Because you should be able to" or "why am I so worthless" or "do you think Rebecca is kinda hot? I mean she's old, but, ya know what I mean" or "maybe I shouldn't bother you with my work, but" or "don't take this personally. I'm just taking my fat aggression out on you." She didn't say any of these things.

The funny thing is, I don't give two shits about these packages. I don't care who wins the "Nerd Bowl" this year. I hope no one from my work reads this...

Next, is this douche: That's Howie Lindsey. This tool said that UK and Ole Miss were the same caliber team and that the only reason this loss was big to UL was because of the rivarly with UK. That's retarded, Howie. Ole Miss, is 1-2 with losses to Vandy and Missouri and a win over Memphis. They are a not terrible team. Kentucky beat a top ten team and two others. They are also ranked. I'm not sure what Howie's motives are here; perhaps he's just such a douche that shit like this just falls from his mouth. He probably doesn't want to give UK cradit for being good because he's pissed UL lost and can't win the championship anymore. It's people like this turd that gives UL fans a bad name. All this does is make you guys look sour, jealous, and stupid; which many are not any of these. I don't know why people open their mouths sometimes.

Both of these situations have one thing in common (also the "Underdogs"). How do these people get jobs? They seem so incompetent and stupid yet they have jobs that many people want. The "Underdogs" baffle me with their bias towards the Cards and their stupidity concerning all sports. They have zero talent and they aren't even knowledgeable about anything.

Read the bass:

Tuesday, September 18, 2007


Well, UK won. That was pretty righteous. I really can't say much more that hasn't already been said, but if you haven't seen the replay of the ESPN Classic telecast, you must watch. I guess Bill Curry really hates UK, because he was seriously pissed when they scored at the end. Also, as pissed as he was then he was just as delighted to see the penalty the play before. I suppose he would like for UK to be just as pathetic as they were with him, and since they aren't he is a little bitter. Also, his beloved option play was embarassingly blown up on a pivotal fourth down.

It was a fun game and I would be lying if I didn't say that it was really awesome and terrific, so take that for what it's worth. Every demented UK fan in that stadium (myself included) has been waiting for that win for years. I am being completely truthful when I say that I was totally confident that we were going to score after Allen gave UL the lead late. Seeing it happen, though, was surreal. Not to brag, but I told my arch-nemesis Chuck on the phone Friday that the final was going to be Uk 41-35. So I was damn close. If old man Brooks would have gone for two (like a sane person) and gotten it I would've been one point off.

I am having a bit of a moral dilemma though. I'm not sure if I should root against UL for the rest of the season as usual or hope they play well to make us look better. I guess I'll have the luxury of doing both as I'm sure I cannot wish them well during the game, but if they win, it works out as well anyway. This is just one beautiful man's terrific and correct opinion, but I honestly think they might suck. I know Les Miles thinks that.

Hey, was launched today behind spectacular reviews from, well, my mom and I. Check it out. It rules. It won't take anything away from my spectacular blog, so fear not.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Charles, You Egghead!

(Read Chuck's comment from yesterday...oh and I think you're speaking of either Eric Young or Orestes Destrade)

Anyone else getting a John Clayton/Sean Salisbury vibe here? As some of you may know, Chuck's favorite segment of Sportscenter was the "Coors Light Six Pack of Questions" pitting the ex-Viking against the "egghead" Clayton.

There are several holes in your argument. Let me begin where you are simply inaccurate. While West Virginia did beat the SEC Champion in the Sugar Bowl, it was Georgia, not Auburn. Impressive no less for the Mountaineers. By my count, and I counted twice, the Big East was 13-8 against BCS conference teams last year, not 14-7. I could be wrong, but it doesn't matter. BCS conferences have shitty teams too. The BE beat UNC twice, UVA, UK, Illinois, Maryland, Miami, Kansas State twice, IU, Mississippi State, Georgia Tech, and Wake Forest (7 bowl teams, 1 BCS). They lost to Wake twice, Iowa, Illinois, Ohio State, Michigan State, Virginia Tech and Kansas (5 losses, 4 bowl teams, 1 BCS bowl team). Again, by my count, the SEC was 14-9 against BCS conference teams, not 13-9. Beating California, Washington State, Arizona, Colorado, Duke (twice), FSU, Clemson (twice), Georgia Tech, Ohio State, Notre Dame, Nebraska, and Virginia Tech (10 bowl teams, 2 BCS). They lost to Louisville, Michigan, USC, Missouri, Wake Forest, West Virginia, Wisconsin, Penn State, and Oklahoma State (all 9 bowl teams, 4 BCS bowl teams). Either you were misinformed, did incorrect research, or you just made this up. Thus, your overuse of misleading stats in fact has come back to haunt you. Do you feel haunted? Because you are.

