Michael Porter=Will Scott, You Clueless Fuck

I don't know how to properly channel my frustration, so this should be interesting.

Michael Porter: I like the guy. I think he plays hard and can do some things well. And I want to be completely clear in saying that I blame him for nothing. He does his best, and he's a solid player.

Apparently, Billy Gillispie fucking hates him. (Hi-yo! Plaschke-esque misdirection, bitches!) Why is he put in a position of failure every game? Is it stubbornness? Sheer stupidity? Seriously, someone tell me. What could possibly be occurring in these practices? On what fucking galaxy is Porter a better point guard option than DeAndre Liggins? Wait, easier question: Why is Porter playing point guard, ever? That is not his position.

Michael Porter is a spot up shooter. His job is to enter games, run off screens, and basically occupy a defender. He doesn't even need to score; he just needs to spell Meeks and Miller for 6-8 minutes a game. He should never, and I can't stress this enough, guard Jack motherfuckin' McClinton man-to-man. Ever.

Listen, Billy. I don't give a shit how gritty you are, a slow white guy cannot guard a quick guard. It's humanly impossible. And Porter busts his ass. He does. Everyone on the team does. UK is a lot of crappy things this year, they are not quitters. You succeeded, in that regard. They're tough. Now, teach them how to incorporate Patrick Patterson into an offense. That shouldn't be difficult.

We've been firmly mediocre the last few years. However, I've never been more frustrated watching a team than I am this year. And Liggins is not impervious in this realm. He does some stupid shit. He's a freshman; he'll learn. But when guys are lost on both ends of the floor (or out of position, altogether), that's on you.

Short version: Why are shooters open so much? And, can you teach Stevenson to not be such a gash?

I don't want to sound melodramatic, but you're doing your team a disservice. You know, the guys who got up at 6 all summer for boot camp. The guys who would run through a fucking wall for you. And I know you love your players. Shit, you cry all the damn time about them. Then why are you doing this to them?

I want to say you're the man for this job, Billy. I really, really, really want to. I want to look at the box score of today's game and say, "Aw shucks, we're coming along, at least!" I can't. We should have won this game. Miami is an OK team. We cannot continue spotting teams 8-10 point leads in the first 5 minutes of play.

Look, I guess my point is simple: starting Porter is batshit crazy. Call me a man of low-integrity, but Liggins could shit in my cereal and I'd start him over Porter. He gets a free pass.

I don't have to tell you that, though, do I?