John Wall(ace) - I think we have a name for jr.

I had baby showers all weekend while the Hilbert boys watched UK win the SEC tourney in person....pretty much a push.

No Way, This Chick Is Hot

Nah, I'm just kidding, she is pretty ugly. I also watched many episodes (I know, gayyyyy), and there were, literally, 15 chicks WAY hotter than she was. Plus, her family lives in a trailer in Florida, and they act as such.

Also, Tommy, I do not appreciate the 'horse' reference. Poor Becky.

My balls got lopped clean off

Hopefully none of you watch the bachelor. Unfortunately I did and I have a problem with the douche that got to be on the show this season. He picked a cross-eyed skank that looks like a horse. Awash in a sea of hot poon, he picked a chick that would be considered ugly at Centre and more horselike than Rebecca Lobo.

This Is Awesome

Keith Brooking and Vanilla Sky

Those two things are unrelated, save that I saw them both yesterday.

1. After rewatching the highlights on Sportscenter, I somewhat agree with Brooking taking exception to the 'old gunslinger' or Childress. Now, he could have just saved it for the press conference, but he decided to let the Vikings bench hear about it. The situation is pretty black and white to me. The Vikings were on the 18 yard line. There were less than two minutes left. It was 4th down. Why wouldn't you kick the field goal? You have a 24-point lead; it's bullshit that you're trying to put another touchdown up. And, I get the 'If you don't like it, stop them', but that comes from people that don't have their season ending right before their eyes. It's bush league that they didn't kick a field goal. And, I hate Brett Favre.

2. If you want to make your brain angry, watch Vanilla Sky. Jeez, what a mind fuck. And I know this is like the Gaffigan bit, 'But I want to talk about Heat NOW!', but I watched it last night, and that was one helluva movie. The key to a good movie is that you feel genuine hate and love for certain actors/actresses. Cameron Diaz is a psycho bitch in my eyes forever more. I could watch Something about Mary 20 times and that will never change. And Penelope Cruz is a fucking angel. Good God, what I would do to her. If you haven't seen it, watch it. It's old and long, like my wang 30 years from now, but it is worth the watch.

So, I have a confession to make...

I think this song is the tits.

Bash away.

Insult, Meet Injury

Found this on UK's Athletic Web Site:

Big Cuz, gettin' it done.

All I am going to say is this, don't act so surprised about his actions when the plan of attack for UL was to try and 'get in his head.'

Fuck with the bull, and you get the horns.

Happy New Year (This Video Kicks Ass)

(The 2:54 mark is tough on the Big Blue faithful)

Fitting tribute because the song they chose is arguably "Song of the Decade." And whoever at ESPN synched the plays with the lyrics deserves a raise. Spot-fucking-on.

What is a Travis Pastrana and Why is it on my TV?

When you view the scrolling bar on the left of the screen and see the words "Travis Pastrana" preceding Da'Sean Butler's game-winner, you have an expectation. That expectation is that Travis Pastrana is dead.

Not so!

No, not dead. He's just going to do some crazy jump after he gets all totally amped on Red Bull--which is wicked gnarly.

Also--and this is unrelated--when that announcer yells, "LeBron James, with no regard for human life!" after that dunk a few years ago, yeah, that doesn't make sense. It would have made sense had LeBron, you know, heedlessly killed someone. Someone like Travis Pastrana.

A Welcomed Return - No TMZ Tiger?

Great job so far, but you've missed the boat on the whole Tiger development. I know it's been ground-down into pulp at this point, but does that mean you can idlily skip past the significance?
Tiger - from here on out I'll refer to him as ETW (Eldrick Tont Woods) as the common name in repetition just seems absurd (a la Chipper) - has been the most reserved sports hero in the last decade. The consummate professional, which media types fall all over themselves for wonderous quotes like, "I didn't bring my A game," or "I just didn't put it in when I had to."
Now the second quote is made up, and given the stories so far, he has "put it in" when it comes to VIP bottle-service girls and the assorted alike repeatedly and with a stern conviction. Today, these women are falling out of the woodwork like fucking roaches. But here's where the conversation falls off.
You are one of the highest paid professional athletes of all-time, you have constant exposure, but you hide yourself from the world. Behind the fascade of perfection, the measure of absolute appreciation, it lacks the real world connection, i.e. the fact that we all fuck-up - and we do it all, a lot! Yet, he has never transgressed to the world at large. His only exposure to true emotion is still tied to his profession - his father's passing. And while tragic, it still breeds lore to his professional dedication.
Here now is ETW, that never seemed to faulter, never seemed to fail, suddenly thrust into a limelight that reeks of frailty and common human error. Was his experience so different because he was married to a supermodel au pair? I guess when your worth $2.5 billion somethings will slide, but he is no different. And this is what the world jumps on, eats it like the fuckin' sweetest peep you've had. [Peeps are awful, but when you've never had a sweet treat before it is like you've died and gone to sugar heaven.] Only the dollar signs say otherwise. But this is in such dark contrast to the world he inhabited before. A world cloaked in separation from his and ours. A world, that with his missplaced sentax or varied verbiage becomes a piriah, or even more without communication, is caste even lower still.
In this short treatise I hope only to garner, not sympathy, but understanding that when all seems rotten in Denmark it usually is and always has been. I've lived in many places, but rotten is a place we can all call home at different times. ETW is as he always has been, but never seen. Let's absorb the comparison for as long as it lasts, for the peeps will never taste as sweet again...He is us and we are him.

