The scene: 16 minutes left, first half of the UNC/Duke game. Scheyer had just attempted to take a charge (big surprise) against Deon Thompson. There was no call, and Dukies were sprawled everywhere. Hansbrough picked the ball up and Texas ping-ponged it through.
That ain't the story (though watching play stop to attend to a writhing, uninjured Scheyer was sickening). As ESPN cut for break, you could see K giving the refs the business, as per usual. When the telecast returned, they replayed K in the ref's ear, and they also showed Roy Williams barking at his team in the huddle.
Vitale (I'm paraphrasing): "Two super-competitive coaches, though their philosophies may differ."
That is to say, one teaches where one bitches. Vitale then went on to rave about K being a HOF-er because "he competes for the now, and doesn't care about past accomplishments."
Obviously a subtle jab at the rest of the HOF coaches, who, after inducted, sit naked in a small room and list their achievements.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
some old bullshit
Apparently the Cubs are among a handful of teams interested in signing Kris Benson. I am gonna rephrase that to say that the Cubs are among a number of teams with some interest in signing Kris Benson. Really? Something here is fishy. Can't you just see Jim Hendry pulling "Kris's" mask off a few days into Spring Training, only to have Mark Prior (who was under the mask the whole time) say ruefully, "And I could have gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you snooping kids (talking to Ascaino and Samardzija)...-hey by the way, did u guys know he actualluy played FOOTBALL...at Notre Dame??? How did we not know that? That's a really high profile program still, right?
Anyway, Kris Benson? Wow. I heard that Tommy John just had surgery, so maybe he's available.
Anyway, Kris Benson? Wow. I heard that Tommy John just had surgery, so maybe he's available.
super doucher
Ya gotta check out "Kissing Suzy Kolber" today...great piece on Ben Roethlisberger bein smart. Or Maybe it's an extended joke about people whose brains have been turned to mush by repeated concussions. Either way, it's funny to me because Ben Roethlisberger is a mouth -breather who seems to speak only in coachspeak and football cliche's. Also, if any of you laugh at this, you are racist against people with brain damage resulting from concussions. Shame on you. But I can get away with it, like Train and Sean with their famously self-deprecating anti-Lebaneese jokes
I Guess Calathes Just Wasn't Tough Enough
You get an up close and personal view of Galloway's foul in this one. And yeah, what's he doing swatting? Calathes threw his arms out, but that's a really bad play.
Also, Forde has a solid column about the game, even saying that Rupp's never been louder. He also says that Patterson's day-to-day with a sprain.
Meeks explains the shot, saying that when he leapt, he cramped, then Calathes tipped the ball, so Meeks was forced to hoist it from his shoulder. So, yeah, probably lucky.
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Basically, Just Me Bitching In Real-Time
The best way to describe this UK team is through the power of metaphor: these Cats are like a teenager. One day, the teenage son, of whom you're so proud, gets caught taking bong rips and listening to Zappa with that fucking kid that always looked like trouble to you. Now, you don't love the little shit less, you just can't look at him the same. Maybe in a few years, when he proves that he's not a douche bag. But not now...not as long as he hangs out with that creep.
You can guess who the "creep" is in that scenario. OK, I'll give it away. It's Sean.
Hey, if you're on-board with this damn thing, let's get some comments going! It's much easier that way. (I'll delete this request when the game ends and there are like three comments, and one from that spammer who offered me a scooter.)
I don't think we're going to win, and my incessant bitching will be public. Still, Calathes will have a field day if Porter is matched up against him. So, in the words of Principal Skinner: "Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong."
***
You know, I've always seen games in the Big 10 with a final score of 50-47, I guess I've just never thought about the actual execution of such a game. This MSU/Michigan is god-awful.
If you need help killing time before the Cats, watch this. Sure, the body of work in that game is amazing. Raucous crowd, stifling D, Matt Walsh and Roberson shitting themselves; but watch some of the plays. See Hawkins locate Estill well-positioned on the intermediate break. Watch our defense switch, help, and pressure the ball relentlessly. Watch us hit fucking shots.
Thank goodness that shit-show is over. Oh god, our game's about to start. See you at the under 16!
Sorry, me again. Hubert says we have a chance!
6-4, 15:24 1st half
OK, we've learned some things: Stevenson can't pass, Stevenson can rebound (all of a sudden), Harris is awful. Oh, and Meeks is good. And if I have to tell Steph who #5 is one more time...
We look OK. A little lost on offense, but fine. Bick's boy needs to get his shit together under the basket. He can't be missing jump hooks from that close. Especially since we rarely get the ball to him down low.
12-6 Gators, 11:08
The turnovers never cease being frustrating. How are we still this shaky with the ball in February?
Porter just went to the basket parallel to the ground, backwards, and got a block call. No matter, as he bricks two free throws.
Calathes is very good. And if we don't figure out how to a) hang on to the ball, b) stop the ball after we turn it over, and c) fucking score, this will be a blowout.