(Editor's Note: I compiled all of these statistics while I was supposed to be working, so they could be wrong. But they are at least very close to accurate and prove the point anyway--even if Chuck's records were right.)

Continuing the theme of competition, let's approach the bowl games. While it is true that the Big East was a perfect 5-o to the SEC's "pathetic" 6-3, let's look at who the teams played. The Big East beat Kansas State, Georgia Tech (beaten by UGA), Wake, Western Michigan, and East Carolina. Also, your precious BCS win over Wake is soiled due to a loss at home earlier in the season to, you guessed it, UK's bitch Clemson. The SEC, on the other hand, lost to Oklahoma State, Penn State, and Wisconsin (by a combined 16 points) while beating Clemson, Houston, Virginia Tech, Nebraska, Notre Dame, and Ohio State. Oh they also won the National Championship and Sugar Bowl by a combined 54 points (both scores 41-14). So in that aspect, although correct statistically, the numbers are misleading.

Furthermore, your point about the Big east being 18-13 against the SEC since 1990 is, while telling, extremely misleading. If ever a Big East-er starts an argument with "since 1990" immediately call bullshit. In 1990, the Big East had a few powerhouses that are no longer there (BC, Miami, VT). Also, UL wasn't in the BE until a few years ago.

Chuck, 35% of all people know you can use statistics to prove anything. 52% of the population are chicks; that doesn't mean that we're all gonna get laid.

The SEC is much stronger top to bottom than the Big East. There is no way to dispute that point. And you're right, the top teams are afraid to play UL and that is a bummer. But wouldn't anyone be? There is no reason to risk a loss when you already have to play the likes of Florida, Georgia, Auburn, LSU, Tennessee, Alabama, South Carolina, etc. The SEC placed 9 bowl teams last year of twelve. The Big East placed 5 of 8. While good, not quite as good. You mention that the SEC doesn't play every team in the conference each year saying, ""Scary depth"? How about the fact that the SEC plays only 66% of the teams in its conference every year?" I don't know what this means. Let's take Florida for example, a powerhouse in the SEC East. They play Tennessee, Georgia, South Carolina, and LSU every year (and FSU). Why schedule another out-of-conference tough game? They need no help with their SOS, so why risk it? It sucks for UL because they need those games, but don't blame the SEC teams for being scared. I assure you, they are not. They still have tough OOC games, just not against UL. UGA-GT, UK-UL, Florida-FSU, Arkansas used to play USC, Vandy played Michigan last year, Tennessee-Cal, USC-Clemson, etc. Also, Georgia has agreed to play UL in a home and home in the future.

A major problem that I have forever seen with UL fans is that they are insecure to the point that rather than simply gloating about their own achievements, they instead constantly compare themselves to UK. Again, I understand that rivalries generally work this way. But be proud of what you were and are able to do with your program.

I'm honestly not trying to bust your balls here Chuck, but the collective balls of UL and Big East supporters everywhere. Anytime there is a forum for this argument, BE fans scream the same misleading numbers that you threw at me. I understand that it is frustrating for UL fans to have a superior football team than UK but get no love because of a lesser conference. Do not, however, try and assuage that anger by touting your conference as better than ours. It's not. It is 100% true that UK plays a better schedule than UL every year; even though it's not UL's fault. I'm also positive it's frustrating to go to Tuesday night games when they are playing Cincinnati.

In the end, we can all agree that UL is currently a (though not by much anymore) better football team than UK. It's just very frustrating for me to hear UL fans say that the Cards are with the likes of SEC powerhouses. They're not and probably never will be.

