Making Fun of Professionals

I'm pretty sure this is the best way to get work in the industry. I'm again going to make fun of a successful, well-known columnist. Still, he says some stupid shit.

Michael Rosenberg is a columnist for Fox Sports and the Detroit Free-Press. If the words he writes are any indication, he is an asshat:

Tourney's greatness makes regular season suffer

This is going to be too easy.

Pittsburgh is about to play Connecticut in a matchup of top-five teams. North Carolina just beat Duke at Cameron Indoor Stadium in another matchup of national-title contenders.

Are you watching? I suspect most of us are not.

First of all, and this isn't entirely your fault, but "matchup" isn't a word. That's OK, because you say something way stupider in your first 2 sentences. In short, yes, I'm watching. A lot of people watched UNC/Duke. Something like 3.3 million of them. I know, because I looked it up. It wasn't hard.

Is that good? Well, it was the second most-watched show in the 18-49 demographic that night. I'd say the NCAA isn't too upset. Still, even if the numbers differ from college football, there's good reason: football is on Saturdays. Plus, you only see your team once a week.

And come fall, so many of us will scream and whine and shake our heads at the Bowl Championship Series and demand a big fat college football playoff.

Now, I ask again: Are you watching?

You know, he's right! We should all...wait, what? Am I watching what?

A month from now, college basketball will present us with the best postseason in American sports. In the meantime, we have to talk ourselves into thinking that when two of the best teams in the country face each other, it's a big game. The weirdest part of college basketball is that late in the regular season, the biggest games are the ones between two pretty good teams, not two great ones. Those are the games in which NCAA tournament bids are on the line.

Um, OK. I'm kind of catching your stupid drift. However, still, teams play for seeding and pride and shit. Beyond that, you're nullifying your own point: at the end of college football's regular season, fans you are describing only give a shit about five or six teams. In CBB, since the lesser squads have more to play for, the games are more interesting. Hence, Championship Week, which is awesome, despite the fact shitty teams are playing.

Also, I'm not sure I understand. Are college basketball attendance numbers down or something? It seems unprofessional to make such an attack based on assumptions.

Hey, that's a deal college basketball accepted long ago. The sport sacrifices four months of intrigue for three weeks of delightful insanity.

I guess it's kind of like me, sacrificing 4 minutes of zero intrigue in you overly-contrarian article for 3 seconds of delight when I print it out and take a dump on it.

But there is a lesson here for college football fans and more importantly, for the people who run the BCS. The BCS is horribly flawed, we all know that. It claims to be something it is not. BCS logic dictates that if you label one team No. 1 and another No. 2, and put them together on the field, you have yourself a national championship game no matter how you come up with those labels.

Well this is off topic. But yes, the BCS is horribly flawed.

And yet, if you replace the BCS, you have to be very, very careful. College football still has the best regular season in all of sports. If USC played Notre Dame in late November, and both teams were ranked in the top five, but you knew that no matter who won, they would both end up in a playoff, what would you have?

An awesome regular season game. And apparently, you haven't watched college football since 1991. Notre Dame sucks now, pal.

Some people, and this may sound crazy, like sports. That is to say, some people, again, I know how crazy this sounds, like to watch football and basketball. It's a reason to get drunk with your friends and yell at a TV. It's awesome. Tell me, with a straight face, that if someone said, "hey, turn this crappy UConn/Pitt game off. I mean, who cares until March, right?" you wouldn't kick them where their balls should be. Your argument is like someone saying, "what are you doing, watching a movie? Why? This will have no effect on the British Open champion, you know."

Basically, your life isn't a fucking BW3's commercial. Sometimes games aren't of utmost importance. Still, watching UNC/Duke in February is still exciting for those of us not completely burnt-out on sports. But hey, that's the deal you accepted a long time ago when you became a sports reporter.

Duke-North Carolina, that's what. There are those that argue Duke-North Carolina is the best rivalry in sports. I love Duke-Carolina, but come on: How can it be the best rivalry in sports?

You watch too much ESPN. Go on.

When was the last time Duke knocked Carolina out of the national title hunt, like Florida and Florida State have done on a regular basis? How can UNC-Duke be the best rivalry when bragging rights are often split in a given year? I don't know what the state of Alabama would do if Auburn and 'Bama each beat each other in football one year. Probably just shut down and spend a year in collective therapy.

By your logic, about three games would matter a year. The SEC Football Championship, the Big 12 Championship, and USC v. some shit-ass team out west. I hate to belabor the same point, but some people like sports. And watching others compete. Because college athletes are good. And dunks are cool.

I like college basketball. But I don't truly love it until March, when the best teams play with genuine tension in the building. And since everybody complains about college football's postseason, maybe we ought to realize there is a tradeoff here. College hoops is on the other side of the coin.

First of all, define "not genuine tension." I would say that there was genuine tension in the UK/Florida game, and probably 20 others since conference play began.

And there is no going back. Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim actually wants to expand the tourney. Boeheim has been on that kick for several years and seems to think a 128-team field would be just great. I understand why Boeheim feels that way -- his team would be a lock to make the tournament every year, and a 128-team field might save some coaches' jobs.

A 128-team field is stupid. Good call.

Hey, coach. While we're at it, why keep score in the regular season at all? Just let the kids play for the thrill of it and see if they can still get a TV deal.

Oh, haha, you're just being humorous. LOL.

You know, you have a really terrible argument here. Do you know what makes it worse? I'll tell you: lack of research, lack of cohesive argument, and lack of solution to the "problem." Seriously, do you want a 12 game college basketball season?

I assume this was rapidly thrown together as the typical, "hey, that Rosenberg sure takes some crazy stances" article.