News flash: Ramon Harris and Michael Porter shouldn't play. This is fixin' to get ugly. Or even fugly.
22-18 Cats, 5:29
Ooh, Dykes in the tracksuit. Me likey.
That's a good play off a timeout! "Hey, inbounder, just chuck it in. No one defends these. Go!"
Fuck it, I'll take some banked threes at this point. And a Stevenson J. We're back!
Well, nevermind. Calathes is tough...and 4 inches taller than Porter...who can shoot! This is turning into an actual basketball game!
You know, Porter made a bad pass. But could Stevenson be any slower to the ball? It's like every player has one quirk that creates turnovers, and together, their a well-oiled mistakery machine.
Meeks is having some shot selection issues and still no Liggins. Hell, would you pull Galloway and Porter at this point?
Speaking of non-scorers sticking it, Porter's wife is pregnant.
Hey, is it easier if I just post sentence by sentence? This feels disjointed still.
26-22 Cats, 3:10
That's a great shot late in the shot clock for Patterson. He has to score there. And Galloway is awesome. Whoops., spoke too soon. Still, he's going to have "growing pains" because he never fucking plays.
Memo to Cat fans in Rupp: pump fakes are legal. Other than that, I love the zeal.
Question: was our press break just now Porter and Stevenson against four? That won't work.
30-30 at half
And 14 turnovers later, Liggins is in. I tell ya, Bick couldn't have been more wrong about Patterson thus far.
That rebound by Galloway on the baseline that led to the Harrellson three was something that we haven't had this season. I am officially on the Galloway bandwagon.
Block on Calathes: awesome. Jodie being Jodie on the break: predictable, and not awesome. Not locating Calathes: pathetic and sad. Again, we take a lead, and let it slip away immediately.
Thank god for Calathes' relentless hustle and quick hands!
We are clanging some free throws. Jeez.
Well, that could have been shittier.
Oh wow, Jeannine's got some balls. And Gillispie is again a dick, and not answering the questions. "Take away his vision?" Like, blind him?
Wow, he's a total dick. And was stopping Calathes not a priority? He needs to learn how to first, speak, and second, speak to the media. It's not hard, and it's not bullshit questions. Just answer them.
Here, lemme teach ya:
Jeannine: Coach, Calathes is better and smarter than everyone on your team. Why can't your dipshit staff figure that out?
Gillispie: Well, dadgumit, he's a great player and he's gonna get his points. We need to find him and transition and keep him away from the basket in the half court. But, like I said, he's one of the best player's in this league. We just need to keep him under control.
That's embarrassing. He is only advancing the KY-is-a-bunch-of-backwards-assholes theory. What a sore fucking loser...even when he hasn't yet lost. Have some class, fuckhead.
As we all know, these first four minutes will tell the story. Don't worry if you forgot, Dykes will surely remind you. Patterson needs to get going, which means we need people who can get him the ball...like Liggins and Miller and Galloway. Yay Galloway!
38-35 Gators, 15:56
Well, Calathes begins the half wide open. Maybe Billy should listen to Jeannine and pay attention to him.
Oh no, Harris has three! What will we do??? Good god, Harris just let Calathes walk to the basket. He's out of fucking control...get him out. Why is he shooting so much?
Is Dykes referring to "when to whoa and when to go" right now?
Hey, Stevenson, that was awesome. Do that for the rest of the game. No, not that. As per usual, Stevenson reverses our fortune.
How is a tall, white guy a bad free throw shooter?
Wait, what the fuck is happening? Ahhh!!!...he did that shit...on accident...maybe...well, maybe not. He's tossed. Interesting...No, he did that on purpose. What a douche. Gotta love Porter, mixin' it up!
Ya know, Jeannine, it's not hard to see a 6'9'' human laying on the floor. He did it on purpose. He can act all benevolent after he realizes that he got caught. Fuck him. Let's get a mean on. (Editor's note: we won't get a mean on. We'll roll over like we usually do.)
50-47 Cats, 9:23
Well, Ramon is over-matched. And he's our "defensive stopper?"
Is Patterson hurt? He's playing awfully bad.
Seriously, what else needs to be seen? Start the guy over Harris. Well, that was a questionable pass.
Jesus, he's tough. I take it all back, Harris. He's beating everyone. And what the fuck is Dykes talking about "best game face?" That belongs to Bob Knight.
Meeks needs to learn how to take good shots. Like Porter, who's pure, all of a sudden. Or Calathes, I suppose.
Again, Galloway can play. I feel like I can talk all the shit I want, too, because I've been calling for him all season.
Thanks to Disney, I see that Calathes is owning Stevenson.
Porter just flailed a rebound to Patterson.
Whoa, we're winning. Meeks just flailed a lay-up to Patterson. This is bonkers!
54-52, 7:19
Patterson's hurt. Fuck.
Well, shit, let's show UF how tough we are, Billy. And I'm not patronizing you. I'm serious. This is where toughness actually matters.