Hey, neither will UK, so isn't that good enough for you guys?

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Charles, I Salute You

(Note: this is only being written so he doesn't eliminate my "spot")

If anyone else hasn't noticed, for the first time in this football series, the argument has shifted to which team has better fans. First of all, that's a stupid thing to argue. Each team has great fans (me) and each team has terrible fans (everyone else). Let's just say that Louisville's recent successes on the gridiron have brought on some Johnny-come-lately's. It happens. You're now sure to get all those Catholic defects from ND. Secondly, what's the matter with us? The first time that both sides have potentially great teams and we argue who cheers better. But hey, this is a rivalry. Let's just argue and fight.

Next, I must salute the one man who I have seen first-hand as a truly die-hard UL fan. I'm sure that many of you exist in this same caliber as the man affectionately called Chuck-Jesus (soft 'J') or Chuck-Wagon, but I haven't lived with you. Chuck is the guy that when watching a UK game, will openly tell you he's happy that they're losing. Chuck will walk in grinning when EKU makes a comeback and has put me on a one-way train to Soiled-pantsvilleb (that happened...well, not the pee). Chuck is also the man who has never seen a UL game he didn't like. I went to two such events with him; both with tickets to games that we weren't at. The first was a football game at Papa John's, circa 2002. The Cards were pre-Petrino and not great this season, and since it was like a Tuesday the crowd showed their negligence. I remember on the way up asking if we were going to try and bring some bourbon in and Charles responded with a telling (and lame) retort of, "I don't need alcohol to get excited for this." He was right. Cincinnati proved to be a decent opponent, and this only made the fans care less. Not Chuck. He was in the student section, only one standing, screaming and yelling the whole time. People looked at us several times as he was surely disrupting their conversations, but he kept on. UL won that day; thanks in large part to "the wagon."

The other event I attended with Charles was a basketball game later that year. The Cards, again with a struggling team, were begging for fan support. Freedom Hall is much more rowdy than most give it credit for, and the fans were receptive to the up-and-coming b-ball squad. Again, the Cards fell behind (I think it was Cincy again) and the fans became restless. Charles, quipping numerous times that the refs were bad "for both teams," remained motivated and led the Cards to thrilling win on a late three from everyone's favorite English student, Francisco Garcia. The next day Charles was awarded the "Beau Zach Smith Award," given to the person who gracefully (though unexpectedly) led Cards fans through adversity with unending spirit.

I hope many of you have read what's written above (and if you haven't, that's fine too because a lot of it is made up) because it shows that I respect some UL fans who have been through the worst. So now that you kind of think I'm rational, let me piss you right off again. Louisville has won NOTHING. Sure they've done some things that are extremely admirable and quickly with a program of their size, and they should be very proud. They have done things with their football program that UK will never do. They have been to a BCS bowl; they've won their conference. But folks, they haven't WON anything--and they never will. (If you haven't picked it up yet I'm talking about a National Championship.) They particularly haven't won the respect that they think they deserve. Well, they don't deserve it as much as they think.

I know this is going to kill you but I know you've thought at least once, but the downward spiral has begun. Sure it's been two games; sure Coach Krag is just getting his feet under him; but I watched my beloved Wildcats do this after Pitino, it will never be the way it was with Petrino (that should be on a greeting card to distraught UL fans). That's not to say that you won't blast UK for the next 50 years--you may. But you will never achieve the amount of success you did with BP, and you know it--you're just afraid to say it. You see it. You can tell the fire isn't there with Kragthorpe; you can tell they aren't as automatic on offense (even with the ridiculous production); you can tell the players just don't have the same flair. It's all there; but in many ways, it's all gone.

The reality is if UL was able to keep Petrino forever they still wouldn't have won anything. You can't run with the big boys. You think you can, but you can't. I think that is what is so frustrating to UK fans (myself included). We know what it takes to run with those guys; not from experience, at all, but simply from competition against them. I can recall so many games convincing myself that Yeast and Couch were going to pull us through to a stunning upset of Florida--we lose by 20. No problem. I realize that's a bad comparison but it's just a whole different ballgame at the top. If anyone of you watched the LSU game Saturday and truly think that the Cards would come within 20 points of them you need to get your head examined.

