Just What Everyone Wanted: Another Ass Hole Spewing About The NFL

Since Evan has been busy with other things and not blogging here regularly, he agreed to allow me to give my takes and be his NFL Correspondent- I'd like to thank him for that. I'd also like to thank "Hoosier Gamecock" for his nice piece to set me up, although I think it was inadvertent (yep, I said I'd like to thank him for his nice piece, and I'll stand by that.)
So, allow me first to introduce myself: I am the Armchair Long Snapper and I will be posting about The NFL, and only The NFL. No world events, no baseball or basketball, not even college football, just The NFL. And like some blog sites (although not really this one) I will have a format so that my loyal readers know when to check back for their favorite Armchair Long Snapper piece. I'll do my best while writing this to keep it light and not get all up my own ass.
Thursday- you can read my fantasy takes (both review and preview). I am aware that no one in the world likes reading about how close someones fantasy team came to winning this past week, so I'll keep it generalized. But know that in the past 4 years I have won about $3600 in fantasy football money, which makes me awesome.
Saturday- you will get my picks for the upcoming weekend.
Tuesday- I'll review the previous week's action.

In the meantime I'll be posting a team by team preview everyday- they won't be about camp battles and shit that we've all read 1,000 times this month already, I'll try to keep it interesting. So, starting alphabetically, we begin with:

Arizona Cardinals

The Good: You knew it wouldn't take Ken Whisenhunt long to get things going in the right direction. This team has some nice talent. Anquan Boldin and Larry Fitzgerald form probably the most formidable receiver tandem west of Indianapolis, and though they lost the talented but oft-injured Bryant Johnson, they replaced him in the draft with Early Doucet. Furthermore, they bolstered their line prior to last season and discovered that running the ball occasionally is an acceptable substitute to flinging it all over the field. On defense Antrel Rolle and Adrian Wilson roaming the secondary should setup plenty of short fields for the offense. Plus, the NFC West is pretty wide-open, and getting to play San Fran and the Rams twice should help their chances.

The Bad: Rumor has it Edgerrin James traded in that gold grill for a nice set of dentures. 300+ carries in each of the last 5 seasons has aged him beyond his years. Should he get hurt? Don't ask. Marcel Shipp and J.J. Arrington are. . .they are. . .well, they're shitty. Seriously. Also, yeah their secondary is pretty tough, but there are huge question marks on the D-line and at linebacker, which makes the entire defense fairly suspect overall.

And The Fairly Douchy: Matt Leinart. Listen, I have no problem with this guy slaying every bit of pussy in the Pacific Time Zone. Who wouldn't be doing that? But this clown needs to chillax on the celebrity shit until he's actually accomplished something. . .anything. Yeah I know, he won a Heisman and a National Championship, but I'm talking about the pros here, and he's been a shitty pro to date. When you're supposed to be rehabbing your injured knee and your backup is playing better than you ever have, the only hot tub you need to be in is in the training room and if you can convince the trainers to bring you a beer bong and a couple of skanks in there, well more power to you- that would probably silence the bitching. Think of NFL fame as the Burger King Steakhouse Burger: Tom Brady has discovered a planet and therefore can eat the burger, Leinart. . .helped.

2008 Outlook: This team just reeks of mediocrity, and outside of the aforementioned weak division they reside in, their schedule is pretty damn tough, featuring both of last year's Super Bowl teams as well as the Cowboys.
Record: 7-9
Division: 2nd
Playoffs: Nope

Sorry it was so long, but I hope it was a somewhat enjoyable read. Tomorrow: Atlanta.