You know what, dammit? Just fucking win.
Ew, we put them on the line awfully early.
Meeks can't hit shit. Wow, Harrellson's aggressive, that's for sure. And noodlin's for UL QB douche bag losers. Not Harrellson!
60-56 Gators, 3:19
Just tie it up tight, so you can't feel anything...
Look, guys, we can't keep putting Calathes on the line, especially when he's dribbling 30 feet from the basket. And, Perry, great board, but you don't have to shoot in the post.
I predict a Willis Reed-esque return for Patterson.
Whoa, what a bail-out. OK, guys, let's figure this shit out. Make your damn free throws.
We need to tighten up defensively and rebound. I know it's hard without Patterson, but we have to do something.
A Stevenson three is not what we needed there.
Guys, seriously, can we shade other defenders on him? He's dominating everyone.
We get it, Nick Calathes called you sir. Stop telling the story, please.
Too many damn passes. I find it nearly impossible to pull out a win here, men. I hope I'm wrong.
64-63 Gators, 1:17
My, the comments section is getting a little chippy.
Oh dear, we needed that, Jodie.
I hate to be that guy, but that was a cheap foul on Harrellson against Parsons.
A toughness battle, eh!
OK, time for the Meeks show.
Grrrrrrrr...again, cheap foul.
Jesus. Oh man, that 3 from Meeks looked good.
Well, it's pants-shittin' time. I like our line-up here.
65-65, 29 seconds
Jeez, Nessler. Calling Parsons' three a little quick.
Oh great, Jodie's hurt.
Pure fucking clutch. Meeks is awesome.
Ohhhh wow. A foul. Wow. OK. Wow. Just, really? A foul? That was a rugby scrum.
Well, Jodie takes this shot from anywhere.
12 seconds
Oh dear. someone other than Jodie may have to take the shot...
68-65 Cats win.
Holy fuck! Double holy fuck. Well, Christ.
Fuck you, game face. Love it. I love Calathes as a player, I really do. And he seems all class. But he's shitting the bed. Aw dammit, I kind of feel bad for the guy. Still, he wasn't fouled.
You know what, though, the ball never fucking lies.
As a post script, I'd like to say that Calathes' final miss was my favorite. Just a missile into the glass. We'll talk more tomorrow.
You can guess who the "creep" is in that scenario. OK, I'll give it away. It's Sean.
Hey, if you're on-board with this damn thing, let's get some comments going! It's much easier that way. (I'll delete this request when the game ends and there are like three comments, and one from that spammer who offered me a scooter.)
I don't think we're going to win, and my incessant bitching will be public. Still, Calathes will have a field day if Porter is matched up against him. So, in the words of Principal Skinner: "Prove me wrong, kids. Prove me wrong."
***
You know, I've always seen games in the Big 10 with a final score of 50-47, I guess I've just never thought about the actual execution of such a game. This MSU/Michigan is god-awful.
If you need help killing time before the Cats, watch this. Sure, the body of work in that game is amazing. Raucous crowd, stifling D, Matt Walsh and Roberson shitting themselves; but watch some of the plays. See Hawkins locate Estill well-positioned on the intermediate break. Watch our defense switch, help, and pressure the ball relentlessly. Watch us hit fucking shots.
Thank goodness that shit-show is over. Oh god, our game's about to start. See you at the under 16!
Sorry, me again. Hubert says we have a chance!
6-4, 15:24 1st half
OK, we've learned some things: Stevenson can't pass, Stevenson can rebound (all of a sudden), Harris is awful. Oh, and Meeks is good. And if I have to tell Steph who #5 is one more time...
We look OK. A little lost on offense, but fine. Bick's boy needs to get his shit together under the basket. He can't be missing jump hooks from that close. Especially since we rarely get the ball to him down low.
12-6 Gators, 11:08
The turnovers never cease being frustrating. How are we still this shaky with the ball in February?
Porter just went to the basket parallel to the ground, backwards, and got a block call. No matter, as he bricks two free throws.
Calathes is very good. And if we don't figure out how to a) hang on to the ball, b) stop the ball after we turn it over, and c) fucking score, this will be a blowout.
News flash: Ramon Harris and Michael Porter shouldn't play. This is fixin' to get ugly. Or even fugly.
22-18 Cats, 5:29
Ooh, Dykes in the tracksuit. Me likey.
That's a good play off a timeout! "Hey, inbounder, just chuck it in. No one defends these. Go!"
Fuck it, I'll take some banked threes at this point. And a Stevenson J. We're back!
Well, nevermind. Calathes is tough...and 4 inches taller than Porter...who can shoot! This is turning into an actual basketball game!
You know, Porter made a bad pass. But could Stevenson be any slower to the ball? It's like every player has one quirk that creates turnovers, and together, their a well-oiled mistakery machine.
Meeks is having some shot selection issues and still no Liggins. Hell, would you pull Galloway and Porter at this point?