UL has a really good team. I do think UK can beat them but I realize that over the last several years we haven't been close to as good. Through two games this year I truly think we're better than UL. It's hard to shake off the past though, and the history of this series is weighted heavily towards the Pizza Box.

Overall, UL fans, you should be very proud of what your program has done and what they can still do (but won't). Just realize that, in the end, you haven't done as much as you think.

"L" no you haven't.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Spot On, Spot On...

If anyone reads this site before they read Kentucky Sports Radio, I'd be surprised and slightly disappointed. However, if anyone has yet to read the "Anatomy of a Card Fan" piece, you are missing the greatest and most important piece of American literature since Matt Christopher penned The Counterfeit Tackle. He is deftly able to articulate what I have been to stupid to say on my own but have forever thought about MOST UL fans that I know. I want to strongly stress MOST for some of my loyal readers. Going to school in a city like Danville, KY would prevent me from having to be around hardly any annoying UL fans, or so I thought. The problem was that I ran into many lost souls who wanted to rebel and be something other than a UK fan. The edgy, redneck, Dixie Highway-white-trash attitude became so sickening to me that I found myself hating them more and more each day to the point where I couldn't even stomach saying 'I mean, I don't hate Louisville.' I hate Louisville. I do. I want more than anything for two things to happen this weekend: 1) We beat UL and send their 'L' flashing asses home losers, and 2) that my dog finally poops. It's been a couple days--I'm kind of worried.

Sorry to have come on so strong but the article on KSR just hit every point that I've been searching for since my hatred began. Realize, though, I don't necessarily hate ALL UL players. In fact, I only hate a few select basketball players and maybe some football players (I hate the entire baseball team but no one cares about them anymore). Brian Brohm is very good and very classy and I really hope he does well next year. The combination, though, of the line-bearded fanbase and the hype machine that is the city from whence I came has only made me want nothing but failure for these guys who's only fault is signing with a team that I despise. I've seen these guys out at bars and generally they tend to be normal college guys who love attention. Of course there are many exceptions, as the basketball players act like tools and some of the football guys do the same, but I don't see that as their fault so much. The problem is the fat losers with their 'L' hats on that are constantly surrounding and protecting them like groupies--these are the assholes giving the players the bad name. This city doesn't have a pro sports team--perhaps that's why these guys are the main attraction. But God, leave them alone you losers; they don't want to hang out with you, they just want to run a train on some skank you went to high school with.

I know this has gone all over the place but I kind of just let myself ramble. I hope you understand. Oh, and don't tell me that I hate UL now because they're good--I hated them before now. It was just easier to say I didn't when we beat your ass all the time. I've rooted against you in every game you've ever played in for as long as I can remember. When I told any one of you that I was rooting for you to beat Cincinnati or Tennessee I was completely lying; I would be over-joyed to watch a Tony Harris/Ron Slay-led UT team bomb the Cards.

I leave you now with a quote from a friend of mine that beautifully sums up what UL fandom is all about. With him coming from the NKY/Cincy area, I asked him if Cincy fans were this bad, to which he responded, "there is no breed of fan like a UL fan."

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Ah, the Shortcomings of Others

Is there anything sweeter than Notre Dame sucking? I know this is going to anger so many people, but you all deserve it for choosing Notre Dame as your "favorite" football team because you're Catholic. They have perenially been the go-to team for any fairweather fan, such as when their own team sucks (in our case UL or UK) they simply respond with a dry, "well, I'm a bigger Notre Dame fan anyway." Now they suck and UK's good, so you can all go to Hell. In fact, they've sucked for quite some time. It's funny that I never heard you tools rooting for Tom Timmermans or Chris Thomas in the "glory days" of ND basketball. Oh I see, that's when you chumps went to being UK fans again. Being a ND fan is nothing more than a sneaky way of being a fairweather fan. Can't fool me, dickheads!

