Cubs 2008 Preview: zoinks, yo

I can't find an accurate line-up projection for this year's Cubs, but I have a decent guess. I'm in the mind of Piniella, if only I could be in his pants. Whoops...

1. Ryan Theriot, SS
I know for a fact that Soriano will no longer be rockin' solo bombs, as Theriot has been moved to the top. Apparently, Lou finally realized that run production is fairly important, and batting your best HR and RBI guy leadoff is ludicrous. Almost as bad as, say, batting Adam Dunn leadoff. Oh, how I long for the days of Dave Miley...or was it Narron? Either way, Theriot at the top is the way to go.

2. Alfonso Soriano, LF
I guess this isn't as bad as batting him leadoff, but can we just bump him down to 3rd? Throw Pie or DeRosa up here, it doesn't matter. Soriano will get his at-bats; no need to bat him second.

3. Derrek Lee, 1B
You know what you want in your three hole? A guy that completely whiffs on fastballs. How many times did he come up with runners in scoring position and whiff? He can hit, but I think he'd be better in the five. However, he batted .317 last season, but I believe my theory of him only getting hits in meaningless at-bats to be accurate.

4. Aramis Ramirez, 3B
Easily, the best hitter on the team. If he would lose his little attitude and play an entire season, he could be an NL MVP candidate. He's clutch, and he doesn't strike out often. He is the antithesis of Lee; of everyone on the team, he's who I would want batting in crunch time.

5. Kusoke Fukudome, RF
I guess I could do what everyone else is doing and make up shit about this guy, because really, we know nothing about him. Is he the next Ichiro? Kaz Matsui? Shinjo? I'll just say he has blazing speed, a rocket for an arm, incredible power, and anal warts. Hey, who knows?

6. Mark DeRosa, 2B
It gets a little choppy through here. DeRosa showed flashes of mediocrity last season, hopefully after his near-death experience he can build on that. He had a blog about the playoffs last year, and he took that whiff against the D-Backs pretty hard. Do you think Piniella pulled a Pitino and made him watch it on loop, ala Edgar Sosa?

7. Felix Pie, CF
He's fast. Unfortunately, contact is not a strength of his. If he's not careful, Reed Johnson will be our everyday CF. Yikes. At least it won't be Murton, who has been booted to Iowa.

8. Geovany Soto
Uh, putting all our eggs in one basket, I suppose. This guy better pan-out, because all we have other than him is Blanco.

Our staff is pretty solid (nice!), especially now that Lieber is there to get us out on get-away day in 2 hours flat. As long as Lilly doesn't turn into, well, Ted Lilly, we should be OK. Marquis sucks.

How 'bout dem Cay-ards, eh? Tomorrow's game shall be a classic. Maybe I'll get a Reds preview before long...They suck.