Speaking of non-scorers sticking it, Porter's wife is pregnant.
Hey, is it easier if I just post sentence by sentence? This feels disjointed still.
26-22 Cats, 3:10
That's a great shot late in the shot clock for Patterson. He has to score there. And Galloway is awesome. Whoops., spoke too soon. Still, he's going to have "growing pains" because he never fucking plays.
Memo to Cat fans in Rupp: pump fakes are legal. Other than that, I love the zeal.
Question: was our press break just now Porter and Stevenson against four? That won't work.
30-30 at half
And 14 turnovers later, Liggins is in. I tell ya, Bick couldn't have been more wrong about Patterson thus far.
That rebound by Galloway on the baseline that led to the Harrellson three was something that we haven't had this season. I am officially on the Galloway bandwagon.
Block on Calathes: awesome. Jodie being Jodie on the break: predictable, and not awesome. Not locating Calathes: pathetic and sad. Again, we take a lead, and let it slip away immediately.
Thank god for Calathes' relentless hustle and quick hands!
We are clanging some free throws. Jeez.
Well, that could have been shittier.
Oh wow, Jeannine's got some balls. And Gillispie is again a dick, and not answering the questions. "Take away his vision?" Like, blind him?
Wow, he's a total dick. And was stopping Calathes not a priority? He needs to learn how to first, speak, and second, speak to the media. It's not hard, and it's not bullshit questions. Just answer them.
Here, lemme teach ya:
Jeannine: Coach, Calathes is better and smarter than everyone on your team. Why can't your dipshit staff figure that out?
Gillispie: Well, dadgumit, he's a great player and he's gonna get his points. We need to find him and transition and keep him away from the basket in the half court. But, like I said, he's one of the best player's in this league. We just need to keep him under control.
That's embarrassing. He is only advancing the KY-is-a-bunch-of-backwards-assholes theory. What a sore fucking loser...even when he hasn't yet lost. Have some class, fuckhead.
As we all know, these first four minutes will tell the story. Don't worry if you forgot, Dykes will surely remind you. Patterson needs to get going, which means we need people who can get him the ball...like Liggins and Miller and Galloway. Yay Galloway!
38-35 Gators, 15:56
Well, Calathes begins the half wide open. Maybe Billy should listen to Jeannine and pay attention to him.
Oh no, Harris has three! What will we do??? Good god, Harris just let Calathes walk to the basket. He's out of fucking control...get him out. Why is he shooting so much?
Is Dykes referring to "when to whoa and when to go" right now?
Hey, Stevenson, that was awesome. Do that for the rest of the game. No, not that. As per usual, Stevenson reverses our fortune.
How is a tall, white guy a bad free throw shooter?
Wait, what the fuck is happening? Ahhh!!!...he did that shit...on accident...maybe...well, maybe not. He's tossed. Interesting...No, he did that on purpose. What a douche. Gotta love Porter, mixin' it up!
Ya know, Jeannine, it's not hard to see a 6'9'' human laying on the floor. He did it on purpose. He can act all benevolent after he realizes that he got caught. Fuck him. Let's get a mean on. (Editor's note: we won't get a mean on. We'll roll over like we usually do.)
50-47 Cats, 9:23
Well, Ramon is over-matched. And he's our "defensive stopper?"
Is Patterson hurt? He's playing awfully bad.
Seriously, what else needs to be seen? Start the guy over Harris. Well, that was a questionable pass.
Jesus, he's tough. I take it all back, Harris. He's beating everyone. And what the fuck is Dykes talking about "best game face?" That belongs to Bob Knight.
Meeks needs to learn how to take good shots. Like Porter, who's pure, all of a sudden. Or Calathes, I suppose.
Again, Galloway can play. I feel like I can talk all the shit I want, too, because I've been calling for him all season.
Thanks to Disney, I see that Calathes is owning Stevenson.
Porter just flailed a rebound to Patterson.
Whoa, we're winning. Meeks just flailed a lay-up to Patterson. This is bonkers!
54-52, 7:19
Patterson's hurt. Fuck.
Well, shit, let's show UF how tough we are, Billy. And I'm not patronizing you. I'm serious. This is where toughness actually matters.
You know what, dammit? Just fucking win.
Ew, we put them on the line awfully early.
Meeks can't hit shit. Wow, Harrellson's aggressive, that's for sure. And noodlin's for UL QB douche bag losers. Not Harrellson!
60-56 Gators, 3:19
Just tie it up tight, so you can't feel anything...
Look, guys, we can't keep putting Calathes on the line, especially when he's dribbling 30 feet from the basket. And, Perry, great board, but you don't have to shoot in the post.
I predict a Willis Reed-esque return for Patterson.
Whoa, what a bail-out. OK, guys, let's figure this shit out. Make your damn free throws.
We need to tighten up defensively and rebound. I know it's hard without Patterson, but we have to do something.
A Stevenson three is not what we needed there.
Guys, seriously, can we shade other defenders on him? He's dominating everyone.