I know that talking about myself makes the rest of you not care, but my fantasy football team is terrific and will not be denied my first title of any fantasy league--ever (this is absolutely not due to lack of trying). Having LT and Drew Brees is enough, but if Randy Moss can stay away from that tatted punk Jason Williams I will be unstoppable. Unfortunately, first place bounced off Todd Heap's face for me last night, but I don't expect that to matter much if Brees can play like a dude next week.

Harry Douglas is right, Louisville is in Louisville. Unfortunately, their opponent this week is not the University of Lexington (even though those clever Card fans on ITV has pegged it as such); thus, his can't-miss logic of "Lexington is in Lexington" makes no sense. Why? Because, hang with me here, Louisville is also in Kentucky. Keep making plays with your legs, Harry, because your mouth makes you sound stupid.

Monday, September 10, 2007

Well, I Emailed Scott Stricklin...

He probably isn't going to read it, but I suggested a new intro that included THE BAND BEING ON THE FIELD! I hope that the murmurs (created by my mom) are true that they are simply holding out for the sweetest intro ever before the game Saturday. Speaking of which, Louisville finally lands a Saturday game! That's a big step for their program. The final score of this game will surpass 100 points; and UL should be thanking us for moving it back. There is no way their defense can remain as clueless as they've looked the last two Thursday's. We have given them a chance to get used to a new coach as well as make some much needed defensive adjustments. So, you're welcome. I'm sorry we made this the third game of the season; I hope the tremendous hype this game is receiving won't affect your play. I understand this is a rivalry and bitching is key, but shut up. The Louisville media has beaten this to the ground so badly it sickens me. You got to hand it to Jody Demling, the creep. He was very clever in including 'Louisville' in every stupid prediction in 'The Book' section of the C-J. That was a great secton with Forde and readable with Bennett; with Demling, however, it makes me wonder how he graduated high school. That guy blows.

LSU is pretty good. They blasted VT. As excited as I am about getting them at home I am just as terrified. If their offense can score thirty points a game they will never even get threatened. I really hope they go undefeated (if they beat UK) and just murder USC in the championship.

The Cubs blow dick. Kerry Wood sucks; Zambrano's a cancer again; and no one can get people out. They are one game back and they look as if they have no hope. Trachsel has come over and gotten rocked; which was to be expected. They will probably finish behind the Cardinals and Ankiel's swollen dome.

I got a dog! His name is Little Jerry Seinfeld (L.J.) and he always pees on the carpet. He's pretty sweet.

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Bought My App. St. T-Shirt...

I've seen no less than five thousand Appalachian State T-shirts on IU's campus today. I know that they are conference/territorial rivals, but I never went out and bought a Towson State tee...

Has it occurred to anyone else that the only reason that Tiki Barber retired was so that he could remember all the shitty things he wanted to say about people? He seemed like a super-nice guy in the league; turns out he's this big asshole. First he made fun of Eli and his leadership abilities (or lack of). Now he's turned his sights to Tom Coughlin and said that is why he retired. Explicitly, he said that he retired because it wasn't fun anymore. You know what else isn't fun? Listening to you whine like a little schoolgirl bitch. Thus, today I'm retiring from you. No more of your crappy commercials; no more of your misguided insight/anger; no more of your children's books; as of today, I am officially retiring from Tiki Barber.

The beginning of the UK football game is always a very exciting time for the fans. There's lots of noise and highlights that fire up the bluenecks, even a little rap ditty from the squad. This year, perhaps the most anticipated in the last fifteen or more, there is the worst of all. Blowing up the other team's mascot was bad; two-bits was worse; the Gatorade commercial-like pregame video only lead to mass confusion among the fans leading up to a terrifying and unexpected explosion and a football team! That was a lot to handle. No one was cheering. Here is the exact transcript from what went on in my head in these 45 seconds: 'what is this?...I guess this is leading up to the sweet video I've been waiting to see for nine months...BOOM! (outside noise)...there's a football team...[end] It was really awkward. They need to change that pronto.

Monday, September 3, 2007

I'm Sorry

Not about the Russo thing; no, about my lack of blogging. I know you guys have been on pins and needles waiting for me, but I've been busy. That's not entirely true, but I promise to have something tomorrow. I would today, but the Cubs are on. Tough.