In Memoriam

Well, Adrian Peterson just ran into the end zone, and all over my heart, and Cousin Brad's squad took home the first St. Xavier Faculty Fantasy trophy. And, in a sad way (both morose and pitiful), I'm gonna miss watching my guys every Sunday. So, since this is now my blog, I wanted to say a couple of things about all my guys:

Tony Romo: You are the best player on the Cowboys. Even when your team was losing, you were kicking ass. Only Peyton Manning has been playing better than you in the past four games, yet everyone hates you because you play for the Cowboys. Well, I don't; you rock.



Andre Johnson: You are the only player in 08-09 to have back-to-back 1,500 yard receiving seasons. You are a freak of nature, and it was an honor having you as my #1 pick.



Steve Smith: I chose you with my last pick because I remembered that you were good with USC, and then you started doing all this shit for the Giants, and I looked like a freaking genius. Thanks.



Frank Gore: Your coach is an idiot, Frank, and he thought he could win a lot of games letting Alex Smith go all Utah-spread offense. You were sorely misused, and you still produced. You scored the most points on the squad Championship Week (granted, against the Lions). You should have carried the ball 40 times a game. (PS: His highlight vid is to the tune "I'm on a Boat"...classic.)



Ray Rice: I traded Wes Fucking Welker for you, and you made me look like a genius. I loved when you ruined UL's season, and you continue to amaze me. Keep choppin'.



Dallas Clark: You are fucking awesome. No tight end (yes, Gene, even Celek) is even fucking close. Plus, you're from Iowa, and anyone who can thrive from that type of habitat (save, my wife) deserves props.



Ravens Defense: For some reason, you guys were available in my league, and I have no idea why, but you guys are awesome, and if I had to pick a favorite NFL team, you guys would be it. Or the Cowboys.



Finally, thanks to Steve Slaton for being the biggest pussy in the world. I hate you.

'What in the wide world was that?'

I don't know, Tirico. I don't know.



I'm no coach, but:

1. How do you expect your punter, your PUNTER, to stand in on a rush that has three men against one, ONE, blocker?

2. Who in the hell was that pass to?

3. Why even send the kicker, the KICKER, in motion on that play?

I mean, how fucking excited were the three guys rushing the punter knowing that no one was going to block them? I'm guessing very excited. You dream of shit like that.

And Hunter Smith had to be lobbying against this steaming pile of shit-for-a-play. They actually lined up for this TWICE. The Giants gave them a chance to rethink it. But, noooooooooooooo, the Redskins wouldn't hear of it.

Oregon St. sucks Beaver dick, BTW.

Deadspin Does All My Work

Every time I want to describe a situation (like the pathetic tirade that was Brett Favre losing), Deaspin does it soooooo much better.

So, here it is:

http://deadspin.com/5431432/favre-is-like-a-kid-arguing-with-his-parents-at-toys+r+us-out-there

Brittnay Murphy Died

With all due respect, what the fuck is going on around here? She was my age!

We're BACK, Bitches!

So, I went to Radio Shack on Poplar Level on Friday to get a new cord for our laptop. Holy shit...expensive. So, this salesman gets me what I need, I leave, and the fucking bit on the end doesn't fit (TWSS). I go back, and as I pull up, the same salesman is outside, apparently about to smoke a Red.

So, I get out of my car, and he starts talking to me. So, I put the laptop on the hood of my car, and listen to him start talking about computers or some shit.

As he blathers on, some black dude pulls up in a Grand Cherokee looking for Bob's restaurant...he never found it. Well, that started this salesman on quite a torrent of Bischoffian tales.

REMEMBER: I just want to get a new tip for this wire.

He lights first cigarette and tells me:

1. He has set three world records for decibels broken in a car stereo system.
2. He has made three people vomit when listening to this system (that's good?)
3. He has broken three windshields with this super awesome system
4. Everyone in ST. FUCKING LOUIS knew who he was, his car being so sweet

He then finishes the ass end of his seemingly giant cigarette, I pick up my laptop, and he proceeds to get out a second fucking cigarette. And then it got weird.

1. He took four AK-47 bullets while in Iraq. Most humans do not survive one, mind you.
2. He is a second-degree black belt in karate
3. He has produced albums for Paul Wall
4. He beat up numerous black kids in his East St Louis high school because they messed with a white kid. But, he was never arrested because when the cops heard the story, they TOTALLY sided with him, right?
5. His cousin who has been in jail five times screwed him over last week (didn't get the deets on that one)
6. He is already the top-selling Radio Shack employee in the region (Southeast, Ohio Valley, Louisville, Eastern Parkway, no one knows)
7. He just cheated on his ex, because she sent him a bullshit text about hanging out with HER ex and wanting to take THEIR child to the movies. Drama.

When we got back inside, they didn't have the part I needed. Mother FUCK.