We get it, Nick Calathes called you sir. Stop telling the story, please.
Too many damn passes. I find it nearly impossible to pull out a win here, men. I hope I'm wrong.
64-63 Gators, 1:17
My, the comments section is getting a little chippy.
Oh dear, we needed that, Jodie.
I hate to be that guy, but that was a cheap foul on Harrellson against Parsons.
A toughness battle, eh!
OK, time for the Meeks show.
Grrrrrrrr...again, cheap foul.
Jesus. Oh man, that 3 from Meeks looked good.
Well, it's pants-shittin' time. I like our line-up here.
65-65, 29 seconds
Jeez, Nessler. Calling Parsons' three a little quick.
Oh great, Jodie's hurt.
Pure fucking clutch. Meeks is awesome.
Ohhhh wow. A foul. Wow. OK. Wow. Just, really? A foul? That was a rugby scrum.
Well, Jodie takes this shot from anywhere.
12 seconds
Oh dear. someone other than Jodie may have to take the shot...
68-65 Cats win.
Holy fuck! Double holy fuck. Well, Christ.
Fuck you, game face. Love it. I love Calathes as a player, I really do. And he seems all class. But he's shitting the bed. Aw dammit, I kind of feel bad for the guy. Still, he wasn't fouled.
You know what, though, the ball never fucking lies.
As a post script, I'd like to say that Calathes' final miss was my favorite. Just a missile into the glass. We'll talk more tomorrow.
I Believe Porter and Galloway Will Contribute
Not sure why, I just think Galloway can pass in transition and Porter will hit a couple threes in the first half. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
I have a feeling Ramon Harris will still suck, though.
I have a feeling Ramon Harris will still suck, though.
still not rubbin it
All this steroid hoopla has produced a laundry list of side effects. There are ones that are well documented (shriveled testes, back hair and the puzzling relevance of people like Tom Verducci). First off, let me say that for my money the term "side effects" has an undeservedly bad rep. I mean, sure, cirrhosis is a side effect from drinking, but then again so is being sexier and funnier. Smoking may give you cancer, but it also just makes you look so damn cool. It's times like these when i reflect on the sage words that Mrs. Garret used to so softly croon to me..."You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both, and there you have...the facts of life".
Sure it's tough to see our heros like Chuck Knoblauch, Guillermo Mota, and Jay Gibbons have their names drug through the mud. It makes me weep to imagine how many kids sadly chose to abandon their longstanding habit of arguing over who gets to be Paul Byrd whilst having a wiffle in the back yard. But being an eternal optimist, I say that there are some good things that come from this.
I know that I, for one, prostrate myself daily to the Gods to thank them for bringing the personage of Rusty Hardin into my life. Hardin is taking a break to defend Clemens from his regular lot in life, which is, I believe serving as the Platonic Form for sanctimonius, self -righteous asshole. This is the only guy who could put Roger Clemens' disillusionment in the shadow of his own. Hardin has said on record time and again that any evidence that suggests his client used PED's is patently false, and has been fabricated by Brian McNamee. This is the greatest legal defense stratgey ever.
I can just imagine all other lawyers in the world having a Happy Gilmore moment and saying, "That's it, I should just make assanine and paranoid blanket statetements that exonerate my client while simultaneously inferring that anyone who is not in agreement with us is a liar, a backstabber and a fraud. Oh, that, AND I should just hit the ball in the hole on the first shot every time".
Without getting too political here, does it really surprise anybody that Roger Clemens (an ardent Bush supporter) would hire a guy like Rusty Hardin to be his lawyer? This is the take home version of the "If You're Not Wth Us, Your With the Terorists" game show. These guys are in effect, putting their thumbs in their ears and screaming "la la la...i can't hear you" whenever anybody disagrees, or God forbid provides some kind of evidence to support a contrary opinion. It's kinda like tryin to explain a pass interefernce call on a UK secondary player to Toots, but in this case Toots looks and sounds a lot like the love child that Creed from "The Office" had with Jerry Jones, and the UK secondary player statutory- raped Mindy McReady.
And where would we be without ESPN on all this? Thank God I can tune in at basically any time of the day onto the Deuce and hear Mike Golic's opinion on steroids in baseball. It's this kinda ridiculous excuse for "synergy" that is responsible for abomonations like Cowboy Troy ( the Big n' Rich version, not the unsolvable connundrum of how an Oklahoma redneck would up at UCLA before quarterbacking the world's douchiest sideshow to three Super Bowl wins). It surely takes a little bit of moxie to admit to this, but save us the sugar coating. Yes you were injured, yes, the steroids helped you recover. But in my mind saying that you used steroids soley to recover from injury is akin to saying that you go out to bars that are frquented by known road whores because you are lonely and want to settle down and get married. Sure, I mean if one of those road whores winds up being really wealthy or double jointed or something, you might eventually marry her, but you first picked her up because you knew she was a road whore and you wanted to get laid. In this way "recovery from injury" is euphamistic for "younger/healthier/more talented guys were gonna take my job", ( so i cheated). In both instances, the easiest route has been taken to achieve a goal that was set out of self-interest, to serve a self-fulfilling purpose.
