Mea Culpas (That Means "Sorry")

So, last night was emotional for just about everyone, and I feel like I have to "unload my wagon," as Sheriff Bell says in No Country for Old Men, so here goes:

To Jodie: I said you had no heart. What the fuck was I thinking? Everyone in America knew you were taking that shot, and Calathes played picture-perfect defense, and you still willed the ball in. Not to mention the fact that you never ever showboat or draw attention to yourself. Rare.

To Pat Pat: I made a blog post about you and completely jinxed you. Watching you lie on the floor writhing and screaming in pain is what I assume it would feel like watching one of my kids get hurt doing something. I don't know, don't have any.

To T-Dubs: I wish I owned a pair of your blue shades where we are always on the verge of 15-0 runs and 80-yard TD drives. But, alas, I am not the optimist that you are, and I bailed on our boys immediately after Patterson went down. That was foolish, and I was wrong. Still, if Patterson misses any time, we will feel it.

To Perry: I'm sorry, but I hate looking at your dopey face. I can't help it. I wish I liked you, but I never will. Still, you were serviceable and didn't screw up too much. But, you deserved to get stepped on after that retarded foul on Parsons shooting a three.

To Miss Edwards: I hate having to apologize for our retarded coach, but do you guys remember third grade? If you had a crush on a girl, you would constantly make fun of her, throw shit at her during lunch, and just be an all-around pain in the ass because you had no other way of making yourself relevant in her life. That's about my only theory here. Billy is a third-grader. And he looked like shit in that interview. Christ, get him into make-up.

To Jimmy Dykes: I'm sorry that I ever thought you were a good color man. The UT game had us all fooled. We were displacing some of the joy of that game onto you. You are truly terrible. When you said that it didn't matter if the Hodge incident was intentional or not is where you lost me. How the fuck is it about anything other than intent? And, your buzzwords and phrases are annoying. There's no such thing as a "good" turnover.

To Ramon Harris: I'm sorry that you play. That lay-up you attempted that hit the top of the backboard was beyond explanation.

To Michael Porter: I'm sorry that people boo you. You stepped up big time, fella. Somehow, Porter doesn't get Tommy's blanket optimism like the rest.

To Harrellson: I'm sorry our defense is designed around you covering Calathes 40 feet from the basket. You put forth a yeoman's effort.

To Galloway: I'm sorry our coach is an idiot and you haven't taken every single one of Harris' minutes this season.

To Train: I'm sorry, but I whole-heartedly disagree with your Meeks / Sosa analogy. When Meeks took the three, every UK fan thought, "Thank God." When Sosa shot, every UL fan thought, "Shit."

And some unrelated to UK b-ball:

To Seanemac: I'm sorry that my Ipod always has the artist you want and none of the songs that they are most known for. I am working hard on this, so that when you choose Bruce Hornsby, "The Way It Is" will be an option.

To Dean Wormer: On a related note, I'm sorry for calling you frequently, saying, "What's the one Beastie Boys song that starts, "This is the first song off our new album..." or "What's that Clapton song with the guitar solo?" You are the guru.

To Higdon: I'm sorry about your favorite college football squadron. At least you got tailgating.

To Gene: I'm sorry that all your truly funny, insightful posts are relegated to this blog, where only ten people read them.

Well, that's about everybody that reads this. If I missed anybody, tell me what grinds your gears, and I'll hit you up with some sort of condolences.

Oh yeah, to Calathes, I'm sorry the ref called that terrible foul with .6 seconds left that forced you to become the goat for your pathetic team. You deserved better.