In honor of the opening of the always exciting Derby Future Book (Feb. 12-15), I've decided to give all you guys (all four of you) a glimpse at the list of 100 horses that Jennie Rees from the Courier has listed as potential Derby starters (click on this article title for the link).
Now, since you all probably have jobs that don't involve vocab quizzes and seatwork on Fridays, I have found the horse that each of you should pick for this opening weekend. Here goes:
Jed: Brother Keith...this guy is a looooong shot, but since I have a fine brother-in-law named Keith who likes to drink an ass-load of beer and is a huge (no pun) Cubs fan, why not?
Evan: Shafted...in reference to the treatment he receives from M. Jones.
Beisner: I Want Revenge...much like Evan's, but Beisner's tale goes a bit deeper. Once shunned by the Jonesmeister, he is now taking over his blog, as evidenced by his 2008 BOY crown. Suck on that one, MJ!
Sean: Theregoesjojo...anyone with a '92 diploma from SSM (I'm looking at you, Jackey) knows the origin of this one. If not, Sean had a poodle named Jojo, and you DID NOT talk shit about it...ever. Definitely a sentimental story if this one makes it to the gate.
Eddie: Danger to Society...yeah, I know, I thought Square Eddie was a lock, but then I saw this one.
Eddie Noe: Square Eddie...whatta douche.
Higdon: Take the Points...have you ever watched this guy get robbed by a late fumble return or missed PAT? It's painful.
Tommy: Mr. Fantasy...this one needs no explanation from me.
Tommy's Mom: More than Willing...nor this one.
Josh: Giant Oak...if you have ever played basketball against this guy, you know what I'm talking about. You want tough, Clyde, this guys eats bitches like Perry Stevenson for lunch.
A-Train: Sky Diva...the airport planner with his Dancing Queen alter ego would give Jekyll and Hyde a run for its money.
George: Hold Me Back...Emerson Derby Party 2002. Holy shit.
Toots: Tone It Down...the collective thought of Section 227, Rows 33-37 at Commonwealth Stadium when she gets rollin' with her, "Why didn't he turn around?" and "Not this play again!"
Worm (Dean Wormer): Desert Party...the very reason why Ramser will be arrested if he ever steps foot in Utah again.
Mavis: Captain Cherokee...we all thought Sean was in charge of that nerd lair. We were wrong. Dead fucking wrong.
Casey: Soul Warrior...he lucked out with this one. If it wasn't for his undying devotion to Chuck Hayes, he'd be wearin' Danger to Society.
Cotty: Atomic Rain...just like Josh, have you ever played b-ball against him? Brockman tries, and it's funny.
Brockman: Copper Cascade...dude's got red hair.
Our Wives/Girlfriends/Fiances: Big Drama...'cause their chicks.
So, there you go. If I forgot you, I am truly sorry! Remember, these all won't be eligible in the first pool, but show a little patience, and ya never know.
Oh yeah, I also got one for Billy G and the Cats...Notonthesamepage.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
A their-there-they're mistake? Way to go, ass-clown.
Yeah, I'm famous! I'm a part of a webolog. I am always willing to be sickly portrayed by Tommy's creepy friend Jed (Is he the one with the nose?) as someone who is willing.
Glad I could help,
Debbie Brown
No, I meant chicks that belonged to them. Who "them" is, I have no idea.
Are all these horses real? Nobody will ever take the time to check these.
Post a Comment