I think that the crux of the issue here is the culture that surrounds baseball. We need look no further than the old mantra that says when you get hit by a pitch, you at least wait 'til you get to the dugout before you rub the now-surely bruised and vericose point of contact. This is conventional baseball wisdom, but nobody entreated Anquan Bolden not to acknowledge his fractured orbital. We are used to metaphors that portray Butkus and Nitschke and Ray Lewis as "warriors". The most imtimidating baseball players are the power pitchers, and their intimidation factor is greatly discounted by the fact that you are supposed to act unfazed if you get drilled by a fastball from one of them. Nobody would question the toughness of an NFL player who requires assistance to get off the field after recieveng or delivering a vicious hit.
Surely, the six-month long grind of a major league baseball season is a tremendously daunting proposition, I think everybody would acknowledge that. But if that is true, then where is baseball's analogy to the famous Kellen Winslow game? All I can come up with is Cal Ripken, Jr who only needed what 16 plus consecutive seasons without missing a single game to earn similar status to what Winslow got from playing a transcendant ONE? Maybe Brett Favre's consecutive games started record is a better analogy here to use in conjunction with Ripken, but honestly, I think that Favre's record is only the equal of Ripken's. That is to say that I don't immediately give the nod to Favre because his is the "tougher" of the two sports. I grant you that any given football game is most likelly clearly more physiclly intense than any given baseball game. Combine that attitude with the public's still dominant and incorrect assumption that most MLB players used steroids to gain superior strength and speed (like a football player might), versus the fact that the greatest gains steroids make for most baseball players is not in their skill but in their conditioning, and it is easy to see why so many baseball players are villified for something that we more or less have given NFL guys a pass for for so long.
Sure it's tough to see our heros like Chuck Knoblauch, Guillermo Mota, and Jay Gibbons have their names drug through the mud. It makes me weep to imagine how many kids sadly chose to abandon their longstanding habit of arguing over who gets to be Paul Byrd whilst having a wiffle in the back yard. But being an eternal optimist, I say that there are some good things that come from this.
I know that I, for one, prostrate myself daily to the Gods to thank them for bringing the personage of Rusty Hardin into my life. Hardin is taking a break to defend Clemens from his regular lot in life, which is, I believe serving as the Platonic Form for sanctimonius, self -righteous asshole. This is the only guy who could put Roger Clemens' disillusionment in the shadow of his own. Hardin has said on record time and again that any evidence that suggests his client used PED's is patently false, and has been fabricated by Brian McNamee. This is the greatest legal defense stratgey ever.
I can just imagine all other lawyers in the world having a Happy Gilmore moment and saying, "That's it, I should just make assanine and paranoid blanket statetements that exonerate my client while simultaneously inferring that anyone who is not in agreement with us is a liar, a backstabber and a fraud. Oh, that, AND I should just hit the ball in the hole on the first shot every time".
Without getting too political here, does it really surprise anybody that Roger Clemens (an ardent Bush supporter) would hire a guy like Rusty Hardin to be his lawyer? This is the take home version of the "If You're Not Wth Us, Your With the Terorists" game show. These guys are in effect, putting their thumbs in their ears and screaming "la la la...i can't hear you" whenever anybody disagrees, or God forbid provides some kind of evidence to support a contrary opinion. It's kinda like tryin to explain a pass interefernce call on a UK secondary player to Toots, but in this case Toots looks and sounds a lot like the love child that Creed from "The Office" had with Jerry Jones, and the UK secondary player statutory- raped Mindy McReady.
And where would we be without ESPN on all this? Thank God I can tune in at basically any time of the day onto the Deuce and hear Mike Golic's opinion on steroids in baseball. It's this kinda ridiculous excuse for "synergy" that is responsible for abomonations like Cowboy Troy ( the Big n' Rich version, not the unsolvable connundrum of how an Oklahoma redneck would up at UCLA before quarterbacking the world's douchiest sideshow to three Super Bowl wins). It surely takes a little bit of moxie to admit to this, but save us the sugar coating. Yes you were injured, yes, the steroids helped you recover. But in my mind saying that you used steroids soley to recover from injury is akin to saying that you go out to bars that are frquented by known road whores because you are lonely and want to settle down and get married. Sure, I mean if one of those road whores winds up being really wealthy or double jointed or something, you might eventually marry her, but you first picked her up because you knew she was a road whore and you wanted to get laid. In this way "recovery from injury" is euphamistic for "younger/healthier/more talented guys were gonna take my job", ( so i cheated). In both instances, the easiest route has been taken to achieve a goal that was set out of self-interest, to serve a self-fulfilling purpose.
