Was Dick Vitale crying not the most hilarious shit you've ever seen?

Yikes.

The game last night was shitty throughout, but the late heroics of Super Nintendo Chalmers made it all worth it. Man, I'm so glad he finally did something awesome.

Why is it when I heard the word 'school' and the word 'exploded,' I immediately thought of the word 'SKINNER'?

Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

Luckily, for Sherron Collins, his wild and misguided heaves at the basket didn't doom the Jayhawks, as Memphis missed a ton of free throws down the stretch. All year people had talked about Memphis' free throw woes, and the last game of the season it burns them. Joey Dorsey's percentage was in the 30's. I could bounce free throws more accurately.

The Cubs are like 7 games in, and they have already infuriated me. It used to be the bullpen's inability to get outs; now, it's our inability to move runners. If I have to watch Soriano come up, in the lead-off spot, and twirl that stupid fucking telephone pole of a bat aimlessly for three straight pitches, I might snap. Seriously, is he Paul Bunyan? Is it an optical illusion? Is he really tiny or something?

Is there any question that the only player who appears able to hit major league pitching is Fukudome? Can we bump him to 2nd, after Theriot?

Derrek Lee's been rocking the ball lately, and Ramirez has been rocking the shit. Shows how much I know. Perhaps the wrist injury last year did have an affect on his season.