I think that the crux of the issue here is the culture that surrounds baseball. We need look no further than the old mantra that says when you get hit by a pitch, you at least wait 'til you get to the dugout before you rub the now-surely bruised and vericose point of contact. This is conventional baseball wisdom, but nobody entreated Anquan Bolden not to acknowledge his fractured orbital. We are used to metaphors that portray Butkus and Nitschke and Ray Lewis as "warriors". The most imtimidating baseball players are the power pitchers, and their intimidation factor is greatly discounted by the fact that you are supposed to act unfazed if you get drilled by a fastball from one of them. Nobody would question the toughness of an NFL player who requires assistance to get off the field after recieveng or delivering a vicious hit.
Surely, the six-month long grind of a major league baseball season is a tremendously daunting proposition, I think everybody would acknowledge that. But if that is true, then where is baseball's analogy to the famous Kellen Winslow game? All I can come up with is Cal Ripken, Jr who only needed what 16 plus consecutive seasons without missing a single game to earn similar status to what Winslow got from playing a transcendant ONE? Maybe Brett Favre's consecutive games started record is a better analogy here to use in conjunction with Ripken, but honestly, I think that Favre's record is only the equal of Ripken's. That is to say that I don't immediately give the nod to Favre because his is the "tougher" of the two sports. I grant you that any given football game is most likelly clearly more physiclly intense than any given baseball game. Combine that attitude with the public's still dominant and incorrect assumption that most MLB players used steroids to gain superior strength and speed (like a football player might), versus the fact that the greatest gains steroids make for most baseball players is not in their skill but in their conditioning, and it is easy to see why so many baseball players are villified for something that we more or less have given NFL guys a pass for for so long.
Tonight's Match
I'm going to do the old version live blog of tonight's game. A post during each TV timeout and halftime. I like that better.
Monday, February 9, 2009
A-Roid
OMG, has anyone thought of that yet?!?!!?!
I was going to post something about A-Rod, and as I bounced around the web (looking for something better than what I could write, apparently), I found this article on Baseball Prospectus. Read it.
Here's an especially stimulating excerpt:
He's an asshole, though, and he deserves all the shit that will be coming his way.
I was going to post something about A-Rod, and as I bounced around the web (looking for something better than what I could write, apparently), I found this article on Baseball Prospectus. Read it.
Here's an especially stimulating excerpt:
“Of course, the screaming is about the screamers. The loudest voices on the evils of steroids in baseball are in the media, and there’s probably a dissertation in that notion, because for all that we have to hear about how greedy, evil players have ruined baseball by taking these substances (and then playing well, according to this selective interpretation; no one’s ripping Chris Donnels these days), the reason we’re talking about this in 2009 is that so many “reporters”—scare quotes earned—went ostrich in 1999. We hear every year around awards time that the people closest to the game know the game better than anyone, because they’re in the clubhouse every day, and they talk to everyone, and they have a perspective that outsiders can’t possibly understand. For those same people to do a collective Captain Renault, which they’ve been doing since beating up players for this transgression became acceptable, is shameful. Take your pick: they missed the story, or they were too chicken-shit to report it. In either case, the piling-on now is disgusting."Well, yeah. There's really not much to add to that. The media has been far too eager to jump on this as The Thing That Fucking Ruined Everything. Tagging Rodriguez as baseball's "last hope" is laughably short-sighted. Sure, he'll break Bonds' tainted record with a tainted achievement of his own. Still, baseball, I think, will persevere.
He's an asshole, though, and he deserves all the shit that will be coming his way.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Things Are Shapin' Up!
This is an exciting time for us here at Rant-tastic. We've signed a couple new bloggers, Stanley Dripdick and Dean Wormer, who should exponentially raise the quality of the blog. Furthermore, Bick Rozich is acting like a pissed chick, so he'll be posting more often about the Wildcats' demise.
A few notes: I hope you guys didn't blow your wad on the first weekend, because there have been posts galore. I'm not sure the public (Train and Tommy) can keep up. Also, Dean Wormer, let's have some graph breaks every now and again. It's like trying to read a text message or, as Bick said, an e.e. cummings poem.
Nevertheless, keep up the good, inspired work!
A few notes: I hope you guys didn't blow your wad on the first weekend, because there have been posts galore. I'm not sure the public (Train and Tommy) can keep up. Also, Dean Wormer, let's have some graph breaks every now and again. It's like trying to read a text message or, as Bick said, an e.e. cummings poem.
Nevertheless, keep up the good, inspired work!
Ol' FEBUK
Now, I must admit, Gene P. and I agree on most everything regarding sports. It wasn't tough, with me cramming UK and the Cubs down his throat (clean it up!) since he could walk. Oddly, he always had a knack for picking favorite players that I would then steal from him and claim as my own the minute I hit the high school hallways while he was mired in the moron-infested classroom of SSM (i.e. Sammy Sosa, Anthony Epps, Nomar). So, I have to say I agree with him (and many others) on his problem with Billy G's answers to a lot of serious shortcomings on our b-ball team.
Billy, you aren't in Texas anymore. "We got whipped" isn't an answer after losing to Ole Miss by what should have been more than 5. I listened to the pre-game of the South Carolina game in the shower (best Xmas gift ever), and Billy had ZERO answers for the Ole Miss game, at one point saying, "We got whipped. Everybody wants answers, but sometimes the other team just whips you." In my class, that answer would garner a 2/30 (the 2 points for putting ink to paper).
So, what about Lil' Ricky? Well, if you read the Courier today, you would have seen the article where Pitino addresses the shortcomings of his team after their dismal (and there's no other way to cut it) performance against the best team in the nation. His answer:
Look, Clyde may be the best toughener in the world, but I am starting to believe Sean's theory about Gillispie's practices being nothing more than him and his coaches slinging basketballs around the gym, screaming at the guys to, "Get after it!"
Apparently, Ramon gets to every one.
Billy, you aren't in Texas anymore. "We got whipped" isn't an answer after losing to Ole Miss by what should have been more than 5. I listened to the pre-game of the South Carolina game in the shower (best Xmas gift ever), and Billy had ZERO answers for the Ole Miss game, at one point saying, "We got whipped. Everybody wants answers, but sometimes the other team just whips you." In my class, that answer would garner a 2/30 (the 2 points for putting ink to paper).
So, what about Lil' Ricky? Well, if you read the Courier today, you would have seen the article where Pitino addresses the shortcomings of his team after their dismal (and there's no other way to cut it) performance against the best team in the nation. His answer:
Pitino rattled off transition defense and turnovers as two areas in which the Cards need improvement. He also said the players still tend to let offensive struggles affect the rest of their games.
"Seven times for layups we didn't rotate to the inside," he said about the UConn game. "And it's always the guys that missed the shot, it's always the guys that were having bad nights."
Look, Clyde may be the best toughener in the world, but I am starting to believe Sean's theory about Gillispie's practices being nothing more than him and his coaches slinging basketballs around the gym, screaming at the guys to, "Get after it!"
Apparently, Ramon gets to every one.
Friday, February 6, 2009
p.s.
thanks tiny e for bringing me on board. i'm optimistic that with our combined forces we can make this, in the immortal words of comic book guy; worst...blog...ever! i look forward to long periods of writer's block followed by that embarrassed, just woke up with a beastly road-whore kinda feeling of "oh my god...is THAT the best i could do?"...that's right ladies...rant-tastic just got a lot more kid-friendly!
popping my cherry of ennui
I hate the Steelers. There, now I am officially a blogger. I have thrown my hat into the ring and shared a completely unsolicited and doubtlessly inflammatory and opinionated position with the world at large. Or at least with the world at large who regularly tunes in here. But then again, all seven of you probably already knew that I hate the Steelers. The insight contained here is the why. Having never met Terry Bradshaw, Dwight Stone, Kevin Greene or any of the current Steelers, it is actually more accurate to say that I hate Steeler's Fans. (In the interest of full disclosure, I did once meet Mel Blount...he was cool). In the 1970's the Steelers and the Cowboys dominated the landscape of the NFL. As a Raiders fan I would love to say the the Silver and Black made a small mark in that era. All you Dolphins fans will surely crow about a 16-0 team that managed to beat/play exactly ZERO playoff teams that year, (where's Mercury Morris been this year, huh? I can't help but think that Springsteen would've held eye contact a little too long with ol Merc during his halftime rendition of Glory Days, providing he was of course, there). All that being said, anybody who is not a complete homer knows that nobody touched the Steelers or Cowboys in the 1970's, except each other. Now it is has been well documented that this most recent Steelers title is their sixth, and it puts them in a class alone atop the NFL. In this sense, the Steelers are the NFL's Yankees, but that is no reason to hate them. The salary cap has long made a Steinbrenneresque monopoly of the NFL an impossibility. So while it is legit, nee' your patriotic duty to hate the Yankees for attempting to buy every World Series since Deion Sanders departed the Bronx, you can't say the same about the Steelers. You also cannot say that about ANY other team in the NFL, so that's kind of a wash. It is my contention that the Steelers are one of those teams that people who know little to nothing about football seem to consistently choose as their "favorite" team. If you ever have the misfortune of going to a BW3's etc during a televised Steeler game, the only thing that drowns out "Here we go Steelers, here we go" is the din of clueless jackoffs in bargain basement Black and Gold screaming "pass interference" on a tipped ball. Now I must say that it is in no way the fault of the Steelers organization that they draw such disdain from yours truly. Under the leadership of the Rooney family, the Steelers have been model citizens when it comes to running a classy and respectable program. However, I grow extremely tired of hearing pundits talk about Pittsburgh's "Blue Collar" attitude on the football field. Please. I want every dick bag who praises James Harrison for embodying a blue collar work ethic on the football field should also have to tell Patrick Willis to his face that he is a fairy for playing in San Fran.
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